I'm pissed off at my therapist with no reason really...

Hi all, I'm hoping to get some advice here..

So I've been seeing my therapist for over 6 months now and she is a great therapist. She encourages me to share my deep feelings and thoughts.

Few months ago, I had a suicide attempt and my T helped me to go through that time. I appreciate her works so much. I must be one of those difficult patient because I don't talk much. I don't know how to talk, how to share my thoughts and feelings.. I feel really guilty about it.

I'm not getting any better after all those therapy sessions. I think my T is disappointed in me and wants me to leave the therapy..

Also, lately, I get annoyed and pissed off at her with no reason really..
She rescheduled our last appointment because of.. I don't know. I was disappointed that I had to wait few more days, but it was understandable. And very last session I went, I didn't feel like I could share my thoughts with her.. I felt like she's a total stranger. I just couldn't share anything.. couldn't even do a small talk. I don't know why.

Just don't know what to do..

Hi there, welcome to the forum

I have hit similar blocks in therapy too.

Sometimes it's my fear that he'll reject me or send me on my way/abandon me. I also tend to dance around big/difficult to discuss issues and I'll end up shutting down rather than being able to communicate things to him. Sometimes it's out of fear or embarrassment or being just plain uncomfortable with what I'm trying to discuss.

Perhaps part of your frustration with her is that things have come to a bit of a stop/slowed right down and you're not seeing progress?

I do a lot of journalling thoughts, which I often end up sharing with my therapist each week- it forms the basis for my sessions because I struggle to communicate things verbally- even just in acknowledging how I am feeling at the time. Maybe this is a place to start for you?

Has something maybe triggered your reluctance to share information with her?

lilyfairy wrote:Sometimes it's my fear that he'll reject me or send me on my way/abandon me. I also tend to dance around big/difficult to discuss issues and I'll end up shutting down rather than being able to communicate things to him. Sometimes it's out of fear or embarrassment or being just plain uncomfortable with what I'm trying to discuss.

Perhaps part of your frustration with her is that things have come to a bit of a stop/slowed right down and you're not seeing progress?

I do a lot of journalling thoughts, which I often end up sharing with my therapist each week- it forms the basis for my sessions because I struggle to communicate things verbally- even just in acknowledging how I am feeling at the time. Maybe this is a place to start for you?

Those are exactly how I feel. My therapist and I have made a lot of progress last few months, I was able to actually talk some of my deep thoughts and feelings. But suddenly I just can't talk to her anymore.. because of fear, embarrassment and what not.. Journalling actually sounds really great. I do keep my journals too but I didn't know how to suggest this idea to my therapist.. I'm embarrassed about sharing the simple idea even.. But, thanks!

i used to get annoyed at my therapist as well. i remember i would project my trust issues on her ie. she would reschedule therapy session, so i would look at that as 'oh, she messing with me .. again'. or one time she was finished with a client and i was next. she said she's going to run downstairs to get a quick coffee. i got annoyed because she's taking away from my session time (it was only 5 mins) i look at that as, 'oh, she's messing with me, she doing this in purpose'... i voiced it out to her though, and we worked at it. she told me she wasn't trying to harm me in any way.. of course, it wasn't that. its just my 'crazy' mind!

rangrang88, that's kinda what happened to me. My T rescheduled our appointment ONCE and I felt like... I'm not really important. I knew she had something came up, but it pissed me off.. As you said, it was just my crazy mind.. but that doesn't help with the thought that she's annoyed with my sh*t. My crazy mind is making me want to quit the therapy still... I don't wanna bother anyone with my stupid problems.

Dinololo wrote:rangrang88, that's kinda what happened to me. My T rescheduled our appointment ONCE and I felt like... I'm not really important. I knew she had something came up, but it pissed me off.. As you said, it was just my crazy mind.. but that doesn't help with the thought that she's annoyed with my sh*t. My crazy mind is making me want to quit the therapy still... I don't wanna bother anyone with my stupid problems.

yeah, i understand what you are saying. the way my therapist explained to me and gave me some reassurance is that these 'rejection' and 'no being wanted' issues, skewed thinking are being triggered. like you said, something came up, its not necessarily your therapist did it in purpose to annoy you, something came up. but from our skewed perspective, we internally see it as.. its something about us, they are doing it to piss us off etc.

the purpose of this 'trigger' is to become aware of our reactions to this and replace the skewed thoughts into something else.. like 'yes, things come up with people in everyday life, it is what it is' .. or 'not everything that happens when it doesn't happen for me, is againts me'. we have to put a stop with these perceptions through awareness when we start to think this way..

the next time around, she rescheduled, it didn't bother me at all.. i just took it for what it is

rangrang88 wrote:yeah, i understand what you are saying. the way my therapist explained to me and gave me some reassurance is that these 'rejection' and 'no being wanted' issues, skewed thinking are being triggered. like you said, something came up, its not necessarily your therapist did it in purpose to annoy you, something came up. but from our skewed perspective, we internally see it as.. its something about us, they are doing it to piss us off etc.

the purpose of this 'trigger' is to become aware of our reactions to this and replace the skewed thoughts into something else.. like 'yes, things come up with people in everyday life, it is what it is' .. or 'not everything that happens when it doesn't happen for me, is againts me'. we have to put a stop with these perceptions through awareness when we start to think this way..

the next time around, she rescheduled, it didn't bother me at all.. i just took it for what it is

Thanks for the reply, rangrang88. The thing is, I realized that it's my imaginary worries since I had another session with my T today. Now I feel sorry for T that she took me as a patient and feel horrible.. I myself am against me and that's what makes me pissed off at the moment. I haven't told my T about this inappropriate anger towards her and I probably never will. The fact that I have this psychological issue doesn't mean that I can just get mad at someone who is just trying to help..

Dinololo wrote:Those are exactly how I feel. My therapist and I have made a lot of progress last few months, I was able to actually talk some of my deep thoughts and feelings. But suddenly I just can't talk to her anymore.. because of fear, embarrassment and what not.. Journalling actually sounds really great. I do keep my journals too but I didn't know how to suggest this idea to my therapist.. I'm embarrassed about sharing the simple idea even.. But, thanks!

The thing is that what I am journalling is just writing thoughts as they come- which is what he needs to know to be able to help me correct things. He used to tell me to stop analysing the crap out of everything and just write what I think- it was a challenge. I can understand it might feel a bit weird sharing what you've written in your journals- what about picking some of the bits out of it that keep coming up and use them as some starting points? You don't have to share your entire journal in the space of a session.