making peace with someone I hated

I think I'm in the middle of a devaluation/idealization shift. I used to hate this girl who hurt me and abandoned me 3 years ago, but now...now I decided to talk to her again, make peace with her and we're going out together next week. It all happened in 2 days, but I've been thinking of her for all these years and cried for her and went from moments of love and moments of strong hate.
But now it's like I forgot about the past and how much she hurt me, so I'm seeing all white and all perfect. Everything is nice, she's nice and lovely and I love her. Not too much time ago I wish I could just beat the hell out of her.

Wtf is going on in my head? Is it a manifestation of my BPD? Why do I love her again now?
That's a little bit confusing....it all happened very fast. But I'm glad we made peace.

ElKahn wrote: Why do I love her again now?

Maybe you loved her all along and were suppressing it to avoid the pain of her rejection?

Fishing-mad wrote:

ElKahn wrote: Why do I love her again now?

Maybe you loved her all along and were suppressing it to avoid the pain of her rejection?

Yeah, that's probably the case....but I wasn't afraid of a rejection, I was afraid of my own feelings....

How the hell isn't your DID an official diagnosis?

ElKahn wrote: ...but I wasn't afraid of a rejection...

That's interesting. Can you elaborate? I thought fear of rejection was at the core of BPD?

No fear of rejection is AvPD.

BPD is fear of abandonment. Eg getting plastic surgery after a break up.

SBBro wrote:No fear of rejection is AvPD. BPD is fear of abandonment.

OK, thanks for the clarification. I'd never really thought about the difference.