I'm not even sure how I feel about my own mom

you're allowed to stand up for yourself. think of it as how would you react if someone spoke with your kid like that.
i try to be polite with my caretaker...like explain to her why what she did was wrong.
she would shout at her maids a lot, so i politely explained to her that not everyone knows everything and shouting at someone won't help the person.
once my caretaker rummaged into my closet and said, 'oh i'm your caretaker and i have every right to look through your stuff.'

i know how confusing these emotions can be. hope things get better.

this confusion affected me as well. i would adore my friends. think of them as 'awesome, so cool, so strong n supportive.' n then switch to, 'they're mean, they don't call me. they're rude. they've forgotten me.'

now i try not to think too high of someone. so by default when the person does a disapproving act, i dont get much disappointed.

try to separate the act from the person. its her act that's good or bad.

it took me a lot of time to realize that people have reasons for doing bad stuff. its a tortured soul that tortures others. if someone is dealt with ill behavior, he/she will release his anger/frustration at others.
the world is a difficult place to live.

maybe your mother has reasons why she acts the way she does. politely telling her and explaining to her why she was wrong may help.

you shouldn't feel guilty of thinking bad at her at one time and thinking good of her the next.

at times its natural to be angry at someone. like if i had a friend that i got along well with, i'd think high of him. but if suddenly one day i find him stealing from my wallet, i'd be angry with him.
or if by mistake he makes some food with poison in it n feeds it to my child, then i'd be angry with him.

we're allowed to be angry or disappointed with someone. how we release the anger or display our disappointment to the other person is important.