Alone...

A Borderline trait that is a source of constant unease for me is the fear and discomfort of being alone. I'm never happy when single but, more than that, the physical act of spending time on my own makes me incredibly anxious. Can anyone relate?

I have 8 hours of alone time ahead. Any and all responses would be most welcome.

it's really weird for me, really.

I was 100% fine with being alone before, but then when this issue flared up in me, that all changed, now I can't stand to be alone. it hurts more than anything.

I just want peace...

*hugs*

np01 wrote:it's really weird for me, really.

I was 100% fine with being alone before, but then when this issue flared up in me, that all changed, now I can't stand to be alone. it hurts more than anything.

I just want peace...

*hugs*

Thank you np01.

Sweet of you to respond. Much appreciated.

It's strange, when I'm single, I LOVE to be alone, but when I am in a relationship, I abhor being alone (fear of abandonment issues BIG time!)

My only suggestion is to try to practice mindfulness and take it a minute at a time. I know this might be hard because our minds are so active that one minute of mindfulness feels like an eternity!

Maybe watch a DBT video on youtube?

If it makes you feel any better, I'm at work (where there are tons of people walking by) and I feel very alone right now. I'm trying to walk the walk and take my own advice, so I'm off to watch a DBT video!!!

Hi Journey,

I also enjoy being alone when I'm single. I'm constantly anxious when I'm alone and in a relationship. My dog is a huge comfort to me right now. Things I've been doing lately:

-watch movies/shows on Netflix/Amazon Prime
-take the dog for a long walk with earbuds in
-download music/create playlists on Google Play (I've been searching online for the top hits for every year. That takes awhile)
-put away summer clothes, break out some winter clothes
-stalk celebrities on Facebook
-read books that have been laying around forever

I have a ton of loose ends to tie up with appointments, phone calls, bills etc. from the last year + when I was hospitalized 6 times. Once I get all that crap out of the way I'll probably start volunteering to fill some of my time.

Sorry this is coming in late. I saw it right when I was heading out the door for an appointment with my t. Maybe you can find something useful here for the next time you have some hours you need to fill.

bohemian_butterfly wrote:It's strange, when I'm single, I LOVE to be alone, but when I am in a relationship, I abhor being alone (fear of abandonment issues BIG time!)

My only suggestion is to try to practice mindfulness and take it a minute at a time. I know this might be hard because our minds are so active that one minute of mindfulness feels like an eternity!

Maybe watch a DBT video on youtube?

If it makes you feel any better, I'm at work (where there are tons of people walking by) and I feel very alone right now. I'm trying to walk the walk and take my own advice, so I'm off to watch a DBT video!!!

Hi bohemian_butterfly

Thank you very much for replying.

I made it through. Chardonnay kept me company for a couple of hours!

It's strange... Because I'm in the UK (just after 7am here) I often log on to the forum as soon as I wake up and I'm literally the only active member. That makes me feel very lonely. Lousy time zones!

-- Fri Oct 30, 2015 7:32 am --

Leili wrote:Hi Journey,

I also enjoy being alone when I'm single. I'm constantly anxious when I'm alone and in a relationship. My dog is a huge comfort to me right now. Things I've been doing lately:

-watch movies/shows on Netflix/Amazon Prime
-take the dog for a long walk with earbuds in
-download music/create playlists on Google Play (I've been searching online for the top hits for every year. That takes awhile)
-put away summer clothes, break out some winter clothes
-stalk celebrities on Facebook
-read books that have been laying around forever

I have a ton of loose ends to tie up with appointments, phone calls, bills etc. from the last year + when I was hospitalized 6 times. Once I get all that crap out of the way I'll probably start volunteering to fill some of my time.

Sorry this is coming in late. I saw it right when I was heading out the door for an appointment with my t. Maybe you can find something useful here for the next time you have some hours you need to fill.

Hi Leili

Always great to hear from you as you bring a certain rationale to proceedings!

You're right of course. Distraction is key. Whilst viewing life from under my duvet might feel safe, in actuality it's probably poor practice. I guess some days I just don't want the world to see me. Oh no, I've broken into song!

I can't relate 100% on a personal level, but it is a very common trait of BPD. I think how much you can tolerate being alone has to do with how introverted vs extraverted you are. I'm extremely introverted, so I can tolerate it more. But only for about a day or so. More than that without the company of someone else and I feel like I'm going mad.

-- Fri Oct 30, 2015 7:44 am --

Edit: It might also have to do with how you get your identity, I think. If you get your identity from other people, I can totally see why being alone would be uncomfortable. I'm a "borderline hermit" if you've seen the thread, I don't get my identity from others but from hobbies and work.

It feels peaceful but then creepy to be alone. I talk to my dog a lot. It's like people stress me out but I don't want to be alone.

I need some alone time because I tend to be socially anxious but I definitely get that feeling. I can't even handle my bf dozing off! It's like "DON'T LEAVE ME! GIVE ME ATTENTION!" Even though I know he just worked a 12 hour shift, I feel slightly abandoned when he falls asleep on me.

Seconding the distract skills that people suggested and DBT skills in general. I like watching stand-up comedy specials. I get to laugh and it feels like someone's talking with me.

Also, I think this is a feeling that eventually you just need to tolerate. I was that girl who was always dating/screwing someone because she couldn't handle being alone. When I finally spent time as a single person and tolerated how lonely it felt at first, I was eventually able to see that I'm ok alone and that I don't need anyone to make me feel complete. Being by yourself is a skill. I really need to practice it more myself and I think most people could stand to improve their ability to tolerate being by themselves. On occasion, I go on walks without my ipod so I can just tolerate being with myself and with no distractions. Just me and my mind. It's scary at first but worth it because it starts to feel really zen, especially if you add in some mindfulness exercises.