Get attached too easily

Hi, I should probably lead with saying I have BPD. I'm a 22 year old female (if that matters) and recently I've been talking to this guy. I started talking to him 2 weeks after me and my ex broke up. We've been talking for about a month and I find myself getting extremely attached to him. I find myself planning big events for the both of us (vacations, cruises, ect). And fantasizing about spending time with him. I don't even love him so why am I this infatuated with him. I mean, I like him a lot but that's all. I really think we could have something but it's not like I think of him as "the one" or anything. I don't even know how he feels about me since we are still in the early stages of getting to know each other. This feeling of being attached to him is extremely stressful. I get anxious when he takes a long time to message me back. And i feel vulnerable. I don't know how to back off. I'm either all in or all out. I can't find a balance. Has this happened to anyone else? How do you deal with it?

I know exacly what you're talking about. With new relationships, I find it near impossible to ease into things and take them slow - I tend to, at least my mind does, go to the extreme and want to just do everything quick . I have no patience and just want to do everything when I want to do it instead of taking it slowly like the social norm says I should. It has a lot to do with black and white thinking - all in or all out. Part of having BPD is that it's impossible to find a balance and everything is extreme one way or the other. It takes work to develop the skills to be able to find a balance like you want to and not get so attached to easily. I get attached to people quite quickly which makes it impossible to ease into things, although I badly wish that I could like everybody else seems to be able to do.

The only way I can deal with it is to take a step back and realize what I'm doing, how I'm portraying myself, and try to alter it.. it's a bit dishonest though, because it goes against what I really feel and what I would do if I had it my way.. but to appease the other person I have to act a certain way. You just have to recognize when your feelings and what you're doing is a result of the BPD and make a decision from there on what to do next so that you don't end up coming on too strong and pushing the person away.

Does it happen to me? Yep, all too frequently. Even with someone I'm not in a relationship with; when that happens, I have to constantly tell myself "she's not your girl. DON'T GET ATTACHED."

As to how I deal with it, that I still haven't fine-tuned yet. Or really figured it out yet, either. Unfortunately, I still seem to live my life by the line from a Doors song. "Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name?" And my idea of taking things slow is meeting her parents before the wedding. It's crazy, I know, but I've heard that some people do it that way.

Since I don't do relationships outside therapy (at least for now), I only have this experience with therapists. And it's like I virtually want to (non-sexually) mount them. As in keep them. Make them mine. That is how sick my attachment gets. And in between sessions is a nightmare ...because I have to see them right now. And the more imaginary and not so imaginary resistance I feel from my T, the more obsessive I feel. If they are gentle and nurturing, I can then be calm and less obsessive, but I will still miss them in a very desperate way in between sessions. This makes life a bit stressful. This also makes is incredibly hard to maintain a stable relationship with the therapist as most therapists don't get transference.

I get obsessive too and what i try to do that noticed works is do a lot of other things to distract myself. I am busy and the more busy i am, the less i have time or energy to obsess.

OR put the feelings into something else.