My stepsister is obsessed with her (ex) husband

My stepsister filed for divorce from her husband over a year ago but she is clearly obsessed with him.

Every family gathering she talks about him nonstop. Obsessing and analyzing over every detail of their interaction. Its highly inappropriate for our family meetings. We should be happy, lighthearted, but she starts in on the man she filed from divorce from, starts crying, and can't stop obsessing and talking about him for hours.

I'm sure its hard to go through a divorce. I've never been married and therefore am happy to have never had to endure this sort of thing. But is it normal to be so obsessed?

She claims he's a diagnosed NPD. Its possible, as he's very successful professionally and financially. Their house was worth $1,500,000. She said she has spent a total almost $100,000 on attorneys so far. I want to be compassioniate. I am. But I also can't help but think, if I was married to a man making 6 figures a year, living in over a million dollar house, I would have made it work!

Am I just cold blooded?

Is it possible she's borderline? Why be so obsessed with an ex-husband she she filed?

FYI he got another woman pregnant less than a month after she filed for divorce. Pretty cold hearted I guess. Maybe he is NPD, just basing on that.

i dont think your cold blooded. speaking as someone who has whined and whined and whine and being at the other end where i listened to my caretaker whine and whine and whine about her past, i've realized that it can be tiring.

i've been obsessed with folks, (idealization).

whether you're cold blooded or not, i've realized that 'be loyal to yourself.' i dont care about every human being. i dont have to. if i feel empathy towards someone, i'll speak and offer a hand but not for everyone.

regarding if you were married to a man who were so rich, you'd make it work...it all depends...you dont know about him...why did katie holmes divorce tom cruise. there can be dozens of reasons

money, while very important, isnt everything, at least not for me.

Thank you jaus

Really good answer. Everything you said makes sense.

Maybe its not cold blooded but maybe I could be more empathetic. Must be hell what she's going through. I was in a really bad mood that night I posted this. One of those nights I wish I could take back. Did/said a few things I regret now.

I guess we are not perfect though. We can't be understanding and empathetic towards all people at all times. We aren't saints. Only humans. Sometimes when I'm aware I have been less than perfect, I split myself black and think I must be evil. Truth is I'm not a saint and I'm not evil. Everyone is less than perfect at times. We all have our weak spots. I'm probably jealous of my stepsister in ways because at least she has been married, had children, etc.

Certain people in my life makes me feel inadequate since I haven't done that. Like there's something wrong with me. Well I guess there is something wrong with me... But truth is I would rather be single forever than go through that hell of a divorce that my stepsister is. I guess I have to stop letting what other people think of me affect me so much.

Thank you again for answering jaus.

How are you doing by the way?

i've realized that i dont have to feel guilty for not being superman. i dont want to heal the world. i want to look after myself and be loyal towards myself.

if i dont feel like indulging in charity or a social event then i politely refuse or give some excuse.

there are people with apparently better lives, just as there are folks who claim to have worse lives. comparing myself with my past helps me. some people live better lives and its ok. just cause i've gone through bad stuff and i'm miserable, doesnt mean others should go through ill times. i actually used to wish ill luck for my friends at one time. now i try to be as indifferent as possible.

if you think you wont get married then its ok. even i think i'll have a tough time finding love and its ok.

i'm doing fine...trying to recover...