I ripped my hair out tonight

Outside I'm crying from some type of psychical mental pain combination. Images flash that may or may not contribute to making me cry. I see thoughts but can't hear them. I'd think I was blacked out, had it not been for the unstoppable forceful urge to crack open my chest from the inside out to finally set myself free from this cage of a body I'm trapped in.
Dizzy, dazed and numb with no end in sight. I hope I sleep all day tomorrow. <3

Hey Autumn, sorry to hear you've been crying. How are you feeling now?

Thanks pure, I'm in between numb and better I think knowing I have therapy tomorrow is helping. I have a lot on my mind still. It's weird I feel like I failed whenever I go into therapy having to say I pulled out my hair I know she won't think I failed but I like to make her proud of me, which idk why I want that!? Ugh at least I have French fries, nextflix, weed and xanax but dearly missing my depakote.

How are you doing today?

Sounds like a good day at home: French fries, Netflix, weed and Xanax;) Glad to hear you're doing better. And that you've got therapy soon.

Caribee4me wrote:Sounds like a good day at home: French fries, Netflix, weed and Xanax;) Glad to hear you're doing better. And that you've got therapy soon.

Thanks yeah its just what I needed I have 4 days off from work so I'm less stressed about tomorrow too! It's so confusing to start to feel after such a dramatic night though. Oddly sometimes I think I want to hold onto the pain.

ouch.

crystal_richardson_ wrote:ouch.

Surprisingly it doesn't hurt at the time it's the wrong way of self soothing I think.

AutumnLeaves wrote:Thanks pure, I'm in between numb and better I think knowing I have therapy tomorrow is helping. I have a lot on my mind still. It's weird I feel like I failed whenever I go into therapy having to say I pulled out my hair I know she won't think I failed but I like to make her proud of me, which idk why I want that!? Ugh at least I have French fries, nextflix, weed and xanax but dearly missing my depakote.

How are you doing today?

I haven't been doing all that great because i feel quite tired (im sensitive to the weather) but i will be fine

I hope your therapy session goes well. You can't fail ''it''...it is a tool where you learn things. No one is perfect and therapy takes a while to kick in...definitely.