When people copy you/envy you...

I've always had major issues with this even since I was a little girl.
With everything good I actually do, people copy me. And, when people copy me, I WANT TO KILL THEM.
I am filled with intense anger and disgust and feel almost like I've been violated. And it also feels like they're trying to steal my identity.

I have another problem too which is linked. Jealousy. People are always jealous of me. And always have been. Ever since I was a kid. I was beaten up every playtime by jealous girls when I was a little girl. I know that this is a symptom of narcissism, feeling as though everyone is jealous of you.
But it's not narcissism, literally everyone DOES get jealous of me!!!

They try to devalue my achievements. They try to take away from my talents and abilities. I can not stand it.

Honestly, it's been such a problem through my life it's made me belittle myself and devalue myself in front of others so they won't feel threatened or jealous of me.

And the copying thing. It's usually those same jealous people that copy everything I do!! Lately I'm going through a very creative phase. So the jealousy and the copying is happening literally daily.
I have been making video art, so now 2 of my 'friends' have also decided to start making video art, trying to replicate my exact style, content, everything.
And I just feel sickened by it. When I make these I'm not just filming pretty stuff, it's something personal to me that I'm trying to express, everything has a story and all the content has a meaning to me. Yesterday I went out with a friend and I was filming and he was literally filming at the same time just because I was. And even copying the same shots I did.

It's just like, I can have absolutely nothing of my own. Everyone's got to try and steal my ideas. Like 'oh she can't do that and make cool stuff, I deserve the attention, I'M going to do it.'
Maybe I sound like a pathetic baby?Obviously I appreciate that really, this isn't that big of an issue. But it really makes me want to cry.
If it makes me a pathetic baby then I guess I am.

It's like any time I find some identity people have to ######6 steal it.
It makes me wanna punch them.
I recently started painting. Now my friends decided they wanna start painting. I started writing my own songs again on piano and learning guitar. Now my friend has bought a ######6 guitar and tried to write some songs.

Now I know like obviously, if you think something is cool or pretty you do copy. I do it too! Like youtubers for example, if I see a cool hat or whatever they're wearing I'll go get one the same. We all do it. But it's because I think they're cool and I admire them.
Not because I'm jealous and trying to compete with them. And when people do this with me it's exactly that. It's out of jealousy and competitiveness.

It makes me want to stop doing whatever they copied. For example, It made me want to stop making videos. Because I felt like that was such a personal thing. And now both my friends are doing it I feel like it's not special anymore. I decided I'm just going to anyway though. And I decided to cut off these friends as they don't mean good for me.

I know this has been long. (I hate the fact I can never say what I want to say in a short, to the point way.) But does anyone else feel me? Do you get what I am talking about? That feeling when someone copies you or what you feel is your individual style and you feel literally like you've been violated?
And the jealousy? Will I ever make friends that don't do this?

I have to say as well quickly. I'm not officially diagnosed BPD. I have been told I've got a 'disorder of emotional dysregulation' ... I've only had a little therapy it's been put on hold for various reasons. DBT has been mentioned too, but again not been seen long enough to actually get to do it. I completely relate to BPD. I meet almost every criteria. Hence why I'm posting this here. I do think I have it. Except for the days when I just think I'm faking it.

Would love to hear your thoughts/experiences. And any advice!

I have no problem if someone copies what I do. On the contrary, it inflates my self esteem and makes me think that I'm not useless after all. Problems come when they're having more succes than me at the things they copied from me. That kind of pisses me off.

i understand the part where you devalue yourself and belittle yourself. i have often done that cause i didnt want the attention. i was sort of guilty of being good at something.

for me i think its a bit narc.

i try to think of it as this way: if someone takes a medicine that works for them n if i find out of it then even i'm allowed to take that pill.

Trigger Warning:

if you dont want your friends to copy you, then dont update them about your activities

I relate to what you said, for some reason this part sticks out to me the most: "It's just like, I can have absolutely nothing of my own. Everyone's got to try and steal my ideas."

That happened to me really recently at work. I formed a good relationship with someone, and a guy actually told me "you're so close to that woman, I'm kind of jealous to be honest." I built a rapport with her because I'm a young guy, and I have sort of a childish innocence about me...I can balance fun with responsibility really well. Anyway this guy has started copying the way I act around her. And she's receptive to it. And I'm pissed because those qualities made me special. It was something I had to offer that no one else does. It was a part of my identity that I actually valued and cared about which is so rare for me. and then someone decides he wants to start acting like me, it seems so inauthentic and it just makes me feel like I have nothing to give now.

