My Soul Has Given Up

I am a 22 year old female that hasn't lived without chaos her whole life. I won't blame anyone for the way I am because when it's in the genes I really used to be spiritual and I really felt that there was a connection that was felt after months of energy practice and work. I've lived a little different my whole life, and I felt like the unwanted step child. I got pregnant at 17 and kicked out. I developed postpartum depression after having my child and things really started to get worse. I think it may have triggered something. I ended up losing custody of her to I ex after a $9,500 court fee. I met a man off an eating disorder website and moved in with him. We only slept together twice and then I went crazy sleeping with over 15 people in a 3 month period. I would drink a quarter gallon of the cheapest whiskey and party at peoples houses I met on the streets of seattle. And I still maintained a job. I was superwoman. Anyways she is just rambling let's get to the point. We have what we call emotions.. The Doc(whom I am madly in love with) has seen Irate, which is what I call my anger. I have 5 that are fractured, another doc said. Apparently it is all me just well, fractured. I describe it as flipping a switch. Something happens and the emotion that best fits the situation at the time (hahaha not always) comes out and my friends and acquaintances don't know exactly, but they do know I am different. I don't know really. I have been hospitalized twice. I owe almost $10,000 in medical bills. But I work two jobs with a side job and am a highly great employee with a $6.00 promotion and manager position within 6 months o employment. I succeed in school and work, but emotions... My step dad said "Brittany, you are intelligent as hell, but your not smart." I guess I always hung on to that but. Oh crap, I strayed again. I apologize. This is honestly hard for me because I am always afraid what people think, even if it's anonymous. Anyways, I have been diagnosed with Manic Depression, Major Depression, PTSD, Schizoaffective Disorder, Bulimia, and BPD. My new doc, who is amazing thinks I have Depression and BPD. He says that you can have Audible hallucinations, paranoia, delusions... and dissociative problems all with BPD. I just have a lot of symptoms When I feel like I am doing something wrong my third eye gets filled with pressure. It completely changes my whole day because I trust it.It keeps doing it as I am writing this.. Maybe I shouldn't send this.. It will be in the world forever. I don't care ) anyways I am with someone that packs my stuff once a months then begs for me not to leave. I have no true friends because whenever I get to close to someone something always happens.. No matter what we end up pushing away. All I have is my boyfriend (war zone at home. He is BPD too) and my Drs. And it kind of sucks sometimes. Honestly I found this site by searching "how can two people with BPD survive in a relationship. Now I am here and would really like a stab at some support with people that understand what I am going through, as confusing as it all is.

I just previewed this and I truly apologize for the length. :/

Not really sure what to say that could help, I'm new to this site as well.

All i can suggest is that you try an focus on the positive, you mentioned that you work several jobs, which in itself is a huge achievement
In regards to your emotions maybe try to find some ways of coping. You mentioned a lot of anger so perhaps get a punching bag, play tennis, or throw on some music on at top volume and sing along at the top of your voice. Spotify and the TuneWiki app are great, and its free. The singing (or yelling haha) helps me the most
All i can think of to help your relationship would be to try and keep your anger from each other, if he gets angry at you, then you get angry at him for taking his anger out on you (or vice versa) then it becomes ping pong with bricks.

Thinking of you and sending hugs.