Writing letters to people who have hurt you?

star dust wrote:

AutumnLeaves wrote:haha there ya go! I've heard Jasmine is very good for you although I've also been told by massage therapists at my job that it is very expensive which is probably why we do not carry it here, I work at a health spa so we have a decent amount of oils here though my favorite at the moment is Ylang Ylang it's very calming

Oh great! Yer, it's like twice the price of all the other oils. I have to say though, it definitely does have a calming effect. Especially with lavender too, I'm using that for sleep and as it stops nightmares apparently. I'm really getting into this aromatherapy stuff lately :p haha will have to try the Ylang Ylang too!

Another cool thing I've gotten into after learning about aromatherapy is flower essence I use Aspen a lot it's for being fearful but not knowing why. If you have time check out Dr. Bach's Flower Essences and the hint of brandy always makes me feel a good tingly feeling inside but in no way gets you drunk, although it is recommended that alcoholics do not use it

Im-pure wrote:Haha, and autumn is right, i remember when i wanted to burn a letter and a glass broke because of the flame! i got so scared

oh no! haha I have actually done something similar before too using a glass for the ash, but it wasn't a letter it was a spell, (I was all into magic and stuff at the time lol), after that I used to always keep a glass of water nearby just in case I accidentally set fire to the house or something lol :p

Last time I was manic I wrote the letters and actually sent them. It was hurtful and damaged my relationship with my mother. I'm not saying she was a saint, but she didn't deserve the letters. Especially because on top of my usual BPD stuff, I was manic, delusional and paranoid. So it was awful. Definitely destroy what you write!

AutumnLeaves wrote:Another cool thing I've gotten into after learning about aromatherapy is flower essence I use Aspen a lot it's for being fearful but not knowing why. If you have time check out Dr. Bach's Flower Essences and the hint of brandy always makes me feel a good tingly feeling inside but in no way gets you drunk, although it is recommended that alcoholics do not use it

Thanks! I definitely experience feeling like that. It sounds great Going to have a look now :p haha

time4change+ wrote:Hi,

Done it and felt awful after especially as i just felt more rejected.

Hope you continue to cope.

Hi time4change,
I'm kind of afraid of feeling like that too as it will bring up all those emotions in me. But going to try for the first time tonight anyway to see how I get on. Sorry to hear it didn't work for you!

Caribee4me wrote:Last time I was manic I wrote the letters and actually sent them. It was hurtful and damaged my relationship with my mother. I'm not saying she was a saint, but she didn't deserve the letters. Especially because on top of my usual BPD stuff, I was manic, delusional and paranoid. So it was awful. Definitely destroy what you write!

Thanks for the advice! I am going to take it. Was very tempted to just go ahead and write them and send them all before so I'm glad I posted this first. I will destroy them. I can see now the real benefit is just writing it all down and getting it out of your head, not sending it on. I must just remember to destroy them as soon as I'm finished so I can never impulsively send them if I get into a state.

Caribee4me wrote:Last time I was manic I wrote the letters and actually sent them. It was hurtful and damaged my relationship with my mother. I'm not saying she was a saint, but she didn't deserve the letters. Especially because on top of my usual BPD stuff, I was manic, delusional and paranoid. So it was awful. Definitely destroy what you write!

Amen to that.

My brain can never seem to figure out whether my mother is the devil or a hero. If I voice (or write) my thoughts to her when she is the "devil" then I feel horrifically guilty and ashamed when she is the hero again. If I let her get emotionally close when she is the hero, I feel insanely threatened and terrified when she is the devil again.

It wasn't until only about a year ago I finally learned to just try to never communicate my thoughts about her, to her, good or bad. Instead I just send emails to myself and then forget them.

Hi CopperMoon,

I can relate, when I am viewing my Mum like that there is just no filter on what comes out my mouth. I say the most awful things, and then feel horrendous guilt afterwards. I know at times what I've said has really hurt her, but at the time I just can't stop myself.

I wrote letters to the people who bullied me (they were meant to be my friends)- and I did actually send them. I had to do something because they just kept contacting me after we left school- telling me all about how wonderful things were for them at uni etc., sending birthday cards, they just wouldn't leave me alone. So I wrote a letter to each of them telling them about how much they had hurt me and that they couldn't repair what they'd done, and not to ever contact me again, and sent it to each of them.

I think it was about the only one of my wishes that they did manage to respect. It did help to get those things out.

If you don't want to give/send the person the letter, you don't have to. Sometimes it's just a good way to get everything out that you really want to say to them. Without anyone interrupting.

Did you ever think that the "bullying" may have all been in your head? The fact that they are nice enough to send you birthday cards and keep in touch with you implies that they liked you. If so, maybe you are more avoidant than borderline.