paranoid? *TW*

The other day I went to visit some very close relatives. We were drinking quite a lot of alcohol, as we always do when we get together. I usually drive home but had decided to stay the night because of not wanting to drive drunk.

Then one of the relatives asked me a question that always triggers me to the point I immediately break down in uncontrollable tears and lose all composure. She should know this, as I've said many times its a sensitive issue for me and not something I want to talk about.

She then proceeded to sit down and talk open another bottle of wine and we got even more intoxicated. It got very late, way past midnight, and I wanted to go to bed. So I said goodnight and headed to bed.

She then began acting like I was going to drive home! Asking if I need help loading the car, etc. Mind you, driving home is a long drive along winding mountain roads with many turns and steep drop offs! And I was drunk off of several bottles of wine! Who in their right mind would send anyone driving home in that condition? Way past midnight too! Especially when there was a spare bedroom set up for me.

It doesn't make sense. Even if she was drunk too, even while drunk most people still maintain enough judgment to know better.

After the hangover wore off and I got to thinking about it, it makes me wonder if she is trying to kill me, even if subconsciously? Am I being paranoid?

Hi justagirl

I think I would find that situation confusing too. Hugs. It's hard to tell what she meant by it- whether it was simply a lapse in judgement due being intoxicated, or whether she was thinking something more sinister. Have there been other incidents with her before?

Uh I don't think it's paranoid to be worried about it. That's not right. If you still think it next year without anything else like that happening, possibly. I find others who have been drinking aren't nearly as in control or there as I am.

justagirl00 wrote:
Then one of the relatives asked me a question that always triggers me to the point I immediately break down in uncontrollable tears and lose all composure. She should know this...

I am really concerned mostly about this. Have you thought how you might address this at some future date?

Thank you so much for the replies lilyfairy, greenhorn, and angel.

I'm just mainly looking for a reality check. Sometimes I can have paranoid delusions. I think this is part of BPD and hopefully not related to something else.

lily....yes, there has a been a history of sabatoging behavior. On the entire side of that family, its very Cluster B, lots of envy, jealousy, competition, blatantly trying to sabatoge people, backstabbing, etc. I thought I could trust this relative, but now that I think about it, she has shown sabatoging behavior toward me in the past.

angel....that is a good point. I don't know why she does this. I don't know if she's clueless or if she tries to trigger me on purpose because on some level she likes to see me feel bad. I think she could be a covert narcissist. Also an alcoholic. Its almost like subtle bullying. Thankfully, my other relative tries to stick up for me.

Thanks again for answering. I hope I don't sound too paranoid. Trying to get a reality check I guess.

justagirl00 wrote:angel....that is a good point. I don't know why she does this. I don't know if she's clueless or if she tries to trigger me on purpose because on some level she likes to see me feel bad. I think she could be a covert narcissist. Also an alcoholic. Its almost like subtle bullying. Thankfully, my other relative tries to stick up for me.

I should probably not post on this forum, being ignorant to the reasoning and strong emotions, but are they aware of the trigger? I would lay that down to them bluntly if not. I only slightly relate to some of the symptoms from having been around a male relative, not at risk of (much) harm.

Thank you Greenhorn

And please feel free to post on this forum. Your insight has been helpful

This person should be aware of this trigger, as my other relative is, and tries to avoid it at all costs. I don't know if she just gets drunk and loses her judgment. Its possible? But I know even when I'm drunk, no matter how drunk I am, I still know what I'm doing. I guess I can't assume that's how it is for everyone, but I can't help but wonder..what are the motives?

Next time I see them, if it comes up I will try to say more assertively I don't want to talk about this issue. Its very upsetting to me. If she continues despite that, I might have to take other measures.

Thank you again.