How would YOU react to these scenarios? Am I too sensitive?

***This is a slightly long post. But I ask you to please read it through because I want to know how you would personally react. Want to know whether my reactions are normal or too extreme***

I live in a big city. Just moved here recently. A couple of my friends have come up for the weekend.
A few times I have felt majorly rejected and angry at them, I want to know how you would have reacted in the same situation. Am I being over sensitive?

Scenario 1: it was the next day after a night out. My friends are in a hotel. I am at my flat. We arranged to meet at 1.30. I text them and say I'm leaving in a min to come meet them and really want to go for a quick burger as I'm so hungry and do they fancy it? One of them replies and says 'if you want one you should go and have it, we're not hungry and are just gunna eat later.' As soon as I read that text a pang of anger went straight through me like I'd just been struck with a lightning bolt made of pure adrenaline. Cause we were meant to be meeting in a minute anyway but because they're both not hungry they just wanted to wait in their hotel to leave me to go and eat alone and then me meet them after I'd eaten?? Now to me that's selfish as F*CK. We're meant to be friends it wouldn't exactly kill them to just sit with me while I ate a burger would it?? Lazy twats.

So I told them I didn't even want to meet them and spend the day with them anymore and that any other friends would just come with me while I got my breakfast but they just couldn't be assed because they aren't hungry yet, and what's the point of us all being friends? I felt like I was causing loads of drama over something petty but at the same time I just felt so angry I couldn't stop myself. I know this sounds so petty but I really thought it was rude. We were meant to be meeting at 1.00 but because they didn't want to eat yet they just said I should get breakfast alone and then meet me after? That's just being a pair of lazy c*nts.

Ok so scenario 2: Because they had to check out of the hotel early they said they didn't really have any plans and were gunna hang around for a bit after checking out. (This convo was had the night before). They both had to get trains later on that day to go back home so they made it sound as if they weren't going to do anything that important. I said to them feel free to just come and hang out at my flat if you want, if it's raining and you've got nowhere to go. So next day, I had a lie in until about 12, as I'd only had about 2 hours sleep per night for the last 3 nights. Then I wake up and text to see what they're doing and get messages back from them saying they went into the main town centre and had been to museums and art galleries.

Again, this INSTANTLY got me mad. The whole time they've been here they hardly wanted to do ANYTHING. I wanted to do things but they constantly said they were too tired. The only things they've done with me is eat and get drunk in the evenings. If they were going to go to museums/art galleries etc I would have loved that and would have made sure I got up in time to go.

I am the person out of all of us that appreciates those kinds of things the most. I am very artistic, I have a huge interest in art and I paint and make art projects all the time, am a fan of various artists etc. And they know this.
So I got mad again and said 'thanks a lot! Save all the good and interesting activities for the time I'm not there.' Then they said something about the fact it had been raining and they'd had nothing to do and then said they'd wait for me to meet them 'if I wanted.'
I got so pissed off I just got some stuff together and jumped on a train and went to stay with my 'friend' who lives in another city about 90 mins away. Sent them another text saying 'that's ok, I've got too much to do anyway. safe journey home'. And I feel now like I just never really want to speak to either of them ever again.

The reason I'm posting this here is because this is, in some shape or form, pretty much how all my friendships go (except for the ones that have ended in physical fights).
Just sometimes on a much bigger and more dramatic scale. I've just been through it so many times that now, as soon as I start feeling majorly rejected/angered I cut them off because I know what's inevitably coming and I just find them to be a dickhead.
These little things like this, just build up and build up and I end up intensely hating the person who I once thought was wonderful.
Am I an awkward b****? Are these my borderline traits coming out?

I just want to know because every friend I've ever had I've lost. My relationships always follow pretty much the same pattern. One thing will trigger my rejection sensitivity and then once that one thing has been triggered it's almost like I can't look at the person in the same way again. It's like, that's it, they are now a d***head and they can never really come back from that.
I've been really struggling with suicidal thoughts tonight. I just want to fix this problem within myself. To me, my friends are just assholes who don't value me and don't really give a $#%^ and aren't true friends. But that's how I end up feeling with pretty much every friendship which is why I'm posting here.

Because, they always follow the same pattern which makes me stop and think, OK is it me with the problem? Am I just way too sensitive?

Well...i personally wouldnt be upset, but im pretty laid back in terms of friendships.

In scenario 1 i would just go get something to eat and then meet them later. If they arent hungry they just arent...i wouldnt think its a big deal they dont come join me for a burger we can always meet later

Scenario 2...it seems like no concrete plans were made. ''feel free to come hang out'' is not a question...if i wanted them to come i would ask them that and wait for a reply. i wouldnt hold it against them if they didnt come unless they specifically tell me they will and dont show up. I would have told them to text me if they decide on some other plans so we can go together

Im a non thou so this is only my perspective.

