Does anyone ever think they'll never meet the 'one'?tw

Even plucking up the courage to post this is giving me anxiety..

I received my diagnosis of BPD about a month ago, and it hit me like a ton of bricks, in regards to how much things now make sense.
I thought it was a silverlining in understanding myself and mentally getting better, getting off meds and not going back into hospital.

I feel like the confirmation of the diagnosis has made me worse, now I cant tell the difference between reality and if im overreacting. On top of that, one of my closest friends has abandoned me.. I don't know why.

Aside from that, I feel like theres something about me, that when people get to know me they feel the need to run in the other direction. This has made me feel like I'll never have friends, or anyone who will be able to love me.
It hurts, but I don't mind.
What gets about that is that, I'd drop anything for anyone who needed help, and I always have good intentions when I meet new people, but they just leave before I can get to know them and explain that Im probably more messed up than a donkeys backside but Im trying to get better.

I know plenty of people who have mental health issues,but have a network of support and people who want to help them..

So my question is, is there hope for people like me who have never encountered someone can tolerate me and see theres a person underneath all of this?

And those of you who have bpd.. do you have people that love and support you?


Any other advice, stories, literally anything, I'll be happy to read.
Apart from someone who is paid to listen and teach me DBT skills. I don't have anyone to talk to. Thanks..

longchallenge1 wrote:Even plucking up the courage to post this is giving me anxiety..

I received my diagnosis of BPD about a month ago, and it hit me like a ton of bricks, in regards to how much things now make sense.
I thought it was a silverlining in understanding myself and mentally getting better, getting off meds and not going back into hospital.

I feel like the confirmation of the diagnosis has made me worse, now I cant tell the difference between reality and if im overreacting. On top of that, one of my closest friends has abandoned me.. I don't know why.

Aside from that, I feel like theres something about me, that when people get to know me they feel the need to run in the other direction. This has made me feel like I'll never have friends, or anyone who will be able to love me.
It hurts, but I don't mind.
What gets about that is that, I'd drop anything for anyone who needed help, and I always have good intentions when I meet new people, but they just leave before I can get to know them and explain that Im probably more messed up than a donkeys backside but Im trying to get better.

I know plenty of people who have mental health issues,but have a network of support and people who want to help them..

So my question is, is there hope for people like me who have never encountered someone can tolerate me and see theres a person underneath all of this?

And those of you who have bpd.. do you have people that love and support you?


Any other advice, stories, literally anything, I'll be happy to read.
Apart from someone who is paid to listen and teach me DBT skills. I don't have anyone to talk to. Thanks..

Hi longchallenge1

Welcome to the forum.

A BPD diagnosis is difficult to process and I recall all too well how I felt when I was in the position you now find yourself.

I still dream of the one. I'm sure she's out there. I think that how much of a pariah your diagnosis makes of you is largely down to how you manage it. We can't always control our emotions but we needn't be a slave to them. Therapy and self-development are the key. It's a difficult journey but I believe that one day all the suffering will prove worthwhile.

Try to believe that, with the requisite hard work, one day you'll feel happy. I believe that and it keeps my dreams alive.

I don't know about finding romantic love, but I had a few really good friends as support but my behavior eventually drove them off. IRL I pretty much stay to my self, though I am trying to force myself out into the world. It's not good to be alone so much but I just know, as I am now, I would eventually drive off anyone I got close to. Romantic 'love' is the furthest thing from my mind. I am celibate and alone and will remain so, at least until I finish DBT and have the tools to deal with my issues.

I do have one RL friend and my Brother who both stick by me no matter what. I don't know how they have the strength sometimes, but I am so grateful. So yes, there are people out there who can handle us at our worst. I hope you find the support system that you need.

Now if I could repair the damage I have done to my other friends and show them how much I actually care, I dunno...wishful thinking probably. I'm going to get better though and show them that it was never about them, just about my ###$ up train of thought.

Oh my goodness, can I give you a cyber hug? This is EXACTLY how I feel. I am always kinda searching and hoping I will find a friend, or the one. A year ago I told myself 'surely, in uni, gym or work you will meet and make some friends', but no. I have plenty of acquaintances, but no one deeper, no real friends, and this gets me down soo low sometimes. A year and nothing has changed. Maybe I should start paying a therapist to talk to...Fear of abandonment is one of the symptoms I don't have, as I'm such a loner anyway. I hope things improve and we all find a friend but.... All the best