No one acknowledged my injury - am I being too sensitive?

It's soooooo hard to tell if people hate me or if I'm overreacting. Please can someone give me their opinion:

I have no friends, BPD, very anxious to get involved with people as they'll only disappoint me /drift away like everyone else has. Also if I get too close to people eventually my mask will slip and my dark side will show (emotionally unbalanced, depressed, lonely, anxious, paranoid, angry, indignant)

Anyway, I made a massive step by joining a local theatre group 5 months ago. It has been really tough, most members are very established and are great friends. I feel really left out and my low self confidence was a huge impediment to bonding with them.

I started thinking I wasn't liked and began to isolate myself. I had a terrible fall. I was limping around, big bandage on my leg, then a big red scab, I find the survivor in front of everyone I was having trouble bending my knee.

Not ONE person has expressed sympathy or asked me what happened! WTF? I feel awful, like this proves they hate me. And yet on opening night I had some good interactions with people that have me hope.

Please can I have an opinion on this? I'm thinking of quitting.

chrissywissy wrote:It's soooooo hard to tell if people hate me or if I'm overreacting. Please can someone give me their opinion:

I have no friends, BPD, very anxious to get involved with people as they'll only disappoint me /drift away like everyone else has. Also if I get too close to people eventually my mask will slip and my dark side will show (emotionally unbalanced, depressed, lonely, anxious, paranoid, angry, indignant)

Anyway, I made a massive step by joining a local theatre group 5 months ago. It has been really tough, most members are very established and are great friends. I feel really left out and my low self confidence was a huge impediment to bonding with them.

I started thinking I wasn't liked and began to isolate myself. I had a terrible fall. I was limping around, big bandage on my leg, then a big red scab, I find the survivor in front of everyone I was having trouble bending my knee.

Not ONE person has expressed sympathy or asked me what happened! WTF? I feel awful, like this proves they hate me. And yet on opening night I had some good interactions with people that have me hope.

Please can I have an opinion on this? I'm thinking of quitting.

Hi chrissywissy

Do I think the group hates you? I have no idea.

Should you quit because of the fear that they might? Absolutely not.

Do you come across as someone deserving of hatred? NO! You are articulate, caring and self-aware.

Congratulate yourself on being brave enough to have joined the group and hang on in there. I love the theatre!

I know it appears a no brainer that I shouldn't quit, but the way it makes me feel is awful. I feel depressed and lonely. I feel like I've failed - it's been months and I haven't made friends. It's so much effort time and stress but I am frequently miserable.

chrissywissy wrote:I know it appears a no brainer that I shouldn't quit, but the way it makes me feel is awful. I feel depressed and lonely. I feel like I've failed - it's been months and I haven't made friends. It's so much effort time and stress but I am frequently miserable.

A couple of questions...

How do you gauge friendship?

What makes you so sure the other group members aren't your friends?

I read your other post about your tennis partner. You're assuming her flakiness was down to you. Could she not have had her own issues?

I have questions too. How much do you put yourself out there? Do you try to round the group up for dinner or drinks after rehearsal? I did theater in college and I found it very cliquey at first but once you work your way into the group you're golden. It's not that they hate you, it's that they have history together. Now that you've done your first show, you have history with them, too. Someone else will be the new guy next time.

As for the tennis partner, 10 games is pretty good. Maybe she just started feeling lazy/tired of tennis. The goal should be to get to know people through these activities but then start to see them in different settings.

Journeyman15 wrote:Congratulate yourself on being brave enough to have joined the group and hang on in there. I love the theatre!

Hi Chrissywissy, i agree with journeyman15, you did a huge step in joining this group, just try to relax (i know its harder than is sounds) but try to be "approachable" i know some people are not i see it dayly here where im, but for instance i'm very open and i can/will chat with anyone so people don't have to be cautious.


When you arrive there, do you say hi first/smile or they say hi/smile first ?
( just trying to get a picture here, so please bare with me)

my reason for asking is "i had a German friend a few years ago and we where out in a cafe and this lady asked "is it ok if i sit here with you" i replied of course you can" she was so happy that she didnt have to eat alone" i thought that was nice. he on the other hand said after..."wow ive never had that happen before, you are so approachable" (to me its normal) to him it wasnt.

So what im trying to say (hopefully you know what im meaning) reverse this vision and visualize what they might be seeing, and once you have , could you walk over to this "person" ?

I hope ive worded it ok...sometimes i know what i want to say but typing it comes out a little different than i want it to.

chrissywissy wrote:Not ONE person has expressed sympathy or asked me what happened! WTF? I feel awful, like this proves they hate me. And yet on opening night I had some good interactions with people that have me hope.

Sometimes people don't want to pri (however you spell that) so dont be to dishearten.

The socialising aspect of being in the group is very challenging to me. I went to a group dinner after one of the shows but left shortly after eating.

I didn't manage to get a seat at the big table which would have helped. I feel so awkward. I totally bailed on the final night party. The whole evening I'd been very emotional and teary. I just couldn't bring myself to go, I was convinced no one likes me and I wouldn't have a good time.

I don't think I'll go back. I try to be bubbly, friendly and approachable but it's hard to keep up the act. Sometimes I have felt very raw so not made an effort.

Hi Chrissywissy,
Sorry to hear that, yes i understand how awkward it must have been for you and like you said "no seat at the main table" yes that would have helped a great deal (blending in at that table)

Im feeling the same today about my (language class tomorrow) they're great people and i can talk and say hi to all of them...but i hate to read out loud and everyone has too. so i get anxious on Tuesdays (so i might not go tomorrow) i like the class but ive done no studying this week and i feel ive let myself down a bit too.

I hope you can overcome yours and start again, i know i have too to learn my Norwegian

chrissywissy wrote:I try to be bubbly, friendly and approachable but it's hard to keep up the act. Sometimes I have felt very raw so not made an effort.

That's the difference , mine isn't an "act" so i guess that's why its harder to maintain.