if i have BPD can i get help or should i avoid a diagnosis?

k here's the deal, not diagnosed, not even sure if an autistic guy like me can even BE BPD but if i am this is how it manifests and should i try and fix it myself or get help?

1. i'm emotionally unstable as all freakin' hell, i can go from elated to fighting a large group in seconds with almost no provocation, the smallest stimulus makes a huge reaction in me, the slightest agression is likely to end in attempted murder and a truly heartfelt compliment can bring me to my knees, my standard feeling is hollow dread for the days to come and the state of the world. i sometimes have crippling panic attacks.

2. i can't decide what i am or want to be, am i brave or cowardly? strong or weak? smart or dumb. i sometimes roar my questions at the sky hoping my gods will answer and will for days believge they are answering me through "omens" (how my luck is doing, how the weather is, whether i saw a pretty thing, anything really) i genuinely believe this for days at a time, sometimes even even think i'm a sort of demi-god or like the gods favourite mortal etc.

3. i'll drink, smoke or snort almost ANYTHING before i've been so desperate to be wasted i haven't asked what i was taking (several times in fact) this is seldom a good idea though as when i'm intoxicated i tend to hot myself in the ribs with a claw hammer (i have more restraint when sober), but i just can't resisit "partying" you know? booze, drugs, women, shenanigans etc. hell i lost my virginity in threesome with a woman whos name i did not know in a crowded room

4. abandonment: not a MASSIVE deal for me. more like a sore spot you know? my mum left me with my bastard of a dad age 5 and didn't come back for me for eight years.

5. self harm: ribs, claw hammer. i mentioned this.

6. suicide: i survived my third attempt last year.

thoughts?

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Fletcher Christian wrote:*mod edit*

one ###$ up two rescues, that also really wasn't helpful by the way.

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well it's not so please get off my post you miserable little gremlin.

Fletcher Christian wrote:*mod edit*.

I thought this was suppose to be a forum that help or give positive feedbacks or something that isn't negative or triggering. Even if the poster was dishonest, saying stuff like that for other people to see is not exactly right. There are some people who do try multiple suicide attempts countless of times and fail. Know matter what the motive behind them are, they still tried to end their life.

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