Love

I've been thinking about this subject lately and I don't think I have the capacity to feel this particular emotion for another human. I can care for someone a great deal, but then they could die or I could never see them again and not feel a sense of loss or sadness. If they leave me, I do feel anger, but that's just my abandonment issues. I know that what I feel for my cats is far deeper and more intense that what I feel for any human.

I have 2 questions for those of you who are certain that you love or have loved someone...

1. How did you know?
2. What does it feel like?

*Edit - My ex may be the exception, but how do I tell for sure?

Maybe I'm not qualified to answer because I'm not sure I've ever loved someone either. I thought i did at the time, with various boyfriends. And we are still friends and still in touch, and I would say I still "care" about them. But I'm glad we are no longer involved, and I prefer keeping them at arm's length.

I'm not sure BPDs are really capable of love the way Nons are. I don't think any of the Cluster Bs are.

Its an interesting topic.

Love is one of those intangibles that everyone can answer, but no one can answer. And nothing anyone says will make sense to the way that you alone have ever felt it, or not. And that's the rub, it's your experience and yours alone.

To answer your questions, jabberwocky...

How did I know: Because I didn't know anything else. Because I couldn't imagine a life or time or place before this person, and nothing mattered before this person came into my life. Whatever I thought mattered to me, didn't matter nearly as much as it did while sharing it with this person...because for whatever reason, they understood some part of me that no one ever did. And it was wonderful.

What does it feel like: It feels like the most wonderful drug you've ever taken in your whole life. Simply put, it is f-ckng amazing. Nothing compares to it. Nothing. In the beginning, you are in a euphoric high, like nothing you've ever experienced (even if you have), and life is so much more colorful, so much more beautiful. You walk around like you are simply indestructible, like you can take on the whole f-ckng world. In short, it's absolutely wondrous.

How can you tell: Well, when you experience it, there is no doubt whatsoever.

I've been with my SO for three years, so maybe I can answer this, to the best of my ability.

Falling in love for me is a high of sorts, like infatuation is a drug and every time you see the person, you take a hit of that drug. Infatuation never lasts though and anywhere from a couple of months to 2 years later, the love has to turn to mature love or it will falter out.

I stopped being infatuated with my SO around 11 months or so later, but I noticed the seeds around 6 months. Now for me I am concerned about him, if something bad happens to him, I'm concerned. Worried about him. Wanting him to be happy. I don't know exactly if this is "mature" love though because I'm emotionally very, very immature, but there it is. I still push/pull with him quite frequently. He says something hurtful, I say I'm going to leave, when I cool down I regret trying to end the relationship.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70avXeLjDgQ

Hey Jabb, this is the way I look at it.

jabberwocky wrote:1. How did you know?

You know, when you've arrived at the conclusion as to why this person is unique, and your self esteem goes through the roof. You begin to see the world differently.

jabberwocky wrote:2. What does it feel like?

It feels like you're special, and no matter what mess you get into, this person's going to have your back. Their feelings are unconditional. You can't sleep when you're with them and you can't sleep when they're not around.

jabberwocky wrote:I have 2 questions for those of you who are certain that you love or have loved someone...

1. How did you know?
2. What does it feel like?

1. when I love someone, I care more about their happiness than anything. for me this is one of the main differences between loving someone and just feeling like I need someone around. when I just need someone around, then that's it - I need them around, their feelings or wants be damned. when I love someone, their needs trump mine. mine still matter, but I care deeply about reaching a compromise. I was able to let the love of my life go and travel the world for years not knowing if I'd ever see him again because his need to do that was more important than my desire to have him around. basically I'd rather let him go and know he's happy than ask him to stay and know he's not happy being with me.

2. just.... amazing. when I'm in love, the sky is bluer, and it goes on forever. everything is bright and beautiful and I feel awe at the world. I have a skip in my step, I smile, I get along better in general. I don't feel bitter or annoyed when I see couples being coupley. I am able to be genuinely happy for my friends who are also in love. I laugh more. I sleep better, I have more energy, I take better care of myself, I just enjoy everything more, whether it involves them or not. I feel like a whole human being instead of empty.

I agree with rainbow sprinkles.
(although, I'm not sure I will let anyone else's needs quite trump mine....but I will start [at least] taking them into account the more I feel for you. )

love is when she makes me feel like i'm the one who makes her feel good even though she could do that fine on her own.

i think the idea of love is so idealised by books movies commercials etc
i think you just look for someone who can stand you and you just stay together
love is no more than brain Chemistry
ppl confuse love for a relationship
ppl like to think it can be unconditionaly
nothing is unconditionaly
like anny other system it survives with an investment and it Always surves with more investmenting than what you get out of it