Something here that stands out

Hi all

Ive only been here a short time but one thing that has really stood out to me is how often I see apologies.

I don't mean this in a negative way.

Neither of my exs ever apologised even if what they had done was blatantly down to them. The nearest to an apology would redirect the blame onto me.

I don't know whether its because its an anonymous forum or a sign of how well your doing. I do however find it refreshing.

I too suffer from the sorry syndrome. Growing up everything was always my fault and it's a hard habit to break.

Hi RR

My gut feeling with my exs was it was more to do with not wanting to seem flawed. By admitting they where wrong then they where admitting they weren't perfect. With my exgf in the end I saw it as I didnt matter so wasn't worth an apology.

I can see how growing up always getting blamed can have the same effect on you. My sons who now live with me found it very hard at first. They now realise that they only get pulled up on things they have actually done so are comfortable apologising for it.

Hi DT

I've never received the apologies that I'm due.

I always try to say sorry if I feel that I haven't provided a favourable representation of myself. It elevates me above those who wronged me and demonstrated no remorse.

I have no control over others. All I can do is keep my side of the street clean.

Journeyman15 wrote:Hi DT

I've never received the apologies that I'm due.

I always try to say sorry if I feel that I haven't provided a favourable representation of myself. It elevates me above those who wronged me and demonstrated no remorse.

I have no control over others. All I can do is keep my side of the street clean.

That to me shows maturity and morale courage.

I once heard my ex say to her son when she knew I was there " the bigger person says sorry even if they were not the one who was wrong" she then looked at me.

At the time it totally confused me. Having thought about it yes there are times that even if you weren't wrong that an apology is a good thing. The problem I saw with my ex was that she expected you to just take it that she was wrong and then apologise for what she did. This to me isn't a mature or morally correct way to behave. I can understand (I think) why she expects it though.

Personally, I believe that the capacity to apologise is born of taking responsibility for one's behaviour.

Many BPD sufferers whose environment as a child has contributed to their illness (and I include myself is this bracket) are prone to attributing all their difficulties to someone else's actions. Of course, we're all products of our upbringing but, as adults, we need to take responsibility for how we treat other people. And that includes saying sorry when you're at fault.

It's one of the ways that we transcend those who contributed to our condition.

RememberRonni wrote:I too suffer from the sorry syndrome. Growing up everything was always my fault and it's a hard habit to break.

Yes, me too!