Always making poor decisions. No coping skills.

The more reflective I become the more I realize that my entire life has been a series of poor choices. I may have made these choices in different forms but I always,always choose the wrong road. Now I'm contemplating how I can ever clean this mess of a life up. My coping skills are nil. I use booze, sex, gambling, smoking, eating. Mindfulness eludes me. My children are growing up and they need my support and guidance. This is a trigger for me because I feel like I am still a child. I have been irresponsible in my choices in men. I have trashed my credit and can't rent a place on my own. I can't buy a car. I have legal troubles and fines I can't possibly pay. How can I start my children on the right path if I can't get it together? I called my employee assistance program yesterday and contacted a new therapist but haven't heard back yet. I sit here nervous and alone waiting for the moment my boyfriend finds out I cheated on him and he boots me out or worse beats the crap out of me. I cause this. I do this. I seriously don't have one dollar to my name. Just wondering has anyone with bpd been able to turn it around and completely stop the madness?

Try buying some DBT self-help books, or looking up some DBT videos!

I think this posted twice and I don't know why? Oh well. Does dbt work as self help? I always feel like I am going to need intense dbt with a group. Some of the online resources I've found feèl overwhelming to me. I have had some cognitive therapy with workbooks and such.

Hi, im sorry you're feeling so discouraged right now. I think it would be really helpful for you to find a good therapist who can offer practical solutions of how to improve your life as well as BPD focused therapy. Don't give up on trying to find someone. Did they get back to you?

Online resources are good but when you are just starting its hard to see what applies and what doesn't.

You mentioned the things you would like to change, i suggest you make a list of that with pen and paper and for each thing, think about what you would need to do so the situation improves. You may find it helpful to have a structured plan.

Regarding the legal issues, many times they allow small payments back instead of big chunks at once if you make them aware of your financial situation. Maybe look into what you can do?

Hope things get better for you real soon!

you may have made some good decisions. you came to this forum, so that's healthy.

i had the same issue with the kind of friends I had. I learned this from here...
"human beings are creatures of habit. the kind of equations, we've had with our parents as kids, become blue prints for further equations. so if we've had toxic relations with our parents, caretakers, siblings, we end up seeking those equations as adults." this helped remove some of the self blame.

I started slow with eating healthy food, going for walks, working out. Those were healthy decisions. Forgiving yourself is difficult, but that's the only option.

We've all made mistakes, some of us did crimes as kids, some of us have failed our parents, most of us have had not so healthy caretakers, some folks drunk drive, some commit crimes...

We are our own judge. If your kid came to you and said, that he's made same mistakes, would you be so hard on him?

If my kid comes to me and confesses his mistakes, at that moment, I'd tell him that it's all right. It's ok and then I'll try to work towards a solution.

Take care...

Hello badlovespell, I just wanted to say that it is not your fault if your boyfriend beats the hell out of you. He has a right to end the relationship, or decide he does not want to live with you anymore. But that doesn't mean he has a right to put his hands on you, ever.

Thanks all. I have seen at least ten therapists in my life. I don't want to role play. I don't want to talk about god. I wasn't physically or sexually abused as a child although I came from a very dysfunctional environment. There is no reason for this and at this point in my life I don't care what the reason is I need to start healing. I am apprehensive of a new therapist because I don't want them telling me I have to take meds or they won't treat me. Hoping they call me soon because I need to môve before I'm out of crisis mode. Once my crisis is over I will go on thinking I'm fine until the next episode. I know I need dbt but I need someone to show me. I get frustrated if things don't work immediately. Tonight I sat here and did my schoolwork And played some games. I wonder what it's like to be normal and just sit here and be without wanting to run away and crawl out of my skin. I'm perpetually bored and empty and well...what do normal people do? I mean like everyday?

badlovespell wrote:I wonder what it's like to be normal and just sit here and be without wanting to run away and crawl out of my skin. I'm perpetually bored and empty and well...what do normal people do? I mean like everyday?

Good question. But hey, what is being normal. Who is entitled to to define that.
Everyone I know are a bit quirky in their own way. Try being comfortable with who you are, own it = acceptance and full awareness. Being real, sets things around you in their proper places - "You're going to lose some, win some and some are going to be rained out."

--TW--

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdq7lWw ... BC252GHy3w

(long)

Spell, i hope with a bit of search you will be able to find a therapist who doesn't try to force you to take meds if you don't want that. Maybe you could tell them that meds are not an option from the start, just to weed them out. I am worried about you because of your family situation you need to get out of pronto. Indeed you need BPD focused therapy that teaches you how to cope, not only talk about your past.

Therapy works if you also do the work and put into practice what you learn there.

To your question about what people do, well i know i work, go out, sometimes travel, care for my pets, and when i have the time i dont really get bored because i am just resting, haha. I also try to learn more about subjects im interested in, read and exercise.