A day, night and tomorrow.

So like, I don't wish this to be a place I just vent in order to forget. I do wish for constructive advice about bpd management so let me explain the day and hope for like some constructive feedback i can hopefully do my best to implement into my own life.

So last night I had terrible sleep, up all night tossing around thinking, just trying to calm my mind so I can rest easy and unstressed. As I result I had round 5~6 hrs sleep. During the day I went to the welfare office where I was set up with an interview for position with an a potential £3.20 apprenticeship after 3 months if I manage to get the placement. After dinner I felt myself feeling light headed where I have a 2hr nightmare, shouting and screaming 'be quiet, I'm trying to sleep' which as a result, woke me up.

My friend later texts me wanting to go out tonight. I have my first drink at 9pm stop at 11:55, tell my friend Its unhealthy for me to stay for another, leaving before last orders trying to maintain control. Walked, Home at 1:10.

Now this is natural to me, really this is best behaviour. For the while I've been out and since home (try'd to grab something to eat, water by my side, keep productive management round it.) I've just been thinking, how do I tell them at the interview, how do I explain episodes of dissonance and disorder induced psychosis. Tell them how I end up in a state of shock if anyone barrels down shouting at me. The fact is I want to push through the distress and succeed at the interview but if I do, I won't be honest, I'd be hiding my feelings and persona behind a smile and my hyper-social-ism before the other panicked side of me shows. Being either rational and level headed or a victim.

tbh posting this and knowing there is a place of expression (vent) is helping me, sorry if it's forum clog but I'm finding it's making it easier. Will be listening to responses or none since there is no real question within the post, just an subjective experience. Either way it helping me to maintain focus. So, like, cheers, wish you the best.

Good luck! The interviewer might be hot

I'm pretty sure everyone who interviews presents an unrealistically positive impression of themselves when they interview. In effect I think all people misrepresent themselves. So present however you think will get you what you want and the once in you can work with them more transparently if you wish.

Have fun at the interview and focus on the ways you know you can benefit the organization and how given your skills they will be lucky to have you. Once you have that perspective express that to the interviewer. They know everyone represents their best self only so feel confident doing the same.


Best of luck