Why don't I do stuff I know I should do?

It's like self destructive, self sabotage stuff...

I know I'm not doing myself any favours on the sofa all day in my pjs for the 4th time this week... I've not really eating properly all week coz I've been to preoccupied with looking at $#%^ on the web, boring stupid dribble... Then pigging out on tons of rubbish food.... I KNOW a good DIET improves how I feel, I know sitting on the sofa doing zilch will make me unhappy depressed angry with myself and everyone else, I know it becomes a cycle.. Is this a BPD trait? Do others feel this?

I know that deep breathing will help the panicky feeling, I know researching suicide methods is not a good idea... But still I ignore what I know... For WHAT WHY! Because I want to be ###$ up! Because I don't want a happy life! Why the HELL would I not?

It's almost like if you buy a big chocolate donut then someone comes along and says hey you know that chocolate donut isn't good for you... And your like yeah, I know! But I still want it!

WHY! WHY! Do I want this $#%^? Do I really?!!

These are not just day to day things... There are some really important things I "convinatly" forget till the office.. Or shops.. Or there's not enough time in the day... Then tell myself I ###$ up I'm useless say I'll do it 2moro... And do the same thing over and over....

I REALLY HATE MYSELF SOMETIMES! SUCH A WHINING BITCH.!

I understand your frustration. However, you are NOT a "whiny bitch"! You are a person with many great qualities. Please keep this in mind!

Okay, I'm a major procrastinator myself, so I totally understand. Cleaning needs to be done? Meh, I'll just do that later. Looking for a job? Not now! Getting dressed? Well, that can wait too.

I think the key is to force yourself to do these things even when you don't feel like it. Keep at it. I understand it's unpleasant, but the rewards are huge!

I started trying to not procrastinate and put things off a couple of weeks ago, now it is sooooo much easier.

Good luck to you.

Because the chocolate donut is yummy - but only for as long as you get to eat it.

If you catch my drift. reading your post felt like reading my own thoughts (in fact I'm browsing this forum as a part of my distraction, having missed all my classes today and sat around doing nothing). It's because it's instant release, it's easier for me to sit around doing nothing except distract myself than to cope and function normally. In the long run it's worse for me, because now I'm sitting here thinking about everything I didn't do today. It takes a lot of will - most days I do well, but I'd much rather be at home doing nothing. I read something this morning about trying a timer - say, set it for two minutes, and tell yourself you're gonna fold laundry until the time goes off. Something about being able to see that progress at the end of the time, is supposed to help give you that motivation. And increase the timer as you get going. I'm thinking of trying it - I wish I had more advice for you, but you're not alone in this feeling

We're mirroring eachother. I have the same problem. It's really hard getting positive. I get into these ruts really easily and its the hardest thing in the world to get out of. For me its always about finding positive purpose. I really want to buy a sailboat so I setup a huge plan to do so, by going back to school *I dropped out because of this exact behavior* and finding work that suits my skills. *I'm a computer guy and a creative guy*

Ever since I found this purpose I've been able to get to work, eat write and even exercise. I'll admit that I'm NOT there yet. Not fully. I get right back into the same situation with little trigger. I'm trying to find a way to fix that but for now the best way is all about mindset.

Once you get moving its a lot easier to keep moving.

I wish I had a solution to what seems to be a BPD trait.

The difference with myself and what Ive seen in lazy people is that I get depressed because of my awareness of how wrong what I am doing it. Lazy people dont seem to I know how GREAT id feel if i ate throutout the day, drunk water (and not energy drinks) and smoked a lot less. But I dont becuase my body and brain just feels paralsyed and i think "###$ it, instead of going to eat Ill just spend the 20 minutes running circle in my head instead of making a meal"

I play the Game runescape and find it helps with this. Not 100% of the time, but it has helped.

I set myself goals in the game and aim to achieve them quick as possible. It just helps me to visualise setting a goal, spending the time on that goal and then achieving the goal. Then when I turn the game off I just do the exact same process in real life but with execerise/making food or organising my life.s

Sodukos would probably work for me as well.

What you're describing is something I do as well, and I think that it falls under the self-destructive category. It's a less obvious form of self-harm, at least in my case.

I'm starting to understand why I do it. I do it because when I was younger, no one gave a $#%^ if I actually happy or healthy. It was all about pretending. As long as you can hold down a job, look presentable, keep it all inside and pretend that nothing is wrong, you're good! I could have been the most miserable person in the entire world, but as long as I was making money, keeping grades up, keeping busy, doing something my family could brag about, looking neat and clean, smiling at the people I am supposed to smile at and be subservient to...it didn't ######6 matter if I actually wanted to kill myself on the inside. As long as I didn't do anything to indicate that I wasn't OK. No one cared what I wanted for myself and they made that pointedly clear.

In a very real way, when I destroy myself I am doing it because I am angry about that. To me, taking care of myself, having a good life, is inseparable from the facade I had to put up when I was younger. To me, doing well means pretending that I am not hurting or that I am not angry. It means giving the people who hurt me the most what they want, which is for me to be a handsome little trophy that they can use to bolster their own #######5 ego.

That's why I can't resist the self-destruction. It feels like the only power I have - the power to say "no, I will not be what you want me to be." Rationally I know how ridiculous that is, but when I feel the need to self-destruct but I don't, I feel shame, as if I am allowing myself to be controlled by others' expectations of me.