It happened to me in school too. I did quite well in school and when I had an original idea other people would take it and run with it and end up getting the credit. And it sucked because all I wanted was to have something that made me a valuable member of the group and it seemed like people just took it and I became invisible. Having such an unstable identity...it's like every time I find something I love and value in myself people take it away from me and I'm left feeling emptier than I did before I found that thing. Rationally I know I should be flattered because something I did stood out enough that someone thought it was worth emulating...like they thought it was better than what they were doing so they used my idea...but yeah there is this part of me that needs to feel special. not better than anyone else, just something that makes me "me."

I relate to this sooooooooo much!!!!!

star dust wrote:I completely relate to BPD. I meet almost every criteria. Hence why I'm posting this here. I do think I have it. Except for the days when I just think I'm faking it.

If you think you're just faking it then you definitely have it.

Now I think I'm going to start a thread that copies your thread.

I quite relate, on both sides.... I copy people I admire but I hate when people copy me (except when they tell me they do something because of me)

perejil wrote:If you think you're just faking it then you definitely have it.

How to be sure? Tbh in my case it goes to the point that I sometimes wonder if I have schizophrenia or something like that, which could make me believe that I have BPD when in fact I don't.

perejil wrote:Now I think I'm going to start a thread that copies your thread.

(The thread is 3 years old though)

Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's bpds that copy and mimic due to lack of their own identity. You're projecting both jealousy and copying. It's a trigger precisely because you do it, or else you'd stay blind to it. Reading this will trigger you at first, but try to emotionally distance yourself and unbiasely perceive what has been going on. The only way to make progress. Everyone around you stealing your ideas is just..unlikely.
Also, if your friends truly did start making videos after seeing you do it, shouldn't you be happy about it and not furious? Isn't the point of creating art to inspire others? Nobody can steal your talent and point of view, relax.

perejil wrote:
Now I think I'm going to start a thread that copies your thread.

When my aunt used to copy others i thought she was ridiculous and annoying. When i saw others copy others i thought it was pathetic. When a guy i liked copy others i thought he was an idiot with no idivituality,when he copied me i got flattered too much and wanted him more.i wanted to be exactly the same as him and suddenly liked it. And i wanted to be like him.I wanted generally to be a couple that is the same.MY Double standards. LOL.then i got triggered what if he doesn't want to "copy" me anymore and we are not the same, he doesn't want me and freaked out completely and wanted to leave him and hate him. BUt yeah bpd are those who copy others is well known lol

Serious answer.

If everyone is really copying you, then I think what you're calling 'copying' can't be that unusual. So no, I don't think it will ever stop. People copy other people, that's sort of human. That's how trends start, how pop culture happens in the first place. It's why Facebook and Twitter are so popular.

There's a line from The Devil Wears Prada where Miranda Priestly basically tells off this girl, saying (essentially): what, you think you're deciding for yourself what to wear? Oh, no. You only think you're making a choice. In fact, what you wore today was really a choice made for you by the people in this room.

The fact that you want to play the guitar and not the ukelele is likely due, at least in part, to copying. The fact that you're (presumably) wearing shoes and not walking around barefoot is due to copying. We think other people's ideas are cool and then they become our own ideas. (Or enough people start doing a thing and we're afraid of looking foolish/odd for not doing it.) And unless you took out a patent... and no one can take out a patent on guitar playing or video making, no one owns the rights to those ideas... then you're kind of stuck with people copying you. Though it's natural that you would be a bit affronted and want to preserve your own identity.

But since it's not going to stop, I would try to find a way of sort of dealing, if you can. One way might be to look at this from a different angle. What if, instead of getting offended, you tried to feel flattered when others copy you? After all, if they're copying you it must mean they think you have good taste, that you're worthy of copying. Then, instead of stealing from you, they're indirectly praising you. Also, keep in mind that people will copy less from their peer group as they get older. (You do sound like you're in an age group where conformism and trendiness are more important). If so, it may help you to know that there's less of that kind of copying over time.

Good luck.