Sexual rejection (possible TW)

Sorry if this is triggering. I know people with BPD deal with sex differently. For me, I once read that people in relationships must do it once a week or there is a problem with the relationship. Since I read this (years ago) I've had trouble. At first I assumed she must be cheating on me if we didn't do it much. She has a low sex drive. At first when it started happening I'd guilt trip her by crying my eyes out saying she didn't love me and I felt unwanted. I've done it so often that now she just tells me I'm being silly and she doesn't want to have the conversation again. And she has got better. But these past few weeks we haven't done it at all because she's been tired, or upset at something, etc. But every evening we don't do it it feels like I'm being rejected over and over. I have a big problem dealing with this. I try not to take it personally but I can't help it. My mind just thinks if she loves me and wants me, why isn't she sleeping with me? Half the time I don't want it too but I panic about our relationship and try and guilt trip her into doing it, then I worry during it that she actually isn't that interested, and it ends up not being that great.

This is one of my biggest problems. How can I treat the situation more rationally?

Preliminaires.

-- Thu Apr 30, 2015 3:34 pm --

I mean is it once a week too much?

-- Thu Apr 30, 2015 3:35 pm --

Explain her the situation, maybe she has her own issues.

How long has this been going on for? How long have you been together?

I'm not sure what your question means. Once a week is fine for me, but any less and I get panicky. It's been three weeks. And yes she has loads of issues! And I know I overreact, but to me it just seems like she doesn't want me. I have explained how I feel and she apologises a lot but it means nothing to me if nothing sexual happens.

I mean once a week is not asking too much, unless she has issues.

I know. And she has issues but they are not sexual ones, they do impact on how she feels though. Usually it is once a week but when for various reasons it isn't, like at the moment, I react badly. There's always going to be exceptions but how can I stop assuming it's all about how she feels about me?

Real hard question.

Ask her for do it twice, in case she retreats you once, you will still get second chance that week.

The problem is it's been every night this week she's rejected me!

There's no hard and fast rule of once a week, that's entirely variable. A bigger problem is the crying and neediness, that's poisonous to retaining her respect in you, and it is sexually repellant.

If you want my advice, I'd say walk. Even if I'm wrong and you haven't tarnished your image in her eyes beyond all repair, its still the strong thing for you, and you are unlikely to be happy with anyone who wants sex that much less than you do. Asking her to have sex more often just because you want it isn't really fair and can turn abusive if you demand it or try to manipulate her into it.

So exiting the relationship is probably healthiest for both of you.

creative_nothing wrote:Preliminaires.