How do I escape "living in my own head" to the real world :(

Like the typical BDD"ers I've friends with shallow relations, back in the day I even had allot of friends.

But it doesn't matter how many friend I had, I always feel alone in my own head. Like the saying goes: standing 'between so many people but I still feel lonely', or something like that..

So how do I escape "living in my own head", and get to the real world. I'm not going to lie, it was somewhat comfy, cossy and safe-feeling living in my own head.
But it's time to leave it, And step into the real world. So how do I this?

Hmm...have a similar kind of experience. One way I explain it is my mind doesn't understand the existence of anything other than itself. An imagery would be a rampart surrounding myself that doesn't permit access to objective reality.

It's a real toughie and can easily lead to being ungrounded, escapism, fantasy and the use of defence mechanisms - because it really does seem the mind is determined to stay in this way.

I have never been diagnosed with anything, BPD included. However I find I fit the quiet BPD bill more so because rarely in life do I rage or act out. I 'act in', swinging from pity to indulgence and seldom recognizing compassion given from myself or others because of the vast barriers to perceiving reality as is living in one's own head creates.

It's a difficult one. I am working on this too. I think genuine involvement in community and groups in a consistent manner can aid, provided the group has aims that are beneficial or work on such aspects. An example would be DBT; although I have never tried it, I am enthusiastic to.

Something like this is quite a process to undertake.

Not sure of how. If anyone else has any suggestions, please share! It's about time this mystery gets cracked

That's a tough one, I have a lot of problems with daydreaming while alone but with me I tend to feel more connected when I'm actually around people - like it brings me out of myself.

Do you have many hobbies? Usually when I manage to get really engrossed in something it helps me feel a lot more "down to earth".

I tend to float between both worlds.

Perhaps the first step would be making some genuine, meaningful connections with them human being things?

Guys, I've been researching about this all day and I find the freaking solution!

A traumatic event can make you temporary live in your own head, its to escape physical and/or psychological pain. BPD'ers are sweet and soft, and experience events as traumatic faster then others.

A long or big traumatic event made us believe it's positive to keep"living in our own head". But we need to realise that this traumatic event is over, and it isnt practical to keep living in our head.

But yes we're not there yet.

Even healthy people can "life in there own head", it's simply thinking in a certain way that brings you there. You just have to quit thinking in such a manner.


Now you need to make reality more comfertable, you do this with to stop (A)worrying and to stop (B)negativity

(A)read this about worrying:
"
When Borkovec’s and his colleagues were looking for a treatment for insomnia, they discovered a method that dealt with worry. They found the one thing that works for insomniacs was to get the person’s mind off the worries, as pointed out in Goleman’s book.

The person was able to relax by focusing on various sensations such as breathing, heart rate, etc. In short, shifting one’s attention away from worries can stop them. Basically this technique involves visualization and meditation, which has been used for thousands of years in eastern religion.

Goleman in his book points out that most worriers cannot shift their attention from their worries because they believe that there is something positive in worrying. They feel that worry can deal with potential threatening situations. Simply put, rehearsing a situation in the mind over and over makes them secure, but it does nothing to solve the problem.

New solutions to problems do not come from worrying. In fact, worrying can impede solutions. So if worry is allowed to constantly go around in a loop, there is very little hope stopping it. The bad part of the whole thing is that this sets up a habitual way of thinking.

Now Borkovec points out that the first thing that must be done with worry is self-awareness. This is catching the worry process before it starts. As soon as those thoughts of worry begin, one can apply visualization.

If relaxation and visualization techniques are not enough, then, there is a series of questions one has to ask oneself to combat this worry-anxiety cycle. Here are the Borkovec questions. Is it probable that the event will occur? Are there constructive steps to be taken? Does this problem have to run through this loop over and over? Are there other alternatives to the situation? Now these questions seem to slow down the worrying process and prevent the mind from being consumed by worry.
"


(B)Negativity
"Remove short-term and long-term erroneous doctrines and beliefs, negativity and fears. They can cause SEVERE damage on physical and psychological level
Also, it's unwise to forgive; but rather to stop being long-term offended by others"

In the western world, they call it Mindfulness, the practice of focusing on your immediate surroundings and sensations in the real world. It's done through meditation, while focusing on your physical body, sounds you hear, and your breathing. It's also done during your regular day by focusing on sights and sounds, paying close attention to the things around you, whatever they may be.

I've always been more in my own imagination than present in the real world, so this is something I've been practicing on a daily basis for several months now. I find that it's something that I have to practice constantly.

Just remembered, practices that help with grounding can help.

Martial arts like Tai Chi, Aikido, Cheng Hsin or Qi gong, yoga, etc.

Breathing exercises may help also. Activities with others i.e. pottery or hiking in nature.

A few suggestions, FWIW.

@justmejustme .. what a fantastic post. Thank you for that.

Danieleaf wrote:In the western world, they call it Mindfulness, the practice of focusing on your immediate surroundings and sensations in the real world. It's done through meditation, while focusing on your physical body, sounds you hear, and your breathing. It's also done during your regular day by focusing on sights and sounds, paying close attention to the things around you, whatever they may be.

^Exactly. I've found this, coupled with softly saying to yourself, "Come back, come back," works. I've physically had to pull myself away from things I get absorbed in to be immersed in this moment. And at that point, you have to say, "I (or the term 'you', if you'd prefer) have to focus on the now."

Same goes for living in my head...you have to develop a sort of ADHD-esque attention span. Like, sort of breaking the chain of thoughts. When you find yourself in your head, close your eyes and take a deep, deep breath. What do you smell? Now, pop them open and really see the world. Realize how beautiful it can be.

There's nothing wrong with living in your head. It's a matter of balancing the two though. Moderation.

I had a convo with someone about this earlier today. I wonder how much of this is actually normal behavior, especially for introverts, and when it goes beyond the average into abnormal.

I have heard plenty of people say they 'live in their head' or ' are lonely in the crowd' or are 'separated from others ' yet they still seem capable of making deep connections and to live relatively in the world around them, so I am thinking they aren't aware of what separation feels like and exaggerate their feelings . As if the normal emotion of loneliness becomes some drastic event....

Anyway, I highly relate to 'living in my own head'. There seems to be a big disconnect between me and others and even my own emotions and opinions. I think this may be because at least in borderline and in other personality disorders possibly (schizoid personality for example) depersonalization is likely to frequently happen to them.

It's like floating away from everyone in the clouds connected by some kind of thin string and the world is blurry and vague. Just very much like being an observer, not a participant, but I can still feel that I am connected to it somehow.

You are all very different from me though. I don't want to live in the real world. I just want to deal with it better.

-- Fri Aug 07, 2015 10:56 pm --

I'll say the issue is more the disconnection that may be present in 'living in your head' .

I guess I want a clarification. I mean I get to the point where when I am reacting with others it doesn't really feel like i"m completely present ,as if it's an automatic thing rather than something I am actually invested in. Of course, I think maybe I am really invested in it and I just can't tell.