Help! I can't stop arguing no mater how badly I want to.

I recently discovered that I have BPD. My biggest problem is that I frequently start arguing with my boyfriend about something really stupid and I can't make myself stop. I'm so angry or upset that the words almost have a mind of their own and even though he asks me to just stop, I keep dragging it out. I've been doing research on delectable behavioral therapy. It seemed to be helping and I haven't argued with my boyfriend about anything big in about two weeks. We were arguing at least every few days before this. Then a few hours ago I did it again. I argued about something really stupid and small and wouldn't stop bothering him until he didn't even want to look at me. Things were going perfect just hours before. We were cuddling and even talking about having another baby. Those are some of the things I want most in life... to be able to get over my problems, to be a good mother to the baby we already have, to have one more, and I'd also really like to get married someday. There's no way any of these things can happen if I keep pushing him away unintentionally like this. I love him and my son more than anything, but right now I feel like they'd be better off if I just moved away and let them live their own life without me. I don't make their lives better like I wish I could. I'm afraid it's what's best for them, even though I know it would hurt me for the rest of my life. I'm afraid I'm being selfish by staying around and just hoping someday I can get better. The thought of leaving them hurts so much, but so does the thought of hurting my boyfriend again or making my son grow up with a mother like me. My boyfriend is really good to me. He works many hours so I can stay at home with our son like I've always wished I could do. He tries to make sure I can live the kind of life I want. I love him so much, and then I treat him with so little respect and won't stop harassing him. I'm sick of having to ask him to forgive me again and again, and then start at the bottom trying to repair our relationship again just to ruin everything once more. Sorry if this is too long. I just feel so lost. I'm not really even sure what I'm asking... if anyone has any similar experiences, ideas to help me shut up before I make people I love too angry... anything that could possibly help me keep my family or feel even a little better, I'd be so thankful.

Hey CB, how have you been. I hope you have continued to do progress, but honestly I don't think DBT will heal that arguing addiction. I suggest you to try magnesium oil on your skin. It's extremely cheap and much more efficient then magnesium caps. Search in youtube about it.

PS: You I'm on the shoes of your boyfriend now, but her arguing addiction is WAY worse than what you described and her self-awareness is minimal, unlike you who are very self aware (this is good). She gets worse when she stops with the magnesium and zinc.

Noted : Old post from 2015 - this user hasnt been online since Sat Oct 31, 2015

@PsyHealer
I personally have found DBT very helpful in relation to the understanding of my reactions and how to learn to think before reacting and i have to say that i personal think that the wording of your comment" I don't think DBT will heal that arguing addiction" could have been worded a little better, i don't feel that arguing is an "addition"

mod mode
There are lots of remedies out there on the market, and your suggestion of magnesium oil is just that a suggestion and i understand that.

I think people should ask their GP/health care professionals before using or taking any remedies suggested by anyone.

Sorry if my answer was too short and my choice of words wasn't good.

For my partner, arguing is something she can't control and seems to feel better by doing it. She says she can't control herself when I'm around, the end-less talking. My English vocabulary is too short, but I'd be glad if you can suggest me a better word.

The magnesium oil helps her to hold herself, but it needs to be taken daily. That's not a remedy, it's an essential nutrient for any human being, and most people are deficient. Thus I also use it sometimes and kids too.

She also has some kind of myoclonic epilepsy and she had some severe convulsions in moments of her life that she felt abandoned by the loved ones, such as parents divorce or separation from me. But never had one when taking magnesium, not even the usual epileptic jerks in upper body part. When she is arguing her emotions get so out of control that it's like if an epilepsy was going on in her brain. Some people describe that the emotional outbursts of BPD are just like an epilepsy, stating it seems just like an epilepsy convulsion when observed in the imaging equipment, and magnesium is the essential nutrient that can improve epilepsy, and in some cases cure it, but as all nutrients it is neglected in favor of remedies.

@PsyHealer

but honestly I don't think DBT will heal that arguing addiction.

To insinuate that DBT wont heal that arguing addiction, was something that i had a problem with as a user/member.

I dont think arguing is an addiction sorry,

I suggest you to try magnesium oil on your skin. It's extremely cheap and much more efficient then magnesium caps.

the wording used for the prescribing/suggesting was as a mod/site rule here
people should always check with the doctor before taking any vitamins / minerals. yes magnesium is one of the most essential nutriments used by the body, but if people are on other meds they should always check with their doctor before using/taking a suggested remedy.

this is what i meant ,
i hope this clears any confusion.

https://www.researchgate.net/publicatio ... oid_System

Echinacea wrote:To insinuate that DBT wont heal that arguing addiction, was something that i had a problem with as a user/member.

I dont think arguing is an addiction sorry,

Some say that self-cutting can turn into an addiction. Do you agree with that? I was using the same term because, the it is very similar to the destructive arguing (the non-stop and too frequent one, which drives people away). Even though it is "uncontrollable" and surrounded by negative feelings, I believe it can also be explained by the theory on opiates and BPD, as in the paper linked below:

https://www.researchgate.net/publicatio ... oid_System

Echinacea wrote:people should always check with the doctor before taking any vitamins / minerals. yes magnesium is one of the most essential nutriments used by the body, but if people are on other meds they should always check with their doctor before using/taking a suggested remedy.

Hmm yes there are some interactions and I found a link:

http://umm.edu/health/medical/altmed/su ... -magnesium

In most cases its that magnesium decreases the effects of the medications, if taken in the same time. Other medications deplete magnesium levels so magnesium supplementation is recommended in conjunction. The only potentially negative interaction seems to be with Calcium Channel Blockers, used for blood pressure control.

In any case, I'd recommend consulting an orthomolecular doctor that prescribes vitamins and minerals. Very few drugs are useful, especially for BPD, and they should not be used as main line of treatment.

@PsyHealer

mod mode
There are lots of remedies out there on the market, and your suggestion of magnesium oil is just that a suggestion and i understand that.

I think people should ask their GP/health care professionals before using or taking any remedies suggested by anyone.

Mod mode means just that ...i am required by the rules of this forum to use a disclaimer in regards to any medications or homeopathic remedies or any other supplements suggested by any members of this site We are not professionals here we are members too that have an unpaid job to do keeping members trigger free and as safe as we can.

I do not appreciate you questioning a mod comment. if you have a problem with the rules of this site with the "disclaimer" please feel free to contact an admin
its the RED named mods at the top of each forum thank you.

Furthermore, What I agree as a "member" and what i "have" to reply as a mod are two different things ..please keep that im mind when commenting back to a moderator comment.

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