sadistic thoughts

i spend last evening thinking evil thoughts about my abuser. sort of wanted him to suffer, n i was gloating about it, like making plans of how karma will get back at him.

it's sad. i want to let go of the hatred n evil thoughts. any insight?

Smoking weed helps for me.. but obviously it isn't a solution

lol

I have similar thoughts but I don't think of them as sadistic really. More like I'm playing the scene in my head so I won't feel a need to do it for real. A method for violence management.

*TW*
Starting when I was a teenager, I'd imagine knocking my younger brother to the ground and forcing my thumbs into his eyesockets down to the last knuckle. He was bipolar, and nearly impossible to live with. Those fantasies allowed me to continue to tolerate him when no one else could.

Its enabled me to have a reputation as a person who wouldn't hurt a fly. Its a good thing folks don't see what's in my head.

Hmmm...thanks for this. it's a different way of seeing the same act. i guess it's all right as long as i dont obsess over the thoughts and entertain them day in and day out

takes me a couple of months to let go. i think letting go isn't the correct way of phrasing how i deal with it though. my shrink asked me how i deal with it, and i still don't know the answer. i don't think i deal with it at all. forget, maybe? takes a long time to forget. but i keep busy. i used to keep busy in front of my computer, but since my mind refuses to let me dive into and get lost in fantasy anymore (tv series, movies, games, coding, writing, design), i fix up my apartment instead. removed the old panels and put up dry wall. painted and all that. it's kind of refreshing. never did have a style, never did care, still don't i guess. but, i'm making this apartment my home for once, with a parts of me in it. instead of just living in some random apartment for years that's just "home" because my stuff happen to be in it... or feeling like home is anywhere but at home *cough* like at a friend's house. i got the white walls that i like, i got the black curtains that i like, i even looked up some paintings, printed them and made frames for them so i can put them up on my walls. ugh, i even do chores around the house now. son of a...

mindfunkmmMM wrote:Smoking weed helps for me.. but obviously it isn't a solution

Always helped me as well.

Now that I can't, I must find other ways.
Chores and vigorous exercise are good distractions for me and stress relievers as well.
Or reading Buddhist/Hindu scriptures.
They make me believe in myself. Those thoughts subside when I am in that mindset.

jaus tail wrote:i spend last evening thinking evil thoughts about my abuser. sort of wanted him to suffer, n i was gloating about it, like making plans of how karma will get back at him.

it's sad. i want to let go of the hatred n evil thoughts. any insight?

Just remember, jaus, everyone reacts differently to trying situations and has shortcomings in one way or another.

Sometimes it just helps to separate myths from facts:

Do you find it difficult to keep a lid on your temper? If so, it helps to separate myths from facts.

One myth is: “I can’t control my temper—I come from a long line of hotheads!”

Fact: You may well be disposed to rage—perhaps because of the influence of family, environment, or other factors. But what you do with that rage is within your control. The question is, Where do you want to be when it comes to your emotions—in the driver’s seat or in the passenger’s seat? Others have learned to control their anger, and so can you.

Another myth: “If I’m angry, it’s better to let it all out than to bottle it up inside.”

Fact: Both approaches can be harmful to your health. True, there’s a time to “give vent” to your concern. But that doesn’t mean you should walk around like a stick of dynamite looking for a fuse. You can learn to express strong emotions without exploding.



Another myth: “If I’m ‘gentle toward all,’ everyone will walk all over me.”

People can sense that it takes real strength to display self-control, and they will respect you more if you do that.



If you tend to be temperamental, perhaps until now you’ve blamed others for your outbursts. For example, have you ever said, “She provoked me” or “He made me lose my temper”? If so, your very words suggest that others are holding the remote control to your emotions. How can you regain command? Try the following.

Assume responsibility. It all starts with acknowledging that you—and only you—can “make” yourself angry. So take finger-pointing accusations out of your vocabulary. Instead of saying, “She provoked me,” admit to yourself, ‘I allowed myself to be provoked.’ Instead of saying, “He made me lose my temper,” acknowledge to yourself, ‘I chose to overreact.’ Once you accept responsibility for your actions, you’ll be better able to change them.

Anticipate the problem. Ask yourself, ‘When is my temper most likely to flare?’


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Plan a better response. When provoked, take a deep breath, lower your voice, and speak slowly. Instead of making an accusation (“You thief! You took my sweater without asking!”) try expressing how the action affects you. (“I really get frustrated when I want to wear my sweater and I find out that you ‘borrowed’ it without asking me.”)

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Consider the consequences. For example:

Words can hurt, and when you lose your temper, you’re almost sure to say something you’ll regret later. In the end, a tirade only makes you look foolish.

A bad temper is bad for your health.
Think of the consequences of your words and actions.

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Get help. People learn from one another. Why not ask a parent or a mature friend how he or she keeps calm?

Monitor your progress. Keep a journal, and monitor your progress. Each time you lose control, write down (1) what happened, (2) how you reacted, and (3) a better response. In time, you’ll find that the better response becomes your first one!

We love hearing from you, jaus! Feel free to PM any one of us...

thanks. the anticipate the problem n identify the triggers is helpful.