Does New Years resolutions just feed guilt & self hatred

Everybody is talking about what their New Years resolutions are. I each and every year have written down my nyr's but at the end of each year I hate myself and feel guilty for not completing each and everyone one of them at the level or intensity I planned to. Should we or I for that matter make any attempt to make nyr this year? I feel it's a set up to fail.

For example, this year one of my resolutions was to lose 6st 10lb. It's precise because I wanted to be an exact weight(eg-8st not 8st 9lb...this isn't the weight I had chosen btw). I only lost 2st 2lb and I feel like a failure, that I have nothing to celebrate because I didn't do what I wanted to achieve. I hate myself for not doing this. It makes me obsess with every time I didn't go to the gym or are a chocolate bar. I get really intense when I'm 'on it' (meaning eating good, exercise etc) meaning I had huge high standards for myself with gym, swimming, walking, cycling etc and what and how much I'm eating. I become very very obsessed.

I don't know if this is more intense because I suffer with bpd and OCD or if 'nons' would be like this too.

This is only an example of one of my nyr, it was the easiest to explain and every year since I was 8 losing weight has been in one of my resolutions.

What's your thoughts, feelings opinions on New Years resolutions. Are they a positive or a negative thing to do?

Hi Babygirl

I don't make resolutions. Instead I try to be kind to myself day after day. That includes accepting that I'm human (or close to it) and that I will capitulate and make poor decisions from time to time.

If you strive to be perfect you'll die disappointed.

Why do you wish to lose weight anyway?

I'd side with JM on this. I never make NY resolutions. I try to take each day as it comes.

I do quite enjoy seeing all those people in their new jogging outfits or on their new bikes....knowing that in about a week's time life will be back to normal again and they will be nowhere to be seen.

Journeyman15 wrote:Hi Babygirl

I don't make resolutions. Instead I try to be kind to myself day after day. That includes accepting that I'm human (or close to it) and that I will capitulate and make poor decisions from time to time.

If you strive to be perfect you'll die disappointed.

Why do you wish to lose weight anyway?

Hi JM

Always good to hear from you.

I constantly disappoint myself because I feel if I make one mistake I hate myself for it. Make a bad decision and that's it, I'm the worst human being ever and I'm never going to succeed or be a good person.

I want to lose weight because I'm fat, huge, ugly, disgusting, foul, hideous... The list goes on.

I was over weight when I was little, unlike my brother and sister who were always skinny and tiny. From when I can remember (8years old) I was put on diet after diet and just kept failing and just got fatter and fatter. I have lost weight in the past then gained over hat I was previously. This year I lost 2st 2lb as I said earlier. But I'm still 4st 8lb off of where I need to be. I hate how I look. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. But every time I get into eating good exercising etc people tell me I'm doing too much and I feel like I fail even when I'm trying.

RememberRonni wrote:I'd side with JM on this. I never make NY resolutions. I try to take each day as it comes.

I do quite enjoy seeing all those people in their new jogging outfits or on their new bikes....knowing that in about a week's time life will be back to normal again and they will be nowhere to be seen.

Yes RR so do I. At least I know I try more than just the first week of January. Constant cycle of trying and then failing throughout the year not just because it's a new year.

Personally I think losing over 2 stones in a year is a real achievement.

When we're attempting to make long-term changes to our lives it's progression rather than perfection that we should be aiming for. I tried for years to stop drinking alcohol before finally beginning the decent run that I'm on now. To be human is to err. How about setting yourself the goal of another two stones loss this coming year?

Bear in mind that no matter how perfect we are on the outside, we won't be happy unless we feel beautiful on the inside.

Journeyman15 wrote:Personally I think losing over 2 stones in a year is a real achievement.

When we're attempting to make long-term changes to our lives it's progression rather than perfection that we should be aiming for. I tried for years to stop drinking alcohol before finally beginning the decent run that I'm on now. To be human is to err. How about setting yourself the goal of another two stones loss this coming year?

Bear in mind that no matter how perfect we are on the outside, we won't be happy unless we feel beautiful on the inside.

Thankyou very much, I'll graciously accept your compliment and will work on believing it myself.

Yeah I guess then if I'm able to do that the year after another 2st then I'm almost at the weight I need to be. I guess I find it difficult when on some days I have a complete loss of appetite and other days hyperphagia. I've never had an eating disorder/been diagnosed with one but when I'm 'on it' if I get too obsessed I will restrict myself to what I realise afterwards as being a shocking little amount of calories. And that can lead to binging and purging. But it's never happened long term.

I'll keep that in mind, thanks for the generous help, advice and wise words as always

Yep. It is done in a very unhelpful way in our society. It's very "black and white."

I say if making new year's resolutions gives someone joy or it works for them, fabulous. If it doesn't work for you, don't do it.

I did "resolutions" today in my own personal way.

A prominent therapist wrote a piece today suggesting not to do the New Year's resolution thing, fyi, if it's helpful to you or anyone else here: titled, "FOR A HAPPIER NEW YEAR: FORGET THE RESOLUTIONS!"