*TW*finally sent nc letter to bpd woman

here it is:

I want you to know that this thing is ended .

I know you're not doing this on purpose to hurt me and I know that it bothers you that you hurt me. That's taken a great deal of the anger and hatred away.

But it still doesn't justify what you doing. I want you to leave. you're hurting me so you have to get someone to help you to stop.
What ever existed between us is over it ended a long time ago but because we were both weak it didn't when it should have.

you will never know the torture you put me through with this. There was a time when I had very deep feelings for you it was a time I cared about you. But to do what you did and have those feelings created such incredible ambivalence.

But it doesn't mean anything your just a shadowy person in my life. After 16 years you never even trusted me


I really cared about you once I didn't rip you off I didn't cause you problems I could've easily. But I am a loyal Noble good man.


I need certain things out of a woman that you can't give me.

when I leave you have no excuses. You can't use me as a rationalization anymore. How bad can it b if hes still here be it's not all my fault. there is no justification for what you did what you did is one of the worst things you can do with human being.


I am asking you to please never contact me in any way ever again. Please leave me alone make no attempt in any way to connect to communicate with me please.

There are things you said to me that I can never forget things that were very very damaging and I can never really think of you in the same way again. I never will

I will never allow myself to feel this much again for another human being again.ever.
I really don't feel the way I do about you anymore I will never ever ever trust you ever.
I never wanna feel that way again for another human being It was too much.

You don't have to worry about me I'll be fine.
Everyday I see beautiful women sexy women and I feel a tug at my heart I am free of this enough to move on.
Get help find a way to let this go.

if u r ever tempted to hate me for the things i said remember this;

the cruel things came out of the place of wounded affection.Deeply deeply wounded affection. To feel as much as i did gives another person too much power. The cruelty I gave you the incredible vicious things I said all came out of the unbearable wounds . Unimaginable love and hate warring in the core of my being. You will never know the infinity of feeling that burned through me.


but it is gone,all gone.no more ghosts and shadows for me....

once I make up my mind like this I never go back again

So long honey.

Was this a no-send letter?

I hope you didn't send this. I don't know your situation, but the letter comes off as very hurtful, condescending, and accusatory. It started off well with validating and all, but I would be in pain reading the rest. Just my 2 cents!

seriously move on.

if you can move on, she will have to as a consequence. it might take 6 months, 1 year, 5 years of NC and no reaction, but eventually she will let go.

if she's any real sort of bpd, that sort of absence will trigger a lack of object constancy. she'll simply forget you, get a life, or replace you with another object of desire. most bpds are able to let go once you've been replaced. it depends on the bpds ability to secure a equal or better source.

i don't know the details, maybe you've tried this. I'm sorry, being the attention of any cluster b can be life destroying.

sending her emails like this will only trigger her, and the hell will continue or get worse. you're only causing more drama. "so long honey" isn't really the calm validating statement that will end things amicably. confessing your past love for her won't do it either.

i think you should sort out your own pain and issues first. then nothing anyone can do-- the smear campaigns, the stalking, outbursts can touch you. you'll learn to walk away and deal with the situation in a more productive and healthy manner.

get therapy or at least pick up a book on CBT or DBT.

-- Tue Jul 21, 2015 3:48 pm --

at the very least, learn how to spot the cluster b type before you get involved. it'll save you a lot of pain and trouble in the future, whether that be a neighbour, the girl who works at the coffee shop, or a colleague.

like vampires, you have to "let them in."

ok, i had a moment, and i was bored...i decided to read the entire thing in full.

{quote/} if u r ever tempted to hate me for the things i said remember this;

the cruel things came out of the place of wounded affection.Deeply deeply wounded affection. To feel as much as i did gives another person too much power. The cruelty I gave you the incredible vicious things I said all came out of the unbearable wounds . Unimaginable love and hate warring in the core of my being. You will never know the infinity of feeling that burned through me.

[/quote]

wow

you're trying to say that you hurt her because you couldn't help yourself, you were feeling too much, and this love and deep affection and feeling you had for her gave her too much power over you?

in response, you had to fight against it, it was hate and love wrapped up in a " warring torpedo of hate and love" inside of you?

she hurt you badly, you lashed back in cruel ways that you're now trying to excuse.

regardless of whether she's an awful person-- and she sounds like she is, you have to take responsibility for your own actions and contribution to this "war."

you do know that healthy people don't do this. even in the worst moments of their relationship, they have enough love and RESPECT for each other to not hit below the belt. if the other person hurts you to the degree that you have described, they leave the relationship before it gets worse.

ie. she sleeps with your brother or best friend? two choices: you forgive her, or you leave. you don't go back and burn down her house and sleep with her entire girl crew.

they don't go back and hurt the other person in retaliation and then, go well, you started it and i was in so much pain because you had so much control over me.

you obviously have dependence and attachment issues.

I would think "no contact" means no letters. You just do it. You don't have to explain why. But, if this is what it took to be no-contact. At least your on your way. You shouldn't have to worry about how she took it.

The only reason I would send an announcement that I will no longer allow contact is if I wanted to help them. I don't think what you wrote will be helpful. But, helping them and going no-contact (literally) are two different things. So, it doesn't matter.

I hope you can take control of your life now. Good luck.

Does this mean you'll stop posting on the BPD boards? Like seriously. Get a life, dude. Move on. If you had actually moved on you would just stop talking to her, not spend a ton of time writing a letter about how you're over her.

IHeartMarsha wrote:Does this mean you'll stop posting on the BPD boards? Like seriously. Get a life, dude. Move on. If you had actually moved on you would just stop talking to her, not spend a ton of time writing a letter about how you're over her.

THIS

This 'letter' seems to be seeking attention from the person it is addressed to. It appears to want a reaction. Don't forget me, I still exist. I could say a lot more but I don't wish to point the finger or speculate, however there must be a reason you continue to post on here, from whichever perspective it is - just a thought.