I flipped out, now I'm confused

I only work 3 days a week which feels like too much most of the time and not exactly recommended by my therapist but I guess I just wanted to pretend like I can live a normal life sometimes. Although, week after week it proves to be extremely difficult.

Today my boyfriend asked me to drop off the rent on my way to work, it’s not like I drive by the way, I take a bus so I had to get off 8 stops before my job only to find out I got off at the wrong stop and could not locate the rental office as my boyfriend usually goes and pays the rent so I called him but he didn’t know the exact address.

So now it’s pouring rain I’m in the middle of the hectic city street screaming that I don’t effin know where the place is and I’m going to be late for work and my glasses have rain all over them so what do I do? Run across the street in front of moving traffic proceed to get honked at several times wishing one of the cars would just effin hit me and kill me but of course I’m never that lucky so I continue to yell at my boyfriend the whole 8 blocks to work, everyone staring at me cuz I’m an a**hole.

I’m glad I have therapy tomorrow but I feel horrible for yelling at him he feels horrible for putting me in a stressful situation. And I’m left feeling as if maybe it’s just not good for me to date people I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend anymore but he does quite often put me in a position that is too much for me. I don’t know if he can ever understand that I will never be like him or the “norms” that pack a million things into their day I’m just not made for this fast paced city life. I want him but I also want to be home in the suburbs where people don’t expect you to be constantly in motion and getting things done. I have to live my life my way or I honestly just can't handle it at all.

Ugh what a day and it’s only 11 AM.

hahahaha, you sound exactly like me and how I would think in this type of situation, and to me getting lost happens all the time, and my reaction would be the same. I do not have BPD, btw, I have AvPD.

HopelessRomantic wrote:hahahaha, you sound exactly like me and how I would think in this type of situation, and to me getting lost happens all the time, and my reaction would be the same. I do not have BPD, btw, I have AvPD.

Yeah I actually have a good amount of AvPD traits I can totally see how you would react like me haha sometimes I wonder like what these people think is going on I just seem like some angry crazy lady and it's so much more than that! I hate getting lost I swear as soon as I'm lost it's as if I'm in another country everything gets all spinny and I can't get my bearings again. Luckily though I was on the street I work on so it's a straight run but man I have no idea where that rental office is nor will I ever do that again!

AutumnLeaves wrote:

HopelessRomantic wrote:hahahaha, you sound exactly like me and how I would think in this type of situation, and to me getting lost happens all the time, and my reaction would be the same. I do not have BPD, btw, I have AvPD.

Yeah I actually have a good amount of AvPD traits I can totally see how you would react like me haha sometimes I wonder like what these people think is going on I just seem like some angry crazy lady and it's so much more than that! I hate getting lost I swear as soon as I'm lost it's as if I'm in another country everything gets all spinny and I can't get my bearings again. Luckily though I was on the street I work on so it's a straight run but man I have no idea where that rental office is nor will I ever do that again!

Can't you just pay your rent online? Don't they have this option? It's XXI century.

I do lots of online shopping, exactly for that reason, I tend to get lost very easily, and I hate asking people for help, because they will see my social anxiety, etc. So thank God for the Internet! You can solve so many problems online.

I think the problem arose from not being able to say NO when you should have ?
I think even a 'normal' person wouldnt have tried to squeeze that tedious chore into a morning before work esp if their transport is by bus
lodging rent money via internet banking is stress free!

HopelessRomantic wrote:

AutumnLeaves wrote:

HopelessRomantic wrote:hahahaha, you sound exactly like me and how I would think in this type of situation, and to me getting lost happens all the time, and my reaction would be the same. I do not have BPD, btw, I have AvPD.

Yeah I actually have a good amount of AvPD traits I can totally see how you would react like me haha sometimes I wonder like what these people think is going on I just seem like some angry crazy lady and it's so much more than that! I hate getting lost I swear as soon as I'm lost it's as if I'm in another country everything gets all spinny and I can't get my bearings again. Luckily though I was on the street I work on so it's a straight run but man I have no idea where that rental office is nor will I ever do that again!

Can't you just pay your rent online? Don't they have this option? It's XXI century.

I do lots of online shopping, exactly for that reason, I tend to get lost very easily, and I hate asking people for help, because they will see my social anxiety, etc. So thank God for the Internet! You can solve so many problems online.

Nope! They don't take cash and they don't take online payments which honestly wasn't a problem until today because my boyfriend usually gets my money order and goes down there to pay it. I am totally the same though when it comes to shopping amazon is my basically my mall haha

-- Thu Nov 06, 2014 2:35 pm --

Lucinda wrote:I think the problem arose from not being able to say NO when you should have ?
I think even a 'normal' person wouldnt have tried to squeeze that tedious chore into a morning before work esp if their transport is by bus
lodging rent money via internet banking is stress free!

Yep you hit the nail on the head I totally should have just said no! And honestly my boyfriend probably wouldn't have been that mad and especially would of rather me said no than to flip out and totally lose it. And maybe a normal person wouldn't of but my boyfriend is like an extreme multi-takser so to him it's totally feasible to pay rent on your way to work! Unfortunately this place does not provide online service so we're going to pay a late fee and I can bet my boyfriend will never forget to pay the rent on time again!

Wow, that sounds really stressful. I think I would have flipped out too. I'm not good with navigation in unfamiliar places and am easily lost. Well done on making it through all that- I hope the day improved for you after 11am.

Saying no can be hard- I can see you wanted to help out, but it's ok to take care of your needs and knowing your limitations is important.

lilyfairy wrote:Wow, that sounds really stressful. I think I would have flipped out too. I'm not good with navigation in unfamiliar places and am easily lost. Well done on making it through all that- I hope the day improved for you after 11am.

Saying no can be hard- I can see you wanted to help out, but it's ok to take care of your needs and knowing your limitations is important.

Thanks! My day did actually get better because 90% of the appointments at my job had to be cancelled so I sat in peace and quiet for 5 hours! Yay I talked to my boyfriend and told him I just can't do anything before work because it really stresses me out and he was totally cool with that. We actually had this convo a while ago but he forgot how stressed I am heading into work and this was the first time he ever had to ask me to do something like that and most certainly the last

So glad the day improved for you- peace and quiet sounds like it would have been very welcome. And that your boyfriend is understanding that the pressure was too much for you- sounds like he is a great guy to have on your side.

lilyfairy wrote:So glad the day improved for you- peace and quiet sounds like it would have been very welcome. And that your boyfriend is understanding that the pressure was too much for you- sounds like he is a great guy to have on your side.

Oh my gosh he is like an angel it's like he swoops in and makes everything easier and better I just have to say what I need, which is funny because it actually scares the crap out of me how attached I am to him! I always tell him I'm obsessed with him and he tells me he's obsessed with me too but I think I'm over board obsessed he likes it though we're both Capricorns and our tarot birth card is the devil which is about clinging and obsession so it's almost natural for us to be this way. We're a couple that's constantly holding hands even when we sleep.