Getting angry and violent after being treated bad

Ok so I have this "friend" who's suffering from insomnia, and we talked and she told me she hasn't been sleeping regularly for one month. She also has a history of substance abuse, and she's taking meds to help her sleep.
I just warned her that not sleeping for weeks is bad, and that eventually it can mess up your brain, and that I experienced something similar.
She started acting very rude, telling me to ###$ myself, telling me "what the ###$ do you want?", and that she's tired of hearing this BS. I apologized saying I might be harsh but I'm just telling her to not undervalue sleep issues, and she kept getting angrier and angrier.

Quick story: I consider her "my abuser", as she's abused me psychologically a few years ago, so that's why I had decided to stay away from her, but now we made peace again, but now she's being rude. She always makes me question whether I'm being the wrong one here. But ALL the ones who know me and who know her tell me that she's abusive, and that I should just stay away from her, and that I've always been right about things and she's always been wrong and manipulative.
Yes, she's been manipulative a lot to me (she liked the fact that I liked her and she used me), she's been abusive to the point of making me cry (and she would keep attacking me even while I cried and asked her to stop), she's had alcohol issues, she once pretended she was in love with me just to attack me later and telling me how stupid and useless I was for even just believing it.

Now I didn't like the way she treated me, okay I admit maybe I didn't pay too much attention and maybe scared her, but jumping to conclusions and telling me to ###$ myself and other rude things, just because I said being sleep deprived is bad for your health is just a little bit too excessive in my opinion.

Now I'm very angry, having mixed feelings (guilt, hurt but extremely angry at her) and wanting to just stop thinking about her. I'm having violent thoughts against her (not going to act on them, I'm not a criminal), and I just want her to pay for what she's done for me.

My main questions are:
1) Is she being abusive, or am I being too emotional?
2) How can I control my emotions right now?
3) Am I being "too borderline" for devaluing her right now and wanting her to just ###$ off? I'm just too angry to even hear her name or see her face

OH, another question....
Am I being subconsciously harsh because, deep inside, the wounds she inflicted on me haven't healed so I'm just subconsciously wanting some kind of revenge?

i understand. i have a friend who's insulted me, made fun of me in public, but then he also helped me, so i have mixed feelings, at times i idolize him n then i devalue him.

i've learnt this here that: human beings are creatures of habit. the kind of equations we've had as kids become blue prints for future equations, n we seek those equations later in life. so if we've been treated by a dominant parent/caretaker then we end up looking for similar people in real life who intimidate us to some extent.

i dont think your being harsh. let her go.if she tells you to leave her, just tell her: 'fine. you're on your own.'

chances are you'll miss her a lot but think about yourself as you'd think about your kid. if someone treated your kid, the way your friend treated you, what would you tell your kid?

i'd take my kid for a walk in the park or to the beach n tell him that it's okay if you're alone without the friend.

we also have a responsibility towards ourself. maybe she has her reasons for her action. dont hate her, just accept the fact that maybe its better for you to make other friends and be with people around whom you're comfortable.

The funny thing here is that I don't even feel like I particularly need her in my life, and I am confused because I feel like I'm forcing myself to act nicely to her when I just want to tell her to ###$ off, also I have no special empathy for her so why am I bothering? It's not just a heat of the moment thing, I haven't felt empathy for her even when she treated me nicely lately.

I've been thinking about a NPD comorbidity lately, and it seems like BPD and NPD traits tend to give me this "mixed feelings state", where I don't really care about that person but I somehow act emotional when that person treats me a certain way.

ElKahn wrote:The funny thing here is that I don't even feel like I particularly need her in my life, and I am confused because I feel like I'm forcing myself to act nicely to her when I just want to tell her to ###$ off, also I have no special empathy for her so why am I bothering? It's not just a heat of the moment thing, I haven't felt empathy for her even when she treated me nicely lately.

I've been thinking about a NPD comorbidity lately, and it seems like BPD and NPD traits tend to give me this "mixed feelings state", where I don't really care about that person but I somehow act emotional when that person treats me a certain way.

i guess we all get emotional at times. if we see a crying kitten on the street, some of us would offer the kitten a shelter or some food. some celebrity might even adopt the kitten and nominate it as their heir.

maybe you're bothered cause
1)you'll have had nice memories together
2)its never nice to see someone suffer

maybe you want to help your friend. but i suggest if she doesnt want your help then avoid it. i'd get upset if my friends asked me about how my depression is going. it was condescending.

She treated me like I was the worst human being ever when I even saved her from suicide. She lied to me all the time. She laughed at me even when I cried. She accused me of absolutely fake things. She used me and all my friends had warned me about this, but I refused to listen because I was in love. How stupid I was! Being in love with such a cruel human being. How can you pretend to be in love with someone just to make them suffer, then tell them that they are a piece of $#%^ for believing it? How can you intentionally be THIS cruel? Well, it's what she did to me.

