So... I'm trying to get help

...and I'm getting nowhere.

I don't know what to do honestly.

I don't have insurance, or much extra money... hence no insurance... so I'm trying to find someone on a sliding scale, or more affordable. I've been making calls, and I just get voicemails and no one calls me back.

I just want to give up. My husband gave up on me... and then he changed his mind... and he wants to be there for me. He expected I would be able to fix things. I've come a long way, so, why can't I get past this too?

I don't know what happened exactly. Everything got to be too much. Work, and people, and responsibilities, and trying to move forward, and thinking about my future... and then I got sick. Very, very sick. I just crumbled. I'm afraid something is wrong with me... physically. Mentally, I know there's something wrong with me. Physically, I don't know... but I felt like something inside me was rupturing.

I have no insurance, so... that's a problem. But it's not just an issue of money. I could have afforded insurance. I didn't want to. I have a severe phobia of hospitals, and medical procedures... like, severe phobia. I can't deal with it. So, not having insurance is a good way for me to avoid dealing with that fear. In any case... I wouldn't see a doctor, or, even call an ambulance when I felt like it could be serious. I figured I'd wait it out. I told myself I'd call if I got worse. It didn't get worse. It didn't get better either. I could barely move for days. I couldn't eat. But clearly I didn't die, so there's that.

No one cared. No one helped. People just got angry at me. At work, when I finally went back... they left me by myself... with people lining up to yell at me, literally. And they just left me by myself. All of my coworkers quit. All of them. But I don't have that option. I have no help at all. No support. Nothing to fall back on. I am married... but... he's in a a situation himself, where I'm essentially on my own. He can only give me moral support.

And... that's when my husband decided he had enough of me too... because I was being irresponsible, and I'd get myself fired for taking so many days off. Honestly though, they wouldn't fire me. They have nobody else.

It was funny though... they had to bring in other employees from other places, to fill in for my missing coworkers. I kept hearing from them... how everyone hates me, basically. "Oh, you're the one who keeps getting transfered because no one can get along with you." I posted about this before. Everybody hates me. Eventually. I alienate everybody. I know it's my fault. I hate them too.

So I had this thought... to get back to my original point... I remember when I was younger... I remember how, when I was on medication I was "much nicer", "better to be around" etc. I hated them for saying that. But maybe they were right. And maybe I need to go back on medication so that I don't run everyone out of my life.

But... I'm at a loss now. I don't know how to get help in my current circumstances.

Sorry to ramble... I just felt like venting I guess. But, if anyone has any practical suggestions, it would be appreciated.

i'm sorry you're going through this.

even i feel very alone n lonely at times. no family to back on. yesterday i spoke with my friends n cried n cried. i am glad they listened to me.

life sure is difficult at times. wish i had more helpful advice.

take care...taking one day at a time helps.
dont bother what others think. what your colleagues think of you is their problem not yours.
i talk to friends on this forum and that's all i need.

Hey Letha,

Is your primary concern, the cost of obtaining a script, or the cost of the medication without insurance? Would you be able to afford the medication, if it was your only expense, and without an insurance adjustment?

Obtaining a prescription is my main concern... the cost I could probably figure out. My expenses would actually probably improve if I had medication to help with stress, instead of my $50ish a week trip to the liquor store.

Going with generics or finding another solution for medication costs probably wouldn't be too hard. At the moment... I'm not even able to get in touch with anyone to prescribe me anything. And the costs of normal sessions I know can be expensive without insurance.

Yeah, I figured that would be the problem. Unfortunately, I don't know anyway around finding inexpensive psych/ther, but I'll do some research maybe i can find something. You're right generics are easy to obtain. I do that quite a bit scrip or no scrip. I found a consolidated section of links that you may be interested in, but I can't post that here because it's against forum rules. But I'll gladly PM them to you, might be something there than can help you, and it will definitely give you something to read. I'll do that when I get a minute.

Public healthcare is usually available to people that are tight on money. How much have you explored that option?

I've looked into what kind of help is available for people with lower incomes, and... I make too much. Just a little too much. I opted out of health insurance when it was available to me because I spent all my money on a new car instead. I could have bought a cheaper car. I didn't want to. I also accumulated some credit card debt. So... paying this off, I don't have much left over for anything else.

Dealing with this, I remembered a funny thing from when I was young. My mother went bankrupt, in part, because of medical bills. She blamed me for it. She had insurance... good insurance, and a decent government job. But, still. Sometimes, on the way to the doctor, or the dentist even, she would tell me things like, "You know, I could have bought you some new shoes, but instead I have to spend it on the doctor." These days... I always pick the shoes.

Anyway... Private Joker gave me some Ideas where else to look, so maybe I'll figure something out. If I can wake up early enough tomorrow I was going to make some phone calls.