Where do you see yourself in the future?

It's another stupid question that my psychologist keeps repeating. What does he think I am, a wizard? It would be much easier if he just asked "What do you want?" 'Cause that one's easy. Summer, a room full of weed, brownies and cold beverages, and a chill yet handsy girlfriend who's a total b*tch to everyone except me (well, a little bit b*tch to me too maybe). Done. But noooooo, he wants realistic expectations, realistic, tshhh, like that's ever gonna happen. In fact, I don't even know what the hell he wants me to say.

How about you? Where do you see yourself in the future? Can you even do it?

Rigning wrote:How about you? Where do you see yourself in the future? Can you even do it?

Oh absolutely. I could write pages and pages.
I have plans, actual plans, spreadsheets, visions ...
Goals, dreams, desires.

I'm just spinning my wheels though. Every year I get older and nowhere close to where I want to be. I focus on the wrong things, is the problem. I may have foresight, deep vision, and raw ability to craft the exact life I want. Hell, I could probably even meet the woman I want (I have the looks, but not the personality).

Instead, I wallow and brood and feel sorry for myself. I hurt people, I hurt myself, I do things that sabotage any progress I make. Then I blame the people around me.

I guess you could say I have a lot of insight. Impulsivity is my biggest enemy.

I recall clearly my own thread on this thought and your being triggered
borderline-personality/topic166088.html
and I am still confused, as to why you don't see our interest in knowing you (or by extension, others) better...

I want to be quite wealthy. I'm not as remotely successful as I want to be. Growing up, it seemed everyone wanted to be rich and powerful. Now everyone has matured and only cares about family, enjoying life modestly, creating staged FB photos, and other touchy feely things. I still only care about $$$$. I'm at a point in my life where I have to either completely submerge myself into sales, or acquire a degree. Ugh.

I literally laughed out loud at the question.

Never in my life have I felt a stronger need for a magic 8-ball. Who knows what I'll be doing in 2 years from now. Maybe I'll be drunk, plowing down farm animals in an old Swedish Volvo, or maybe I'll be sniffing coke off a Spice Girl's chest while listening to this. Maybe, hey, maybe I'll simply be dead.

http://www.ask8ball.net/

"Will I be drunk, plowing down farm animals in an old Swedish Volvo in two years from now?" My sources say no.
"Well then, will I be sniffing coke off a Spice Girl's chest while Wannabe is playing in the background?" Ask again later.
"Ok, so will I be dead in two years?" Outlook good.

That's what I'll do. I'll buy a magic 8-ball, and bring it with me just in case my shrink ask again.

Rigning wrote:"Ok, so will I be dead in two years?" Outlook good.

I know right?!

I've done pretty much everything I wanted to do.

I've had a lot of relationships. finished my education. traveled a lot. worked.

now its only about maintenance.

I pretty much want to be able to be lazy and make ends meet. there's not much else I want to do.

sorry to sound boring, but, everything seems like "been there, done that."

not interested on sitting on planes anymore. or sitting in a classroom. or working 10 hour days.

I have a small business. I just want that to continue. and I have a funky little house. my basic needs are met. maybe I would like to move into a nicer house.

I've given up on any kind of relationship...although it would be nice. if it wasn't too triggering.

so, maybe a relationship too, some day.

that's about it. i'm simple, I guess

*Trigger Warning*

All I need is to fight through the next ten years, so I'm more or less in a holding pattern. Although I don't wish them any ill will, I expect that my parents will both have passed by then, and then I will let go. I just don't want either of them to have to go through the distress of burying me.

There are things I haven't been doing or pursuing during the past few years, either because i've been subject to the affects of my symptoms or because I've been taking care of treating my symptoms. But I'd like to be able to be a productive artist and filmmaker again, in a way that is actually sustainable. I'd like to manage to find a way of earning income that doesn't make me miserable. There have been times that I've wanted a family, but I don't see that happening now. I don't currently see myself capable of being in a relationship, but I really want to get there.

What I'd like to see in my future is a small community of friends I connect with, art and filmmaking back in my life, a modest house somewhere peaceful, and a wonderful person to share it with. That's it really. Simple. Will I actually be able to create such a future for myself? I wish I f-cking knew.