For Male BPD. Another question

A few months ago I posted about my inability to let go/forget about someone I met in August. The more I think about him the more I believe he has many BPD features or maybe completely BPD.

When his behavior was 'weird' - hot and cold - I became frustrated, drunk and did some texting!

Not once but twice - he never responded. That was last month. I know he is online but he never contacts me. The last message I wrote basically said I was sorry about all the texts and understood he must have his reasons for blanking me and that maybe we would meet in the future.

He was planning to come and visit me but then went silent. I wrote the message as a kind of cut off - I just wanted to stop thinking about him... sending messages doesn't make you stop thinking about someone.

My question is: Will he ever contact me again? I FEEL so strongly that he will - I can't get rid of that feeling. I know it's not logical or rational but I can't stop the feeling.

He told me he was thinking about me even two months after we met and that it was a nice feeling.... he told me he felt the same after getting off weed etc. and still wanted to meet me. Then silence. No contact. It's confusing me and I want to stop thinking about him.

I suppose I am looking for closure. He went silent for a month before but then came back strong. Now nothing for two months.

Hi pirateeye

As soon as I conclude that a lady isn't the one for me, I lose interest in her fairly quickly.

But I really can't say if that's typical BPD behaviour.

You say you want closure. Are you sure you're not keen for him to reestablish contact?

Yes. I do want him to come back. I feel I need to see him again. He told me he couldn't wait to see me but then went silent. He has ignored my messages and I just don't understand it. Nothing changed.

pirateeye wrote:Yes. I do want him to come back. I feel I need to see him again. He told me he couldn't wait to see me but then went silent. He has ignored my messages and I just don't understand it. Nothing changed.

Do you know if he felt hurt the last time you spoke?

I don't know. We had a long chat and it ended well. He said he would let me know when he would book his flight.....

pirateeye wrote:I don't know. We had a long chat and it ended well. He said he would let me know when he would book his flight.....

I would enquire as to whether he felt hurt. That's the only factor, in my experience, that would cause me to suddenly turn my back on someone.

I would be he doesn't respond to my messages. . He has been very hot and cold from the start. Much worse than I am. He will completely ignore me or spend hours telling me how much he wants to see me etc. Then nothing.

I feel that after all my drunk texts there is no point contacting him again. He just ignores me so what's the point writing?

I just keep wondering if he will write again - like he did before after a long silence. It's driving me nuts!

This entire thing has brought back so many old feelings - of confusion and hurt. I am sorry...in a terrible muddle. Maybe I need to change my life again.

pirateeye wrote:I would be he doesn't respond to my messages. . He has been very hot and cold from the start. Much worse than I am. He will completely ignore me or spend hours telling me how much he wants to see me etc. Then nothing.

I feel that after all my drunk texts there is no point contacting him again. He just ignores me so what's the point writing?

I just keep wondering if he will write again - like he did before after a long silence. It's driving me nuts!

This entire thing has brought back so many old feelings - of confusion and hurt. I am sorry...in a terrible muddle. Maybe I need to change my life again.

Don't be sorry pirateeye. You sound to me like you're thinking perfectly clearly.

If you want this man, lay your cards on the table. Tell him that if he envisages any kind of romantic future with you he needs to tell you right now (takes much courage).

If he doesn't respond, move on and don't look back, safe in the knowledge that he wasn't the one for you.

I couldn't say that to him and then possibly reject him. I just wanted to see him again to see how I felt in his company and if it was going to be like when we met. He said several times he wanted to see me too - from the things he said - it seemed like he was having similar thoughts. But maybe he met someone else or maybe it was all just a game.

I already wrote to him -good luck with his life as I was tired of all the hot and cold treatment.... and I thought that by putting an end to it -that I would have some peace in my mind but I don't! It's a kind of torture.

I wanted to share so much with him and I felt so different with him than anybody else. I trusted someone for the first time in my life. I still do I suppose and maybe he is ignoring me because he wants something else and doesn't know how to tell me that without hurting me. I've done that before to guys... but for some reason...my mind will not accept it. I know it's true - he doesn't want more contact (obvious from his lack of contact)! But my mind is still talking to him... expecting to see him again. I can't seem to kill the thoughts.

I suppose I need a way to move on. A way to accept the situation. I am struggling to shake this depression off. It's not a complete depression but I've not been right in my mind since all this has happened. It's so silly.

'If that chick don't wanna know forget her'

Thin Lizzy - The Boys Are Back In Town

PS Applies to men too...