When did you first get diagnosed BPD? Daughter!

Hi,

I am 43 and have BPD and Histrionic Disorders. My real question is what sort of age do you recall being different?
My daughter is 14 and has been cutting (small), taken two overdoses whilst she was living with her mother. They do not get along at all.
So in June this year she moved in with me 100 miles away. She has a new school, nice friends and appears to be doing well. No cutting or OD's.
Yet today at school she had what she calls an episode. She says she has no idea why. However she went to the train station to jump in front of a train. Suicidal ideation is her only explanation, she just wanted to die for all the bad things she has (in her mind) done.
She explained to a friend at school she was down but they failed to meet up after school.Fortunately whilst at the station a friend sent her a text and managed to get her out of the station and into town, where I was searching for her. I took her straight to the Doctors and they are arranging help. The problem is she will not talk to anyone, except little bits to me.

I have been told by the doctor I must drop her off and pick her up from school and be with her at all times, which isn't a problem.

I pray she does not have BPD, that is why my question is of onset age. I can't pin an exact date on mine but it was maybe a little earlier I knew something was diferent.

Any advice would be welcome as it breaks my heart when she is like this.

Thanks

Martin

Hi Martin,

Sorry that everything is so difficult right now. You must be very worried for your daughter.

I didn't get diagnosed until relatively late (29). I'm a pretty closed off person who has always functioned well on the outside, so it wouldn't have been as apparent to those around me any earlier. I can recognise now though that I did feel a bit different even as a teenager. The emptiness, emotional reactivity, interpersonal problems and anger was already there by around 15.

With all personality disorders though, they tend to never diagnose them in people under 18. In part because then it is more suggestive of a long standing pattern and I suppose because your personality traits are still developing prior to that. Sometimes it seems a bit arbitrary as there must be under 18's where enough of the signs are there?

All you can really do is seek as much help as you can for your daughter. I'm sure it is very hard getting teenagers to open up to Dr's etc, but maybe there are some adolescent programs that might help? It sounds pretty urgent though. Whether they think BPD or not, something is not right and seeing a psychiatrist and/or psychologist who specialises in treating adolescents would be very helpful. If there are issues like self-harm etc, even though you can't diagnose BPD in a 14 year old, the do run DBT programs catering to adolescents that help with tolerating the extreme emotions that perhaps more sensitive teenagers experience. It might help in developing some healthy coping methods early on.

Hope that helps.

I got diagnosed at 18. In a way my pdoc and my T knew I had it before then (I had been seeing them since 16), but they refuse to diagnose any personality disorders before 18 where I am.
I had always been extremely sensitive, emotionally unstable, and bad with relationships, but over time things got worse and by the time I was 16 my parents had no clue what to do (this was when my psychosis started too) so they took me to therapy.
So chances are she won't get diagnosed with any PD, but diagnosis is only a label. She can still get help via DBT and meds now.

Thanks for the replies,they have helped me at least. Espescially planning for these episodes.

My daughter and I had a long talk last night about her coping mechanisms.
I have suggested she text me even in the middle of a class. If the teacher sees her texting they will send her to the monitor who has a seperate room and I'm hoping she can talk to her.
I am also arranging an appointment with her head of college, to inform her of any erractic behaviour etc that she could keep a confidential eye out for.

The Docs are referring her to CAM mental health team here, as quickly as possible.

I have hidden all medicines, sharps etc. Does anyone think that removing hanging materials is going a bit extreme. Only 2 weeks ago a girl her age did this. I check on her throughout the night, to make sure she is OK.

Just spoke to her head of year and am meeting her 9am.

I guess this is all I can do for now?

Thanks again.

Hello, i'm sorry to hear about your daughter and her problems right now.

Personality disorders usually develop in childhood to early adolescence, they can also be genetic.
I am an eighteen year old female who self diagnosed at fifteen, had about three or four other people diagnose me who were not professionals, my family entirely ignored the idea of me having a personality disorder and just said i was depressed and still aren't comfortable with the idea today.
I'd had about 5 psychologists by the time i was sixteen and they wouldn't diagnose me either due to the age restrictions and frankly because they didn't want too and my personality still developing. My advice would be just support your daughter no matter what, if you're worried then have an assessment from a mental health professional and express your concern about her. I hope all goes well.