Why am I constantly changing who I want to be?

Hi I'm new to this site but I've had this question on my mind for a long time so I wanted to see if anyone has had this problem/experiece before.

So basically, I don't really know how long I've had this but I've only noticed it recently. I am constantly changing my ambitions and who I want to be as a person. If I watch a film and I see someone in it that I like, I go on the Internet afterwards and find out lots of things about that certain character in order for me to be like them. But for some reason, these characters are almost always villains. I don't know why I Iike them I just do, however I think it could be because of the negative attention they get. Plus I just think they're cool. For a while now I've had this big dream to become like a serial killer or a murderer and I know that sounds horrible and insane and I really don't know what makes me want to be like that!! I have little fantasies in my head of being escorted by police into a police car after committing a murder and I don't even feel guilty when I think of them. Another time, I wanted to be a beautiful and famous actress and that obsession lasted about 6 months. I wanted to be so beautiful and I didn't think my life would be worth living unless I was the most beautiful person to have ever lived, which I know is impossible. My other past ambitions includes wanting to be a cat burgular!, a bank robber, a queen, the prime minister, an assassin, a spy, a sociopath, wanting to be depressed and for people to know, wanting to be suicidal, to have a personality disorder, to be tortured, to be a sad orphan who has lost her parents, to be really rebellious in school etc etc. I am always trying to change my personality to fit with who I want to be. For instance, when I wanted to appear depressed to everyone in my school, I acted sad and didn't talk much and I also even cut myself because I secretly wanted somebody to notice and feel sorry for me. I think I could have a personality disorder because I am always changing my identity and when I first found out about them, I really wanted one just for attention and made sure to act like my mood was always changing etc. but now I really don't want one. Please help me figure out what is wrong with me and I hope you don't think that I'm a freak for these thoughts. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. This is really upsetting me so please don't be mean! Thanks x

I think it's just some sort of brainwashing. Movies portray villans in a cool way but if you're not a psycho you won't like it at all to be in their shoes. Movies are fictive. All the effects (music and whatever) make them differ from reality and it might give you the impression that it might be cool living a similar experience with the one depicted in them. But usually it's not.

I always wanted to be a gangster. And I like it when I get the opportunity to settle the score with someone. But I do fear vengeance. And killing someone will probably produce great psychological repercussions. So in reality, it would be a far more stressful lifestyle than the one portrayed in movies.

i was the same. i would get influenced very quickly. if i'd read a quote about staying in touch with friends, i'd call up all my friends
if i read a quote about following ur dreams, i'd pursue my passion

i often appeared sad to get pity/attention. i guess this came cause my caretaker would often cry n get attention so i thought that if i cry then even i will get attention.

i dont watch much tv now. so the input that 'crying will give attention' doesnt come. so that has reduced a lot

i think its ok to want to me a spy one day, or want to be a villain. many people after watching fast n furious dream of driving a car at super high speed. that's all right to some extent.

what helps me:

the reason i'd go in parallel world was cause i was unhappy in real world. so the more unhappy i was in real world, the more urges i had to go into parallel world

People with personality disorders, specifically BPD, typically have identity issues/lack of self-identity. This is often due to childhood neglect, abuse/trauma. BPD people tend to become chameleons and adopt personalities of those around them so they can fit in. Self harm and knowingly manipulating people around you for attention is a cry for help. I recommend you seek help from a professional. Only proper diagnosis and treatment can help you move forward. Good luck!