So, just because I warned her about the risks of being sleep deprived for a long time, she told me to ###$ off. What is this world coming to? Why did I even apologize and acted submissively? Why is that, if I don't really care about her anymore? Why do I have these mixed feelings and actually enjoy if I hurt her, because she did it so many times to me in the past and hurt me so much that she just deserves this, but at the same time I feel like it's more acceptable to apologize? Am I going insane or what?

I'm ignoring her now, who cares if she goes insane. She's already messed up, it's clear she treated me badly, it's clear she's having serious mood and anger issues because of lack of sleep. Why bother? I should stay away from someone who abused me anyway.

I should stop pretending to always be the nice guy, when other people have no issues to mistreat me.

She HAS TO PAY FOR THIS! I simply offered advice and warned her, and she's playing the victim now as she always does. She's mentally unstable and lacks good manners. I should not waste my time on useless people like this.

i just typed a reply but by mistake i refreshed the page aaargh

She treated me like I was the worst human being ever when I even saved her from suicide. She lied to me all the time. She laughed at me even when I cried. She accused me of absolutely fake things. She used me and all my friends had warned me about this, but I refused to listen because I was in love. How stupid I was! Being in love with such a cruel human being. How can you pretend to be in love with someone just to make them suffer, then tell them that they are a piece of $#%^ for believing it? How can you intentionally be THIS cruel? Well, it's what she did to me.

you saved her from suicide. that's a great deed. think of the act as a good memory of the friendship n a good memory in your life.

why are people cruel? they have their reasons. its a tortured soul that tortures others. at times i have said mean things to my friends, caretaker. there are folks who enjoy pleasure by watching others cry.

its like if 3 teams are in a sports tournament. Team A defeats team B, team B defeats team C. and now team A and team C are going to compete.

Team B would want team A to lose, that would make a tie and rematch for all teams.

many people celebrate when disaster strikes an enemy country, when the boss is ill and hasnt come to work.

i'd suggest dont think that the friend is evil. it's her nature. think of it as you're in a forest. there are red n blue berries. the blue berries give you rashes. it doesnt mean blue berries are evil. probably they've developed those chemicals as a defence against herbivores.

it means that the blue berries are not for you, and you'd rather have other berries or food.

So, just because I warned her about the risks of being sleep deprived for a long time, she told me to ###$ off.

once my friend told me: how are you now?
i am happy for you

i felt very bad n angry. it was condescending n i stopped talking with the friend. i dont know you or her nor am i in a position to judge, nor do i want to judge but let it go. you never know what may upset the other person.

if she got angry, that's her choice. you have the choice to let her go n live her life the way she wants to live.

What is this world coming to? Why did I even apologize and acted submissively?

there was a time when i apologized when a friend mocked me in front of everyone. i told him to back off n later had to apologize. i regret it.

but i guess i said sorry cause thats how my childhood was. i didnt get much attention, so with this friend i wanted to repair the friendship n thus said sorry cause that's what he wanted to hear.

i almost say sorry every week. its very frustrating. i feel guilt for minute acts.

Why is that, if I don't really care about her anymore? Why do I have these mixed feelings and actually enjoy if I hurt her, because she did it so many times to me in the past and hurt me so much that she just deserves this, but at the same time I feel like it's more acceptable to apologize? Am I going insane or what?

at times i dream my abusers go through immense pain in life. there was a time when i wanted my friends to be in depression n pain cause that would make me the only one who is in depression. i guess its all right. as long as we dong act on it.

I should stay away from someone who abused me anyway.

true. you have a right to look after yourself. the forest if full of all types of berries.

I should stop pretending to always be the nice guy, when other people have no issues to mistreat me.

you dont have to stop being a nice guy. a cruel guy is also an unhappy guy. but you also dont have to sacrifice your wishes all the time.

She HAS TO PAY FOR THIS!

let karma take care of things. its her life. i suggest let go of the negative energy. there must be a reason for her behavior. let her go. we take lessons from experiences n be careful in the future.

Only you can truly evaluate as to whether this friendship is worth maintaining. If it is unhealthy and detrimental then perhaps you should consider walking away.

It is difficult to come to a conclusion when you don't really know the specifics. I don't necessarily feel like you are condemning her for mistreating you in the past, it doesn't come across that way anyway but like I said, it is always difficult to gauge posts, especially when they are from a single perspective.

To be entirely honest, and I don't mean to support her cause, but as an insomniac myself I find it really annoying when people offer their views with regards to it. The condition in itself is so frustrating, I know the deal, I don't need a bunch of people telling me to have a warm bath before bedtime or sprinkle lavender on my pillow, especially when I've been down the whole sleeping pills route. A bath and lavender ain't going to quite cut it folks! And yes, I must admit, I do get really snappy when people offer their input because I have heard it all before and it is completely irrelevant. I just find it hard to realise that they are only trying to help. Not saying this is definitely the case here but I can understand the "arrrrgh, just shut the hell up" feeling.