Do you feel betrayed randomly?

What I mean by that is, do you feel like your partner would cheat on you (male/female) and sometimes you use it as an argument to cheat or leave the partner before they do leave or cheat on you?

Do you feel low to zero trust towards your partner even after been long time together and having built up strong level of trust? Or is it the unhappiness with your own emotions that keep you away from trusting your partner because you don't trust yourself in the first place?


Thanks alot for any response.

Hi Breaking Good

I do kind of relate to this. Its hard for me to trust people. I'm not sure if its because I think they are not trustworthy, or if its just because my self-esteem is so low its hard for me to believe someone could actually want me. So I assume my boyfriend is constantly looking for someone else to replace me with. Its hard for me to feel secure in a relationship. I always feel like I'm just the temporary person until they find someone better.

As for the cheating, yes, I guess I do that. I remember the first time I cheated on a boyfriend. I was very into him but it was a pretty new relationship. 4 months in I guess. He went out of town to visit his family for a couple weeks. I felt so abandoned and missing him so much it was unbearable. I slept with another guy thinking maybe it would make me feel less attached. It just made me feel guilty though. And yes, I was afraid he was going to cheat on me while he was away.

I don't cheat very often, but I guess it does happen when I'm trying to deal with fears of abandonment and panic over feeling overly attached to someone. I feel so guilty afterwards though so its something I try my hardest not to do.

I do sometimes experience irrational fears of my partner cheating on me or leaving me. it mostly happens in situations where it's not so irrational though. my intuition is pretty good. so luckily I'm usually aware that my feelings are irrational and I just try to work through them.

Yup, and they all pretty much cheated on me (admitted it). :/

Well, staying faithful to one person for many years is really hard, since in modern times it is justified not to be living in monogamy. I think there is more to it than simply personality disorders.

The cure for all of this is the disease itself. Sometimes our worst enemies, if not too many, become our friends and vice versa. I am doing a study on these topics about paranoia mistrust and so on people have these days going on in the era of technology (Supply/Demand). Replacing a person is just one touch screen click away and it is getting worse with the new generations. We shouldn't blame everything on disorders but the roots of what the disorders are caused by.

For those who try to stay faithful to one partner even with BPD or whatever I strongly recommend getting to know your own feelings by feeling them actually and not analyzing them with your brain and logic system. Emotions don't work that way dear readers. I sound abit arrogant by posting this, but I'd like to share my view on this topic as well maybe it can help some of you out there.

Thanks again for the insight!

Breaking Good wrote:Replacing a person is just one touch screen click away and it is getting worse with the new generations.

This seems more like a narc view to me. If not, then the person was not very interested in the first place to see the person as so replaceable.

Mary24 wrote:

Breaking Good wrote:Replacing a person is just one touch screen click away and it is getting worse with the new generations.

This seems more like a narc view to me. If not, then the person was not very interested in the first place to see the person as so replaceable.

Good point, nobody is special, everyone is equal and especially not irreplaceable. If people weren't replaceable then mankind would be dead already I guess. But back from biology into something else.
What if we talk about a normal couple, not narcissistic or anything, even though on some degree we all have some cluster B in us. What if this couple was interested in the first years and then devalued each other? Those are theories but eventually then even if they truly love and care for each other, the temptation of the forbidden fruit of having an affaire is still there.

As far as I can talk about myself, which I didn't want to but well, I dump a person if that person doesn't have an exclusive relationship with me and is not family oriented in a monogamous lifestyle.
Still it has not much concern for my study, again thanks alot for the different kind of view on this topic.

Breaking Good wrote:nobody is special, everyone is equal and especially not irreplaceable.

I never said the opposite of that. (You worded that very strangely, btw.)

Of course, there are other humans and people can fill the role. I mean, I feel that is too obvious to even point out. I feel the nuance in my response was lost.

People with BPD can cheat because they need validation, have poor object consistency when their partner isn't communicating, to have backups (fear of abandonment), because their needs aren't being met, etc.

Your fear is of abandonment and you are using this as an excuse to "do x before they do it to me", and it's sabotaging your relationships. Why don't you try an open relationship? That could help ease trust issues. (Sorry, I know you didn't ask for advice)

It depends on what they did. If they have been everything and trust worthy, then it's me. I tend to trust until they seriously break trust, which happens to me ALL of the time. I mean like a betrayal (cheating first). If it wasn't for that, I could totally deal with my own paranoia. And that's what it usually would be, paranoia. In the end, lack of trust can come from either within yourself or because the person you're with truly isn't trustworthy.

Torleelaa wrote:People with BPD can cheat because they need validation, have poor object consistency when their partner isn't communicating, to have backups (fear of abandonment), because their needs aren't being met, etc.

Your fear is of abandonment and you are using this as an excuse to "do x before they do it to me", and it's sabotaging your relationships. Why don't you try an open relationship? That could help ease trust issues. (Sorry, I know you didn't ask for advice)

It depends on what they did. If they have been everything and trust worthy, then it's me. I tend to trust until they seriously break trust, which happens to me ALL of the time. I mean like a betrayal (cheating first). If it wasn't for that, I could totally deal with my own paranoia. And that's what it usually would be, paranoia. In the end, lack of trust can come from either within yourself or because the person you're with truly isn't trustworthy.

Thanks for the input!

Your points are scientificly correct of course. I am very much open for advice, it's only that trust has to be earned so does respect (self respect and towards others). It's the choice of partners we make that determine our ability to trust them. It's not about me in this topic, but about many people I know that do the leaving before being left thing. I do more the "I told you what was priority for me and you seem not to have the same view on it" and then there is the "I am sorry, I am not ready yet." from ex partners.

Life is too short to wait for people to settle down if you know what I mean. Possibly people these days have issues with settling down away from the drama and all the shining glory of adrenaline and dopamine highs. Seems like a big addiction this century developed -> consume consume consume.

Without going too deep into politics, if you ask me, I rather have no relationship than an open relationship. Not because I can't but the partners I knew couldn't do it and had double morals concerning that. They wanted me to be exclusive for them but they should be allowed to play other males and sleep with them. So no ... open relationships don't work for me. Attraction is all about looks so we were both attracting males/females in that scenario, only she was overly jealous and demanded me to stop while she kept seeing others. That was one of 3 girls (20 years +) who I tried an open relationship with and I didn't like it. Better having a real relationship and possibly a stable one with kids etc. of our own in the future.

Sorry for off - topic.