Madonna/whore complex

Im starting to think i suffer from some form of the madonna whore complex. the close i am to to someone, the less likely i am to develop a romantic or physical attraction to them. i might idealize them in the beginning, but over time the devaluation will occur.

i have a tendency to either box them in the friend category, which is still troublesome, since i start fights or overwhelm people with my needs, drama and ocd compulsive rants, or the sex category. the two rarely mix.

I can relate to what you're saying. I believe M-H complex affected me when I was younger. But, I think the distinction I make now (the kind you describe) is that I can't be that vulnerable and maintain the kind of stability of my self with someone I'm that vulnerable with.

The outcome is similar. But, it seems like the source is different.

I may have something like this too.

Maybe not exactly though. Trying to put my finger on it. I am attracted to guys that are kind of dangerous, exciting, but I had a phase when I was younger that I was attracted to the nerdy types. The older I got, the more I was attracted to the "bad" types.

All my long relationships have been with bad boys who treated me badly.

I had nice and nerdy guys interested in me, but I needed the drama and intensity in order to feel alive. That is what my therapist told me, as well.

Today, I have handsome guys that treat me nicely that want to date me and sleep with me... but without the drama and the intensity and danger, etc., it seems like something is missing. I WANT to do it..but it just seems "off" somehow. My guess is, if I were a Non, I wouldn't have that issue. But something about BPD requires me to have that danger in order to feel attraction.

i love bad boys, although I'm trying to change that

i think its caused by my huge fear of intimacy. my world might implode if i have sex with the guy who knows me and likes me. what if he wants to stroke my hair; i can't show that kind of vulnerability. i don't think i ever really do in person.

emotional intimacy and connection is something i don't feel very much. the psychic bonds felt with other cluster b types are more of a result of mutual trauma experiences, and that never lasts. it ends in disaster.

I think I know what you mean.

Kind of like a twisted way to avoid abandonment, maybe?

If I get abandoned by the guy who hit me and abused me, no big deal. I'm better off.

But if I let myself fall in love with the guy who is good to me, and then he abandons me, I have no excuse for it. It must have been all me. And I think that would crush my world, probably.

Just my guess. But whatever wall is put up, I can't take it down. Something absolutely will not let me feel anything for a guy who will be good to me and reliable and available.

hmmm, i think, for me, its more about getting abandoned by someone who loved me, i don't know if i would blame myself for the loss. i might, although whenever i lose other type of relationships, like in friendship or familial, i always blame them.

I've never been in a physically abusive relationship with anyone. as for emotional abuse, i won't generally stand for outright insults, its more of the covert passive aggressive comments i deal with, ultimately the more destructive kind.

if its overt, i generally am assertive, possibly too aggressive, instead of letting things slide.

i have to learn how to manage my relationships in a more affective diplomatic manner rather than abruptly cutting people off whenever they do something to annoy me, which often happens quite often; humans are deeply flawed, myself included.

-- Mon Jun 29, 2015 11:27 am --

i think i couldn't deal with someone leaving me in general, if i got attached, so i leave first, every time, or destroy the relationship from the get go. its really fun....