crossroads **TW**

I am struggling with suicidal thoughts tonight. I am scared because I have written a letter to my (adult) children trying to explain and Ias they are usually an anchor for me, at the moment, I cannot find that.

I had a SA in January which ended up wht 12 stitches in my inner thigh and a section (committed) -- I was so upset that I was unsuccessful back then and I have tried and tried to push on but things are exactly the same, if not worse. I tried DBT, I have tried therapy, I have tried living day-to-day and I have tried living in the moment. Truth is, I hate the ######6 moment, every single moment, I simply don't have anything to be here for.

If not for my children, it would be a no-brainer, and I don't want to leave such an ugly legacy for them. But I don't think I can do this for even one more day.

I can relate. The only thing that keeps me going most days is my children. I often think about what will happen when they are grown and don't need me as much anymore, what will keep me going? The emptiness and loneliness are unbearable. I wish that I could just accept that I will never have what other people have and stop longing for things to be different. I don't have any answers for you but just wanted to say I understand.

Hang in there Willow. Thinking of you.