Our love against their love

Okay, so 2 norms that society claims norm, in love, text frivolously all day, lots of PDA, constant check ins, i love u dears all day, needy of one another, other halves, ah so sweet= normal. A more sensitive BPD looks for this or wants it= delusional, clingy, and needy, but norms do it all the time.

I think there may be a media exaggeration on "normal" relations. To be fair, most people I know that are in relationships (ones without BPD, that is), don't text each other non-stop. It happens at the beginning, but it does taper off. It settles into a comfy pace that most people like, which is how they last.

Us, on the other hand, we tend to live by the opening line of a Doors song. "Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name?" We fall fast, we fall hard, and there is none of that settling into cruising speed with us. We start in top speed with the nitrous running, and don't stop until the engine blows. That's a lot more than most people can handle.

We also have a habit of falling for the wrong reasons. Someone can do something completely innocuous and we'll take it the wrong way - that's it, we're in love. The fact that they're currently married and have two kids already means nothing to us; they did that one thing, so they must love us.

That's just my 2¢ on it, though. Sorry, no refunds.

Is that correlated with the, 'a person smiles and says hi,' so you think they are hot for you, infatuated? I used to do this when young, but thankfully learned it was crazy and no longer think this way.

It can also vary with culture and religion too. Lots of people have different ways of demonstrating and 'acceptable' levels of affection and affectionate interaction.

Once I read the blog of a woman born and raised in a western country who had Chinese parents and she was talking about the fact she doesn't hug people. She was getting a lot of comments from friends that she wasn't big on PDA's or hugs, so she thought about it and relised; neither were her parents or any other people she knew from her parent's province in China. Hugging and PDA's just weren't a part of her family's culture or practices.

In the BPD behavior spectrum, I think it's more the motivation and the negative emotions fueling the behaviors that are being identified as needy and clingy.

I know a few of these couples, been together years, and are so lovey dovey, texts all day still, and so co dependent with each other.

I only know one couple like this and if one of them stops responding to texts the other doesn't automatically self-destruct. It's gross to witness but it's not harmful for either individual in the relationship. If they weren't together I'm 100% sure that they would be able to adapt to a new partner's communication style. BPDs don't. They behave one way, expect people to reciprocate and then spiral when they don't. If the way we loved was normal and there were that many people out there doing it we would be able to sustain healthy relationships.

Casper wrote:I think there may be a media exaggeration on "normal" relations. To be fair, most people I know that are in relationships (ones without BPD, that is), don't text each other non-stop. It happens at the beginning, but it does taper off. It settles into a comfy pace that most people like, which is how they last.

Us, on the other hand, we tend to live by the opening line of a Doors song. "Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name?" We fall fast, we fall hard, and there is none of that settling into cruising speed with us. We start in top speed with the nitrous running, and don't stop until the engine blows. That's a lot more than most people can handle.

We also have a habit of falling for the wrong reasons. Someone can do something completely innocuous and we'll take it the wrong way - that's it, we're in love. The fact that they're currently married and have two kids already means nothing to us; they did that one thing, so they must love us.

That's just my 2¢ on it, though. Sorry, no refunds.

Great post Casper. Spot on.

Ayfara wrote:It can also vary with culture and religion too. Lots of people have different ways of demonstrating and 'acceptable' levels of affection and affectionate interaction.

Once I read the blog of a woman born and raised in a western country who had Chinese parents and she was talking about the fact she doesn't hug people. She was getting a lot of comments from friends that she wasn't big on PDA's or hugs, so she thought about it and relised; neither were her parents or any other people she knew from her parent's province in China. Hugging and PDA's just weren't a part of her family's culture or practices.

In the BPD behavior spectrum, I think it's more the motivation and the negative emotions fueling the behaviors that are being identified as needy and clingy.

I think its motivation and negative feelings too. Many pwBPD are also very susceptible to any small change of pace or behavior, which the non many times doesn't notice. And the worst case scenario is being assumed/ thought of.

Like OP said, many couples go through the honeymoon stage, but things become more steady/comf as time passes by. It can be hard to meet the pwBPDs expectations on a constant basis. Agree with the cultural thing as well.

Scenario: strong woman, self identity intact, bitchy, bossy, demanding, larger than life, lots of friends, husband is whipped and happily does whatever she wants= normal

Scenario: BPD no self identity does same and expects same being bitchy, bossy, and demanding=

-- Wed Oct 21, 2015 5:12 am --

My question is how one succeeds and the other implodes = crazy ex

It looks ''normal'' from the outside and i guess it has more to do with success and what you can get away with when powerful. But i dont see someone who is bitchy, bossy and demanding as healthy or someone i would want in my life.

Often there is more than meets the eye in the person's life, the general public just doesnt notice/ pay attention. The grass is always greener blah blah. I think its also good not to compare your life to another's which is of course difficult nowadays.