Loving too deeply?

I thought perhaps if I share my problem others can relate and know they aren't alone. Perhaps someone may even have some suggestions to help. Here it goes..

Okay, I'm dating this guy. He is amazing wonderful, flawless. I love him so much; too much.
He completely consumes my every waking thought. I wake up check my phone to see if he
has messaged. I constantly check his active time on Facebook. If he has been active, but
hasn't replied I feel so depressed. I panic! Is he talking to someone else is he with someone?
There's no mistaking him and I are together. His family has meet me, his friends. His facebook
has it all over it that he is with me, but still I panic. He finally replies, its as if nothing were wrong.
I jump from feeling death is near to feeling as if I'm the happiest I've ever been. This isn't healthy.
I think the biggest curse is logically knowing how crazy it is to let someone's actions control
if I'm feeling alive or dead, especially when the person has no clue they have that much power.
I hate this so badly, but I don't know how to stop. I spend every dime I have buying him food and
gifts. It's almost like I feel I can buy his love. I know he cares about me, so I don't know why
I panic. I guess I fear if I'm not around or talking constantly, he will just forget me! It's crazy!
It makes me feel crazy. I love way too deeply! If I could be with him every second I would.
I'm breaking my own heart before he even has the chance to possibly break it. I don't know
what to do. I would hate for others to be able to relate to this, but it would be comforting to
know I'm not alone.

I would hate for others to be able to relate to this

I don't relate to this.

If you're concerned about any symptoms that you feel are unhealthy, I'd suggest you see a mental health professional. They can address any of your questions or concerns.

I do all that even when they don't love me back, then again I'm an extremely messed up person.

Looks to me you just feel extremely deep affection and idealization, luckily for you he loves you back.

Relate to this 110%. A lot of people with BPD struggle with this.

And you're right that the worst part of it is knowing it's unhealthy and bad, but I can't help it.

I have a huge problem with this across the board. I don't know what's real and what's just my perception. But then I can make it real by acting stupidly, which I often do. It's my worst nightmare that keeps happening over and over.



elmo

I used to struggle a lot with this. It clearly is idealization with romantic feelings making it worse. As AmorousDestruction said, a lot of people with BPD struggle with it.
It's a typically borderline thing to love so deeply and intensely, since our emotions tend to be amplified.

I still can't find an answer for myself, but if it happens I remind to myself that I need to control my emotions and not let them take over me completely. But most of the time, they win.
I've come a long way, but still....

I misunderstood. If by true love, then no, I don't relate. But idealization type love (which isn't true love just an illusion IMHO) I relate to quite a bit.

Yes I can definitely relate to that. It's unfortunately really hard to stop, even when you have awareness of it like you clearly do. I see it now as idealising/infatuation rather than true love though.

lostXsoul wrote:I think the biggest curse is logically knowing how crazy it is.....I hate this so badly, but I don't know how to stop

I know for me, no amount of reasoning with myself helps. The emotion is too strong for me to force logic upon it. That fear of abandonment is overwhelming. The only advice I've ever had for it is when you are wondering why he hasn't replied to a message or contacted you and start having the thoughts of "what if he's lost interest", to try to step back from it and not engage with those thoughts. Try not to keep going over thoughts of the worst possible outcomes. Distract yourself, do something nice for yourself instead. Easier said than done.

lostXsoul wrote: He finally replies, its as if nothing were wrong.

I guess for him, there isn't anything wrong, which you probably already know. We tend to become really over-invested in relationships really quickly during this stage. The majority of people don't though. I guess the important thing is to not take that as a sign that he doesn't care. Just that he is more comfortable within himself.

I think in this stage we too often see the other person as perfect. Like you say, he is flawless. The "love" is generally based around that perception. But nobody is perfect and people do let you down. That can be just as challenging as the highs and lows of this stage. I hope some of that was helpful. Best of luck.

I can totally relate. It's torture.

lostXsoul wrote:I thought perhaps if I share my problem others can relate and know they aren't alone. Perhaps someone may even have some suggestions to help. Here it goes..

Okay, I'm dating this guy. He is amazing wonderful, flawless. I love him so much; too much.
He completely consumes my every waking thought. I wake up check my phone to see if he
has messaged. I constantly check his active time on Facebook. If he has been active, but
hasn't replied I feel so depressed. I panic! Is he talking to someone else is he with someone?
There's no mistaking him and I are together. His family has meet me, his friends. His facebook
has it all over it that he is with me, but still I panic. He finally replies, its as if nothing were wrong.
I jump from feeling death is near to feeling as if I'm the happiest I've ever been. This isn't healthy.
I think the biggest curse is logically knowing how crazy it is to let someone's actions control
if I'm feeling alive or dead, especially when the person has no clue they have that much power.
I hate this so badly, but I don't know how to stop. I spend every dime I have buying him food and
gifts. It's almost like I feel I can buy his love. I know he cares about me, so I don't know why
I panic. I guess I fear if I'm not around or talking constantly, he will just forget me! It's crazy!
It makes me feel crazy. I love way too deeply! If I could be with him every second I would.
I'm breaking my own heart before he even has the chance to possibly break it. I don't know
what to do. I would hate for others to be able to relate to this, but it would be comforting to
know I'm not alone.

Yep, this describes all of my romantic relationships (there's been a few lol), but I can quickly shift (seriously quickly) to despising them and convinced they're out to ruin my life or mental health. Then it's fine again, just as fast. It's extremely distressing so I feel for you, but please don't think you need to buy anybody's love!nIt sounds like you may have issues regarding abandonment, and if it's worrying you which it obviously is, you're right it isn't healthy. I'd speak to your GP about your concerns and they should be able to advise you. I hope you find peace soon