Feelings do not match facts...causing all the trouble

I have come to notice with myself and with a friend (also bpd) that most of the problems arise from our feelings not matching the facts.

Just because you feel something to be completely true does not make it true. My feelings are so overwhelming that I am convinced they are real. But they are not. Despite evidence to the contrary - my feelings will still convince me that reality is different than it actually is.

I think this might be the cause of all the problems in the lives of people with Bpd....

What do you think?

If you feel something so strongly that you believe it - even though it is not true - when you try to deal with reality - it doesn't go well.... and causes pain and frustration...confusion etc. Is this the cause of all the trouble in our lives or is it more complicated than that?

I'd love to know what others think....

Agreed. Our perception is off. We read into things, causing ourselves pain and others frustration.

pirateeye wrote:Just because you feel something to be completely true does not make it true. My feelings are so overwhelming that I am convinced they are real. But they are not. Despite evidence to the contrary - my feelings will still convince me that reality is different than it actually is.

I self-identify with covert NPD (sometimes called or compared to "acting in" BPD). I can relate to what you said. It felt like I had a 4 year-old's emotional template. Distinct emotional chords, limited range, reactive (not cognitive). It seems like I was living with heavy transference. Living with an interpretation of the "now" using a frame of reference (or lens) from the past.

Those feelings subsided dramatically when I made what seemed like (in retrospect) a simple connection to my mother. I realized I was projecting her at people. The moment I made that observation, my emotions became more cognitive, conscientious. Not reactive (always beneath the skin). I wrote about it here. There was more to it than just realizing something. I had been facing my repeating patterns for two years, and had interpreted myself through cNPD for the last half of that period. A lot of understanding was in place. So, that's why it seemed like such a simple "connection" to make (after all the difficult stuff I faced).

I don't know how that might apply to you guys. Maybe just think of it as transference. Ask yourself, "what would that have looked like to me when I was a kid" (assuming your disorder comes from childhood abuse). I went through a phase where I reflexively asked myself "what would that have looked like to me?" (or, "what did I look like to someone else?"). I saw a number of things differently (and it led to that connection which relieved me of my reactive emotions.).