I'm pure,
Wow haha thanks for replying because I am ... Almost shocked at your reply. How you wouldn't be bothered in either situation... It makes me feel as if I am some crazy demanding b**ch lmao
Do you have a diagnosis of anything else at all?

I dont think youre what you said...i think maybe you are just more sensitive in that regard than i am. I am not dx with anything.

Maybe its worth taking into account that many people especially when in a group or a trip, pay more attention to what the majority wants/ the plans/ and dont take into account every person's feelings at all times. I think the best way to deal with this is just go with the flow and decide with them, give suggestions, ask them clearly, be flexible etc. Yeah, its true sometimes you have to compromise.

In my experience only of course.

The first scenario I wouldn't care about. I'd just go and eat on my own, I don't need anyone to sit and watch me eat.

The second scenario in itself wouldn't bother me so much, however considering the rest of the things you mentioned, I would have found it strange. It sounds like these friends mainly came up to visit you in the new place you live in. Or am I wrong? Cause if they did, it seems weird to spend so much time doing nothing or going about seeing things without you. I don't need "friends" that has nothing to bring me. I would probably have discarded them and never looked back.

I wouldn't have reacted the way you did, but I don't think they were being considerate, I'd find new friends

I would feel sort of down in both scenarios. However, knowing this, I prepare myself.

If we arranged an hour and they change it, well it does pisses me off, but since I know people can do that, I do prepare myself to be ok with it. So, before texting them, I would go with the mentality that it is possible they wouldn't want to come, and I would make the choice to eat because I want to. And to enjoy the burger. And meet with them later.

In the second scenario I would have loved for them to invite me. But since I know this can happen to, for whatever reason, I decide to go and do the stuff I want, and to be clear if I want to make plans with them.

I feel I can understand your anger. I've felt it. It comes from the pain of rejection, at least for me. But since I analyze that people are not rejecting me, but they have their stuff to do, or are not as organized, or well, really sometimes they don't want to hang out, because people also want their private time, I try to soothe myself in order to keep friendship and relationships that are important.

So, I believe your feelings are valid. And maybe, if you want, you can find ways to soothe yourself, and take charge of your feelings so that you could keep the friendship you want to.

Sea

Lets see;

Scenario 1: Would not be mad. They're not hungry. Although, knowing me, I would forgo eating until dinner because I hate doing something when company is waiting.

Scenario 2: I stand with you. If your friends know that you want to hang and you are into that, b.tch, invite your FRIEND!!! It was rude and unfriendly. When my friends decided T up and go to another state to ski shop, they told me I could meet them. I was so steamed I just said "you know what? ###$ it! I'm going to Canada " and drove for 10 hrs just in spite.

keeponriding wrote:The first scenario I wouldn't care about. I'd just go and eat on my own, I don't need anyone to sit and watch me eat.

The second scenario in itself wouldn't bother me so much, however considering the rest of the things you mentioned, I would have found it strange. It sounds like these friends mainly came up to visit you in the new place you live in. Or am I wrong? Cause if they did, it seems weird to spend so much time doing nothing or going about seeing things without you. I don't need "friends" that has nothing to bring me. I would probably have discarded them and never looked back.

They went to an event which I didn't go to as it's not my kinda thing. But they picked my city specifically so they could see me yeah. Exactly, I think they're just really inconsiderate, possibly unintentionally, but it still angers me.

-- Sun Oct 25, 2015 11:04 am --

peaklite wrote:I wouldn't have reacted the way you did, but I don't think they were being considerate

Exactly. Thanks

Seangel wrote:I would feel sort of down in both scenarios. However, knowing this, I prepare myself.

If we arranged an hour and they change it, well it does pisses me off, but since I know people can do that, I do prepare myself to be ok with it. So, before texting them, I would go with the mentality that it is possible they wouldn't want to come, and I would make the choice to eat because I want to. And to enjoy the burger. And meet with them later.

In the second scenario I would have loved for them to invite me. But since I know this can happen to, for whatever reason, I decide to go and do the stuff I want, and to be clear if I want to make plans with them.

I feel I can understand your anger. I've felt it. It comes from the pain of rejection, at least for me. But since I analyze that people are not rejecting me, but they have their stuff to do, or are not as organized, or well, really sometimes they don't want to hang out, because people also want their private time, I try to soothe myself in order to keep friendship and relationships that are important.

So, I believe your feelings are valid. And maybe, if you want, you can find ways to soothe yourself, and take charge of your feelings so that you could keep the friendship you want to.

Sea

Thanks! I've realised now that maybe I was a bit too over sensitive but at the same time they were kinda inconsiderate. I suppose I have to decide whether I want to keep the friendships. Can't believe no one would care about the food thing lol I was so angry I felt like I was just gunna cut them off there and then, but they were really apologetic after lol so I let them off haha