I relate a lot to what you're saying. Sounds a lot like me in many ways. Sorry that I don't have any advice though. I deal with the same crap.
edit: a shame you deleted it.

I thought it was a very good post. I'm sorry if you feel triggered by the whole thing. I know what that's like.
I wish I could say something that would be helpful.

But if it helps any, I definitely relate to what you were saying. I just don't have any answers cause I struggle with this crap too.