BPD friend/gf relationship issue URGENT HELP!!

Hello all,

Firstly, I would like to apologize for my bad vocabulary since I'm not a native English speaker.
Let me explain my story in as many details as I can for better understanding the issue
I am a 27 year virgin old male who has been officially diagnosed with borderline personality disorder last year while getting treatment at a psychiatric hospital (period from July-August 2013th). During that time I met a 24 year old girl which I instantly fell in love with since she was very attractive and cute in my eyes. Later on I found out she also has BPD diagnosis aswell. At first she was very cold and aggressive towards me and hardly wanted to exchange any words because she considered me as an enemy and a person which brings bad luck to her. She didn't had any logical reason for that kind of behavior since I was nothing but an angel towards her. It took almost 3 months for her to accept me as a friend only because of my enormous persistency. When we got dismissed from the hospital we lost contact for some time since she went to her mom's place. Anyways we met numerous times in town and chatted a lot. Slowly but steadily she started opening up and told me everything about her life and childhood. She said that the first BPD symptoms showed up while she was 15 and that she lost virginity with a guy who is 12 years older than her which abused her (ie. physical violence and drugs). Also she has a child (3 year old girl) with that guy, but can't see her very often since she lost custody in court over her. Her father died while she was 5 and doesn't have any relatives except her mom who can't take proper care of her because of poor financial situation.
Couple of months ago (period from April-July 2014th) I lost complete contact with her (her cellphone was switched off and wasn't active on Facebook at all) that was a soul breaking experience for me and I was feeling completely depressed since I was afraid something bad happened to her. The reason for my concern is that I know for a fact she likes to hang out with any guy she finds (whether over FB or in real life) and has unprotected sex with them (I was on the blacklist in her brain nothing more but a naive pleasing friend). I was waiting, waiting and waiting logging into my FB account couple of times every day during those 3 months and waiting like a maniac to see whether she will receive (ie. marked as seen) any of my messages. Luck smiled back to me when I have seen that she received my messages (somewhere at the end of July). She didn't reply to any of my messages for about a week although I was 100 percent sure she has seen them. Finally, she messaged me back after a week and told me that she is at her mom's place without giving me any answers where she was during all that time (that pissed me off because I cared for her and she treated me like trash).
I insisted we meet somewhere in town for a coffee, but she was avoiding to meet-up antagonising me even further. My persistence paid off again and we finally met. When I saw her I couldn't recognize her at first because her physical appearance changed (she changed her hair style and I noticed that she gained a few pounds). I was also surprised that her communication skills improved and was a lot calmer than ever before (like a completely changed person). She told me that her mom placed her at a drug rehab clinic and that she had restricted communication with the outside world from there. I asked her how was it there and she said she needed to go there for her own well-being, but also confessed that it was very difficult because she didn't had her freedom and had to various chores (like washing clothes, taking care of animals and cutting the grass). I was still trapped in friend zone status at that time, but was also relieved a little knowing that she didn't meet with any other guy except me when she returned from rehab clinic (she got antisocial briefly). She was normal for 1 month and then she exploded again and regressed to her former lifestyle (taking various pills/drugs and having sex with strangers). At that moment I raised a white surrender flag and lost all hope that we will ever be together as a couple and stopped calling her and sending her messages via FB. One day she called me in a crying voice that her mother kicked her out and that she has nowhere else to go and I offered her help to come at my place. We had normal friendly communication for 13 days when she snapped for no reason and went to some guy and turned off her phone for 3 days (logically she was having sex with him). When she returned to my place I sent her back to psychiatric hospital and stopped talking to her. That was her 7th hospitalization later I found out. She contacted me via FB couple of days ago and said she will be my GF (finally yeah after 1 year of trying i thought) and have sex with me, but I will have to be obedient and fulfill every demand she wants. Yesterday, she got released from hospital (after approx. 2 weeks) and I went with her to pickup 2 stray puppies (her wish). Today, I managed to convince her to have sex with me and she accepted, but that lasted only couple of seconds since I was inexperienced (never had sex before in my life). After that event she went cold called me a "friend" and broke my heart.

