No sense of self?

Is it normal for people to lack a sense of self or is this a symptom of mental illness?

I feel like I have to fake everything, and other people notice. I don't act genuine, as my therapist pointed out, and I think some others have noticed too. But I'm not really hiding anything. I have no idea how to act like myself because I feel like I don't have a sense of self. When I'm alone it feels like I don't exist.

How do I cope with this?

Hello,

This is not per say normal, but then again what is normal? Often I find myself feeling like I don't really know who I am so I understand this. Writing, helps a lot for me. Write out what is in your mind, and how you feel towards certain subjects. This would help you realize who you are, and what you believe in. What are your likes and dislikes? Write these down. Also, what are your goals in your life? Write those too. Talk to your friends and ask them to hang out with you more.

Stay Strong <3

i make myself up
every step i take
every move i make
becomes part of my mask
to hide
ther's nothing underneath
i fool everyone
and they just smile
laugh at my jokes
a clown
a jester
i am
i see the irony
beond the nerative
beond the dreams
the lies you tell yourself
and still believe
that there's annything
underneath
the mask you wear

you're a beautiful soul madjoe, i mean that.

is there a corelation between insight (basicly seing things they way they are and seeing yourself and all of this with out biest)
and the hollow
looks lik it can be a part of insight
if it is don't run from it into deflection hedonism and other destractions

madjoe wrote:i make myself up
every step i take
every move i make
becomes part of my mask
to hide
ther's nothing underneath
i fool everyone
and they just smile
laugh at my jokes
a clown
a jester
i am
i see the irony
beond the nerative
beond the dreams
the lies you tell yourself
and still believe
that there's annything
underneath
the mask you wear

I wish that I could write so well, madjoe...

When I was younger, I used to HATE hearing "just be yourself" or "be true to yourself". I wanted to scream, like what the HELL are you talking about! Now I do know. What that meant was every moment I chose to not to be myself, I was hurting myself. So, back to square one, what is this self? To me the discovery of self comes in little steps. Like when I decided to go vegetarian, I try to really eat vegetarian, despite the fact that sometimes I don't feel like one or don't feel like being one, I forget the thought process that got me there. Most often however, it's outside pressure, bowing to those around me. Wanting to please on such a subconscious level that I would just give myself away before the idea of choice even hits my head. Sometimes this happens about big things and I get so angry seeing the situation in retrospect, I feel manipulated. But usually it's just a person saying what they prefer and I feel like I have to go that way and then all of a sudden I am totally depressed because I have lost my way.

So it has to start with little assertions. Somewhere at age 2 the child goes through the phase sometimes called terrible two's right after that somewhere is when the child learns to say No! So I practice in front of the mirror now saying No! It feels really good. It feels really good to say no to something because that paves the way for a real Yes.

Looking back at my life, I am overwhelmed by how many times I let myself be led astray by other people. I always had a very good sense of myself until something so trivial would just knock me off and then I wouldn't know who I was anymore, like my compass in life would just start spinning and never settle in the same direction. So yeah, that sense of self, is a work in progress.

I identify with this. Abusive childhood survivors almost all do.

Its interesting because there is really a movement with meditation to try for a time to remove ones sense of self, ones ego, and actually be able to truly connect with other people (our sense of self and projections on others can often get in the way).

You could say that the lack of sense of self (something that I have heard quite a few people mention) is actually a state that typically people have to be quite enlightened to reach. And you are able to reach this state naturally and without effort.

I find cluster B folks to be amazingly fun to be around. Especially if they are the kind where they mimic you in so many ways you don't realize you feel like they are your soul mate or an extension of yourself.

Not feeling a solid sense of self does not have to be a bad thing. Its just a smaller percentage of the population sort of thing. I'd actually try to focus on what you can do that other people who are clouded with a sense of self can't do. People with BPD are often considered super perceptive, sometimes stating that they can know what other people are feeling before even they do. Perhaps its the lack of self not getting in the way that makes this possible.

Wow, written like a true non. Not very helpful, Justhelpful. At first I was really getting a little pissed about that comment, like who is this armchair zen master who is absolutely clueless about BPD. But having read it over, I see there is no malicious intent and being misunderstood comes with the territory. So let me enlighten you...

The BPD "No Self" is not the same as the egolessness that is aimed at in Eastern meditation practices. The BPD "No Self" is the opposite of ego and therefore is actually just the reverse of the same coin, it is not the sense of wholeness or authenticity. The ego that those traditions try to get rid of, is the "foreign installation" otherwise called as the "socialized self." Theoretically, the point at which one is ego free, one attains wholeness rather than the destruction of self as the destruction of self means fighting the self and therefore is also a function of the self. Are you with me? So the BPD "No Self" is not really egolessness or freedom from the socialized self but is actually a fractured self, an authenic self that maybe is forever damaged and merged with the socialized self. A self that is so wounded in its formation that it is like a kalleidoscope that when you turn it just ever so, the picture changes and it is never constant. And this shifting of the fractured self is a trap for the BPD as every shift and inability to hold an integral self inflicts yet another wound onto the core of the fractured authentic self of the person.

Everything worthwhile and fulfilling that a person can attain in life comes from the alliance with the authentic self and following its desires and commands. That is the most painful thing about BPD, it robs you of your ability to live an authentic life because the self is fractured and all the signals come out warped and the socialized self teaches it to act as a mirror rather than a projector and therefore makes the BPD constantly shift which further fractures the self. Because the BPD authentic self is fractured it has no shield, a BPD person can be struck to the very core of our existence by something terribly minor when it is applied to just the right crack and forth comes anger and pain that may be coming from somewhere else entirely. What BPD might be is a permanently altered state of consciousness, like a bad trip that you can't come out of. Nothing enlightened about it. If anything, it is a burden.