Well it's my birthday

Every year my birthday comes and goes. I always get excited but then depressed and disappointed. This morning I figured since me and my husband are both home he would wake up with the kids and let me sleep in for once. He sleeps until he feels like getting up paid lets me do the same usually once every couple weeks. I made sure his lunch was made last night, back pack ready to go, jacket and mitts etc. and the door all ready. But nope. Same thing a Mother's Day, for some reason I though I would get to be the one to sleep in at least but nope. For fathers day he slept on (of course) and I made him a huge breakfast, made the day about him. He has decided to make me dinner tonight instead of taking me for sushi where I wanted to go and is planning on making ahi (which I hate but is his favourite and he knows it) for dinner. I will be shocked if he gets me a gift aswell as if he does it's usually some last minute flowers and a small cake. We've been together for 8 years and I'm very aware im not easy to get along with. Am I just being to BPD? Or are my feelings of being unappreciated and extremely disappointed valid. I'm turning 30 and he has already made it clear I'm just having a family celebration which is fine but I get the feeling today is just going to be another day.

First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Second, yes, you are bpd'ing heavily! I used to feel like you. Everything you write. I wanted the same things, for my boyfriend to make me feel special, do those sweet little gestures, buy me something that really showed me how much he loved me and knows me. But you know what I found out? It's a woman thing as well as a bpd thing. We're extra attentive to other's birthdays etc because we know how much those events mean to us. What we secretly wish someone would do for us to prove their love. So we make big breakfasts in bed on our so's birthdays. It's not a bad thing, but please don't think that he doesn't love you, care for you or appreciate you because he doesn't do these things. He had kids with you! He married you! I'd kill to be in your shoes! Actually having a family to wake up to. A man who stood by you even though the bpd behavior gets so bad sometimes. You are SO LUCKY! Doesn't matter if it's your birthday or not. You have a family! I turned 30 last year, turning 31 in under a month. I'll wake up to nothing 'cause I drove everyone away with my high expectations and self entitlement. I expected people to treat me with special care and demanded that they did. If they didn't I would rage, be disappointed in them and tell them how much they hurt me, making them feel nothing was ever good enough. But you know what? Waking up with a warm body next to you every morning is the biggest blessing of all! And the kids! I envy you so terribly and hope the things I say makes sense to you. Doesn't matter if he lets you sleep in, doesn't matter what your birthday meal is, doesn't matter what present you get. He's there! You're married! He's committed to you and had kids with you. You're so so lucky! I hope you'll have an amazing birthday! You deserve the world, and in my eyes you already have everything there is to wish for!

Ok so I will admit I am bpding. Believe me my life isn't perfect. I wasn't diagnosed with BPD until a couple months ago. i feel like I could've continued on without the diagnosis. We got pregnant early on in our relationship and he tells me all the time I ruined his life (our wedding night for example). He threatens divorce on the daily. Now that I've been diagnosed he uses my BPD to throw in my face. Yes he married me and he didn't help plan a single thing. I went back to work to pay for the things I wanted. He didn't even care to help pick out the cake let alone the tuxs. I know I go over and above to make him feel special but am I asking too much for even a card? I find myself comparing us to my gfs relationships. They are so lucky to get woken up with a gift, flowers sent to them, or a weekend away somewhere. Is it because they ARENT BPD? I don't need material things to make me feel good on my bday. I just feel like I should get 1/365 to feel like I mean something to him. My friends wanted to throw me a party and he shut it down. This can't just be all my BPD can it?

Well, I'm borderline myself so I don't know how men are with non-bpd women, but my impression is that they are totally different with them than with us. I think we take so much energy out of them that they don't have enough left to do special things. I know for me, all the men I've ever been with have been completely drained by me. I only just got my diagnosis a month ago, but looking back I can see how much of a pain I've been. I made my boyfriend feel that nothing he ever did was good enough to the point where he stopped trying. Why make an effort when what you do is never good enough anyway? He did many special things for me in the beginning but it was never enough.

Same happened with my ex. I remember saying the same thing you are, that it would be nice with at least a card. But at this point I'd driven him to exhaustion and remembering, even caring enough to get a card was hard for him. He was barely hanging on. I was so difficult to be with. A minefield. One minute nice and sweet, the next blowing up in his face. Always demanding, always wanting more.

Why did he say you ruined your wedding night? What happened?

I've ruined so many special moments myself. I always go crazy if things aren't perfect the way I imagine them in my mind. Now I'm trying very hard to not have any expectations, not to be demanding, not to feel entitled. It's hard but it's possible.

I really do hope you get a card. At least know you're not alone and a lot of women with bpd are feeling or have felt exactly like you are. I can imagine the sadness cause I only know it too well. But if I could go back in time I'd still change everything about how I've interpreted things and how I've reacted. I hope you get celebrated by your family, but if nothing happens go get yourself something that'll make you happy.

On our wedding night he was drunk. I booked our a king suite at the closest hotel, had my MC check us in and put out over night bags in there along with some champagne (t was impossible the day of for me to do this and he was a life saver). Got back to our room, he was wasted. Had been drinking JD from the bottle with his friends by the end of the night. Got in the hot tub, reached for his glass of bubbly, knocked it over, broke it. Got out of the hot tub, flopped on the bed wet and naked and said "you ruined my life" and passed out. Until the actual planning of the wedding I had very little signs of BPD. Just thought I was over sensitive and assumed everyone had insecurities. I though got I kinda just sucked at life a little more than everyone else. I keep our house spotless, we have 2 happy kids, I was a caring wife always put my husband first. When I was younger I always kept a job had a long time bf before I met my husband (he was an alcoholic who cheated lots so I eventually kicked him out). I sometimes wonder if my husband makes my BPD worse. His parents ace remained married even though they arent even friends. My husband has called me every name under the sun and is verbally abusive and that's a fact. Once he woke up this morning I went back to bed. He said I shouldn't expect to get to sleep in just because it's my birthday. I replied said I thought it was just a simple thing that would make me feel appreciated. He called me a ######6 skank and that I'm lucky he's even here. The past year has been really hard. Planning a wedding by myself to someone I'm certain doesnt want to marry me. Then told I ruined his life on our wedding night. Working full time opposites and told what a peice of $#%^ I am etc. or just being ignored when we have time together. Now I've been diagnosed with BPD and its a wonder after I've had almost 8 years of abuse. I was fine a year ago, I never snapped, I never picked a fight, I felt stable and in control. I had normal relationships and was motivated and energetic. Now I don't know who I am, what feelings are normal and if I'm really that difficult of a person. My therapist things I cope pretty well I just hold everything in which is extremely unhealthy. I can't talk to my husband so here I am, venting like a pitiful baby.

To me it does sound like your Bpd'n but your husband also seems to lack the knowledge of the best way to handle your emotions but you can't really expect him too since you only just found out yourself it will take both of you to work together to help solve the issues of BPD. My boyfriend and I found out I have BPD almost a year ago and we still do things to prevent emotional outburts and fights it's a long journey but it's really awesome to have someone along with you as long as they are willing to join you in the healing. Just remember that having BPD it is very difficult to make descions based on how you feel because most of the time we are calling forth an emotion that will be unhelpful to the situation ...here is a great article my therapist just sent me today I found it inspiring and helpful I hope you feel better soon! :hugs: Happy Birthday !!

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/being-bor ... ng-part-1/

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/being-bor ... -part-two/

Awesome thank you