I cannot STAND this Christmas (or my bf)

I'm so beyond annoyed that I honestly want this stupid commercialized BS excuse of a holiday to pass already. I just lost my job a little while ago and was doing some post-grad. coursework at my university (which required a pretty substantial amount of time and effort, so needless to say, I was waiting until that was behind me so that I'd be able to focus on finding a new job)...and I haven't had money for jack $*&%. I told my boyfriend not to get me anything for Christimas because I can't reciprocate at the moment (oh, I should mention that I was tossed out of my house by a father who hates me--my family is a complete mess, so in a way, it was a blessing in disguise), and he keeps rubbing in my face that he got me an "expensive gift", and says "I hope you'll love me once you get your gift", and is just being a mabipulative son-of-ab*%^$ narcissist (I believe he's an undiagnosed one--believe me, he doesn't do $*^$ like this for no reason)...and justr this morning was like, "happy Christmas Eve--excited to get free stuff tomorrow?" I'm honestly so sick of his narcissistic $#%^ that I just want to go home at this point and spend Christmas with my dysfunctional, toxic family so that I don't have to be anywhere near him. I'm spending Christmas with his family, and I'm dreading the whole gift-opening part where I KNOWWW he'll want to draw attention to what he bought me and make me look like an ass by embarrassing me for not having anything for him right at the moment (I plan on using the Christmas gift cards that I'll likely get from my parents to buy him a gift...). Someone please help me before I really do something to compromise my stupid relationship. Am I in the wrong here, or is he being the a$$ that I believe he's being?

PS: He just came in and asked me what's wrong, and I told him, and he offered to take me back to my home AND to return my gift. What a piece of $*#@!!! Honestly, I wish his pathetic, lazy @$$ would.

Hi Brianna. I'm sorry you're having a bad time. Hugs.

Don't do anything rash that you might regret later. Your boyfriend might be acting a little annoying. I get that. I get annoyed by that kind of stuff too. He's trying to one up you and that's not really fair. He should have respected your request not to get you anything, but he's using it as an opportunity to one up you, most likely.

I'm sure you're with him for a reason though. There must be some things about him you like? Focus on that. If you do anything rash, you will regret it, I guarantee you.

Its a stressful time now. Especially for you, you recently lost your job and are having problems with your family, it sounds like. Of course you are really stressed, and to add BPD on top of that, it must be really difficult.

Its great though that you have your boyfriend and his family. Even though he might be annoying at times, just take some deep breaths, remind yourself of things about him you like, and just grit your teeth and bare it.

I hope it works out okay.

Hugs.

First of your father:
I understand that many problems come from a broken home. I understand that you must have went through some sort of narcissistic abuse by that in your past. I understand that you feel horrible.
Try to feel from the position of your boyfriend. Try not to look at him as a npd. Try to think of it as a nice gesture. We men dont always give something to get. Sometimes we just want to be hugged in return and that is altruistic and normal. Think of all the poor people that would love to be in your position to receive a gift. This holiday is commericalised you are right, but its not the fault of jesus christ humans are evil and producing stuff to make money out of it. Try to talk with your boyfriend about how you feel. Start with "I feel" and end the conversation by giving the narc some bit of love he probably never really had in his childhood I can relate to that.

My ex girlfriend was really down when I gave her a nice present and I even wanted to take her on the eifel tower during new years eve or let her meet her movie idol lol. Yeah over the top to do this much, but the altruism is big in us "people" pleasers. Sometimes its disgusting.
I can totally understand you in that matter. Sometimes try not to think of your partner as the person from your past, but the person that wants really from the bottom of his heart the good for you.
If he gives you some nice stuff, give him a nice thank you or something. It doesnt have to be finanicially equal. Try to put yourself in his position. He obviously feels how you must feel with your job problem currently. He probably is just trying to learn empathy as a narc. and all of that because of you

Thanks for the responses, guys. Fortunately, things were resolved and I had the opportunity to enjoy the holiday with my boyfriend and his family. He ended up apologizing, and I decided to make him, his grandmother, and his parents hand-made Christmas cards. I'm planning on getting my boyfriend a late Christmas present when I have the financial ability to do so--but by and large, I was pleasantly surprised with regards to how smoothly things went. Regarding my dad, however--I never even received a call from him--perhaps I should've been the one to call, but I don't see how it's solely my responsibility to forge a relationship between us when he fails to demonstratively make any effort whatsoever,

Anyway, thanks again for the input--it's greatly appreciated.

Oh I'm so glad things got better for you Sounds like we had the same Christmas/boyfriend issues! My Christmas Day was very on and off I broke down crying like 3 times then put on my perma smile for his family! I wish i didn't have to celebrate Christmas because honestly it's not even my religious holiday so I'm just pleasing everyone else I don't want gifts at all but no one will respect my request.

You are welcome. To adress issues with parents, you have to communicate really well. Sometimes its like talking to Dolphins, sometimes its really awesome when you can tell them what did bother you without them interrupting your speech. Write the stuff down that bothers you and express it detailed not just impressionistic. How to contact them hmm... try meeting up with the letter in your hands.

Try to give them the letter in person. Let them read it and answer to the points on that letter. After that start a discussion let them express themselves and try to think of yourself as the parent and what you would tell your daughter if you were in their position. There are many ways, I cant tell you whats the best but its a start atleast. Humans tend to get too emotional or embrace a tunnel vision, they need to feel calm and relaxed to feel empathy. Once you calmly advance, you will see positive responses.