Loved one might have BPD *TW*

Hi, I am consulting this forum as I am worried about a loved one, my brother. I believe he may be suffering from BPD. I will outline his symptoms below.
His mood/emotions are constantly turbulent and highly unstable. He experiences extreme and disabling depression, but also becomes quite happy, content and full of positivity. These changes may occur in hours, or days.
His depression can become so bad that he often self-harms and has even attempted suicide on occasion, which is very worrying for me. He also experiences extreme rage and anger, which sometimes escalates into latent physical violence. He has been involved in physical altercations and assaults in the past with his friends due to his anger, and he often becomes verbally abusive and insulting, though he expresses remorse, regret and shame afterwards, generally becoming apologetic, also. He is very difficult and has caused severe arguments and disruption within the family.

He often worries that he is evil, bad or worthless. His self-esteem isn't even low, it is utterly non-existent. He loathes himself. He can be quite controlling and emotionally manipulative, however I don't believe he is conscious of it, and he does care and love his family and friends.
He is terrified or rejection and abandonment, and this fear causes him to isolate himself from his loved ones. He is so fearful of this abandonment that he has pushed his friends away, one by one, in order to stop this from happening.

When he does sense rejection or abandonment he may become manipulative and horribly upset, alongside feeling suicidal. This has happened a lot with his therapist.
He is impulsive and has used alcohol at times to blot out his suffering.

He also transitions from loving to hating himself, along with loving and despising other people. He often feels extremely close to people and then quite quickly falls out with them. He seems to have no real identity either, feeling he must be kind sometimes and distant another. It is very troubling.

So, I'm just wondering whether it sounds like he's suffering from BPD or not. He's been through an awful lot the past two years and has suffered severely. When he was in a psychiatric ward he was also described as histrionic and paranoid, though he has not been diagnosed with anything due to his age. Sorry for the lengthy post and thanks for reading!

Hi there

Your brother's situation sounds concerning and like he is really struggling with things.

As there are no professionals here, no-one can give you any sort of diagnosis at all. I can relate to much of what you have written there though.

I know you mention your brother has been in hospital, but does he have any support around him right now? Have you thought about seeking out some extra support for yourself?

Take care
Lily

lilyfairy wrote:Hi there

Your brother's situation sounds concerning and like he is really struggling with things.

As there are no professionals here, no-one can give you any sort of diagnosis at all. I can relate to much of what you have written there though.

I know you mention your brother has been in hospital, but does he have any support around him right now? Have you thought about seeking out some extra support for yourself?

Take care
Lily

Hi Lily,

He has support amongst his family mainly as he doesn't really see much of his friends any more unfortunately, though some have reached out themselves and have been supportive of him.

It's difficult because he pushes everybody away I suppose. I suffer from depression myself and have considered seeking help but haven't as of now. Thank you for the reply and kind words.

Bump.

coffeeandcoke100 wrote: I suffer from depression myself and have considered seeking help but haven't as of now.

I think you should start with trying t o heal yourself. It does sound difficult for your brother but hopefully your parents can try to be his primary support so you can concentrate on yourself without his condition being something else for you to stress about.

Once you are in a good place you will be in the best place to be supportive of him.

I'm glad he has some support around him- it does make a difference. The depression periods do really make you want to withdraw. The ups and downs are exhausting.

I think it's important that you take care of yourself too- to be a stable source of support for him you need to take good care of you too. I can understand your concerned about your brother, but it's ok to take care of your needs as well.