New BPD member in need *trigger?*

Hi, I'm a female who was diagnosed with Borderline PD, I have a new born and things are going amazing in that area of my life. I'm a very stable mom, actually way better than I, or anyone thought.

Her father and I have had a horrible relationship *trigger* He emotionally, mentally, and physically abused me for almost 3 years, even when I was pregnant *end trigger*

He has isolated me before, making it seem like I'm the one who stayed inside his room all day every day from choice. He cheated on me more times than I can count (or probably even know), he has gas lighted me into oblivion, he lies and makes up realities of himself to portray on to other people, and he has very violent outbreaks. He manipulates people, and I can just go on and on. He has never been to a therapist because "they are for crazy people, and I'm not crazy"

A few days ago we agreed to try to be together again, and part of the agreement is individual therapy, and a clean slate. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, but try telling that to someone with BPD and "in love" with someone like him. I've heard it all, we both have.

I would really like to make friends, get advice/support, and try to subdue my disorder naturally. I have taken medication before but I don't like it. I don't even take medicine when I'm sick, have a tooth ache, or anything. So I wanna try to just work on my psyche naturally.

Thanks for reading

Hi, and welcome. I'm taking the "natural" approach as well for the issues that I deal with…meditation, exercise, CBT and DBT, that sort of thing. It's a lot of hard work, but the skills learned are more enduring I think, or I hope.

There are those who believe that people can't change or if you've been mistreated by someone, you should simply walk away and never look back. Personally, I'm of the belief that people can indeed change, but only if they want to, and only if they work hard to do so. Individual therapy sounds like a good thing for you both, and I wish you luck.

Do you think you will still want to be with him if you overcome your BPD? Please be careful whatever you do because if you get back with him then you are introducing a full time abusive person to your infant's life and home. You say you are a stable mom and way better than you thought but what about that? Are you thinking of the danger to your infant or only about your own emotional desires? You know he is capable of physically abusing people but you will let him be in your infant's life? Will you let him be alone with your child? I am not trying to make you feel bad at all but I bet you are a good person who loves your infant very much so please consider these things! It would be a very tragic outcome if this man were to emotionally or physically be toxic to your child and then not only would the child be abused but you would feel horrible and I know how terrible and destructive shame feels with BPD. I would not want this situation to happen to you or your infant. Maybe if you have a hard time loving yourself and demanding better for yourself then you could let your love for your child help you protect the both of you?

Danieleaf wrote:Hi, and welcome. I'm taking the "natural" approach as well for the issues that I deal with…meditation, exercise, CBT and DBT, that sort of thing. It's a lot of hard work, but the skills learned are more enduring I think, or I hope.

There are those who believe that people can't change or if you've been mistreated by someone, you should simply walk away and never look back. Personally, I'm of the belief that people can indeed change, but only if they want to, and only if they work hard to do so. Individual therapy sounds like a good thing for you both, and I wish you luck.

I'm going to start dance classes soon, around the same time I find a therapist. How is CBT? I'm looking through my old DBT packet for reference and self help.

Not really enough information to be sure, but that kinda sounds like a classic BPD/NPD pairing to me, or maybe he has antisocial personality. Regardless, that's so sh**ty for you, I'm sorry.

The best thing I can suggest is something called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It was developed specifically to treat BPD. It is usually significantly more expensive than normal CBT, at least here in the US, and requires a therapist with special training.

It has a high success rate for treating BPD, but you have to promise yourself that you will not allow yourself to see the therapist as an adversary. Always consider the therapist in DBT as your ally. If they aren't working for you then switch to another but never see them as the enemy.

AnxiousFox wrote:I'm going to start dance classes soon, around the same time I find a therapist. How is CBT? I'm looking through my old DBT packet for reference and self help.

Well, CBT is basically training yourself with logic exercises. For example, if you're prone to imagining the worst scenarios when say, someone doesn't get in touch with you right away, it helps you to deduce what you know, what you can prove. Then it helps with how you react to things in a more emotionally appropriate manner. It takes time and practice before it becomes your default reaction, but it's damn helpful.