Thats all. Do you have any suggestion/idea what I should do now? I never felt so bad in my life as today.

And now back to the present time today

Are you involved in therapy or any treatment yourself? It sounds as though this relationship has been very confusing and possibly triggering for you, it can become difficult to make the most healthy decision. It's important that you're receiving the support you require and deserve

At the moment, no. Currently I am doing best I can to sustain from depression by working more hours (repairing PCs and cellphones..I'm an IT technician) trying to divert my thoughts from her. These recent events have really shaken me up a lot.

The question I am asking myself constantly and over and over again is there any solution on this world to change her behavior in a positive manner, so she stops acting like this and that she finally realizes whats best for her. No therapy (antidepressants and psychotherapy support groups) till now succeeded to help her. She seems immune to all that stuff. She will definitely not last long if she continues living like this. Its really sad believe me

Seek out theraly for yourself first. Then try speaking to her about it in a calm manner. Dont accuse or blamr, use lots of statements about what you are feeling and don't say she caused this. Express your concerns for her. But what do you think will help? If nothing has helped so far in your opinion. You can't just tell her nothing will help her. Then she may lose hope completely.

Rainbow191292 wrote:Seek out theraly for yourself first. Then try speaking to her about it in a calm manner. Dont accuse or blamr, use lots of statements about what you are feeling and don't say she caused this. Express your concerns for her. But what do you think will help? If nothing has helped so far in your opinion. You can't just tell her nothing will help her. Then she may lose hope completely.

I am fully aware of that hence the reason I'm asking for professional advice through this forum board. She left me last Thursday and went to some guys house for a millionth time. Now she is not answering my calls, but replied briefly today via Facebook that she is now good taken cared off and will come pickup her stuff from my apartment in a couple of days . Also, she said that she doesn't want to be even friends with me anymore and that after she picks up her belongings I will never see her again in life. (this is the first time she devalued me from friend to acquaintance)
I am puzzled and really cannot comprehend her behavior since she was intimate with me showing affection and all of a sudden I get stabbed like this. Only positive thing I'm left with is that I managed to stay in good relationship with her mother and I have her full support regarding her daughter.

I really need to find a way to calm her down and win her back even if this includes changing behavior towards her in the future (ie. give her freedom she wants and act uninterested around her). Problem is I acted very jealous when she was on the phone talking to strangers that she wants to move in with them. I don't blame her because I'm aware she cannot control her emotions and that deep down in her heart she is actually a good person, but its very difficult (almost impossible IMHO) to bring up her subconscious mind to the surface level. I have invested too much time and effort that I can just let her go because whatever she says and does will not erase my love and feelings for her.
Maybe this sounds silly, but you have to actually be in this situation to realize how hard it is.

davidcro wrote:I am fully aware of that hence the reason I'm asking for professional advice through this forum board.

Unfortunately the forum here doesn't have anyone who can give you any professional advice though- it is a peer support forum with no professionals- just people who have lots of life experience, which is what the other members are sharing here.

^ I agree with that.

Also, there is no way that changing your behaviour would make you more likeable. You should change your behaviour because you want to for you, if you change it at all. I'm not sure it would particularly help the situation. Sometimes, and I know this isn't the answer you're looking for, you need to move on. If she doesn't want to be in contact with you that is.

Yes, maybe you are right about moving on. Honestly, I never thought that kind of such cruel and heartless person actually exists. It will take very long for me to recover and nothing will ever be the same in the future. I was too much obsessed with her and that cost me both money and my life (she drained me both emotionally and physically)
I think best and safest solution for me now is to find a way to shutdown my emotions completely, so no one will ever be able to hurt me in the future. I really don't deserve to suffer like this

davidcro wrote:I think best and safest solution for me now is to find a way to shutdown my emotions completely, so no one will ever be able to hurt me in the future. I really don't deserve to suffer like this

Sorry you're hurting - hope you feel better soon.
*hugs*

I hope you get the help you require on your path towards greatness and hapiness