The Quiet Borderline

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OE4YuU9pwZU

Can anyone relate to this? I definitely can. I can't get diagnosed, because I don't show my emotions in an overt way, but that doesn't make them any less severe. I relate to all of the symptoms of BPD, but have just kind of accepted that I won't get diagnosed unless I'm persistent in going to several different psychs...like they can't just take my word for it. They need to see me screaming and being manipulative, etc...

LOL yep some crazy $#%^ has to happen for a doctor to say to your face you have a personality disorder.

If you honestly believe you have BPD just try find treatment for yourself rather than trying to get confirmation, if you are smart you can get the books yourself but group therapy is always better.

I wouldnt read too many youtube comments on it for example someone being told the diagnosis is incorrect for not suffering childhood trauma, thats just #######4, you can acquire it purely for genetic reasons.

SBBro wrote:LOL yep some crazy $#%^ has to happen for a doctor to say to your face you have a personality disorder.

If you honestly believe you have BPD just try find treatment for yourself rather than trying to get confirmation, if you are smart you can get the books yourself but group therapy is always better.

I wouldnt read too many youtube comments on it for example someone being told the diagnosis is incorrect for not suffering childhood trauma, thats just #######4, you can acquire it purely for genetic reasons.

Yeah SBBro, I agree. I am doing DBT right now, which I guess is all you can do for BPD. My counselor doesn't think I have it because he doesn't see me as being very manipulative. I can really relate to the whole identity thing though, and I tend to take on the identities of others. This is what I do in the appointments, so it's hard for him to see any other side of me. It is great that there are so many resources out there. I probably wouldn't have gotten diagnosed with BP II if it weren't for the internet. I just went in because I had read about it online, and it sounded exactly like me. No one told me to get diagnosed. Sites like this are really helpful as well.
I'm mainly trying to just be aware of my thoughts and feelings. The (possible) BPD stuff is what's the hardest to recognize, though, because a lot of times it seems perfectly rational, especially with the interactions with others. It's really hard for me to think that maybe I'm perceiving things wrong rather than it being other people's fault. It's really hard to get past the black and white thinking...

What are the symptoms of BPD that you relate with most?

I really like that youtuber.

Borderlines can be introverted. I myself am pretty introverted although I get into very social phases sometimes.

I think the dominant stereotype of Borderlines is that they are very wild, crazy, party girls. Of course this can be true, but I think the stereotype comes mostly from the impulsive behavior. A person doesn't have to be extroverted and loud to be impulsive or to be a BPD.

Nearly all Borderlines, quiet or not, have a lot of anger and aggression. Some Borderlines direct their aggression inward, which I think is what is meant by the Quiet Borderline, while others may go around getting into fights and throwing tantrums in public.

JustHelpful asked a good question, which symptoms do you relate to the most?

I relate to all of them to some degree, and different ones kind of come and go, but the main ones are the mood swings, self-harm, chronic emptiness, and identity issues. But there's none where I'm like, "oh that's not me at all."

What is your relationship history?

Diagnosed "quiet" borderline here. I'm probably lucky: my therapist understands that even if I rarely lash out at others (or in their presence) I still experience all the symptoms of BPD. Not right now, thought, after 2 years of DBT I've made a lot of progress and I'm much more stable

justagirl00 wrote:What is your relationship history?

Pretty much non-existent
I have some friends. Most of my friends kind of come and go...plus I'm pretty sure I have AvPD as well, which I think affects my prospects of any kind of relationships...I mostly just fantasize about having relationships with people.

Right now there's this woman I'm obsessed with. That's really the best word for it. We've been writing back and forth for about 2 months now. I knew her in high school. We both really liked each other (she told me), but I pushed her away. I think it was kind of a fear of intimacy, which I really have. I desperately want to have relationships, bit it's just really hard for me. Now I really hate myself for doing that, and am trying to make up for it. I don't know if this is common for BPD, but with writing to people, I need them to write back right away and show a lot of interest in me, give me constant affirmation, etc. Otherwise, I think they hate me. I've been telling her about some of the stuff I've dealt with, like the self-harm. Part of it is because I feel like I can be open with her, but honestly, part of it is because I want her to feel sorry for me and not leave me. All of this is actually what has been getting me thinking more about BPD...I first found out about it a year ago, and have kind of been reading about it off and on since then. I want to control it, but I just can't.

Thank you for the background info.

I can relate to the social anxiety. I have some social anxiety also.

What was your childhood like? Any abuse, neglect?