Family

What do you do when your family thinks you're full of crap? I love my family to death but they have always been the tough love, suck it up and move on kind of people. I opened up to my mom about having borderline and anxiety and she basically just told me I was lazy and that I need to just ignore it and move on. I have lived on my own for four years and I think that she still sees me as the confident child I was, but I've changed. All she sees are the brief moments where I can hold it together but she doesn't see the sleepless nights, the panic attacks or my crazy mood swings. She doesn't know that this is ruining my life and that I can barely leave my house without medication. So how do you deal? How do you let your family know the severity of the situation when they think it's just an attention grab. I have been through a lot in my life and don't understand how she doesn't think that my past is a factor. I just don't know what to do. It's hard enough to keep going when all I want to do is give up, let alone when you're family doesn't believe you. I'm just tired of feeling like my best effort falls so short. Does anyone else have this issue? And how do you deal with this alone?

change your family. i know that my bpd came because of my caretaker and she wont get it. so i dont talk to her about it.

surround yourself with people who like you. think of it as what would you do if you had a leg ache. you'd go to a doc and not to your family. so for issues of emotional/psychological kind i come to this forum, cause my family wont get it.

trigger warning...just because they are your family doesnt mean they are always right. i learned this lesson the hard way.

I have the same problem they say I'm a whino and need to get myself together.

I agree with the others. Sometimes, family cannot understand. It is a good idea to surround yourself with people who like you. I hate saying this, but sometimes problems have to be kept private. God, I hate saying this. For example, I have a family which is very "solution oriented" and I have a sister who is the "treat it with medicine and pull yourself up by the bootstraps type." Daily, I have severe anxiety and other problems, but I cannot really talk about them to family.

I know that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works and also Mindfulness practices.

I would find a good solid therapist whom you can really talk to.

People don't get mental illness right.
Not even after they start having one.

it's a complex subject to understand.


And most people find hard to see the brain/mind/personalities/feelings of someone as something that doesn't "respond to will".

They think it's about willing yourself or that a medication will fix it.

Truth is, even when medication is taken, if the illness is severe enough:

Medication = numbing of this and that symptom + side effects from hell
Will power to get better = stress building over the frustration of *it* not working

Honestly, if you don't NEED the family, just let them unaware of what's happening.
Better that way.
But if you NEED them, and need to show why, then you have to come up with a way to tell them in terms they understand. For that, I think we can try to help, but you would have to be more specific...

But it can be as easy as saying "Mom, dad, I have a mental illness: This is called anxiety, this is called borderline. I have tid bit of that, a tad bat of this."

"When I do X, Y happens."
"I can't do this without that medication."


Saying you have a personality disorder might make them think you're just not wanting to be different, btw.

Just say you have borderline problems.

MiniJD wrote:she basically just told me I was lazy and that I need to just ignore it and move on.

I'm sorry that you've had this response from your family. Some people just don't get mental illness. Even worse when they don't really try to get it. And they are your family! I hate to say it but I don't think you'll ever be able to change how your family views this. I find some people just can't grasp it, until they have a personal experience, but that often never happens. You would think that having a child who is struggling would be experience enough but it often isn't.

MiniJD wrote:I have been through a lot in my life and don't understand how she doesn't think that my past is a factor.

While I don't know the specifics of course, is it possible that she is just putting her head in the sand in relation to your issues now because that means she can push it away and never have to reflect on her possible role in it? Maybe she didn't have a role, but sometimes I think parents can't deal with mental health issues in their kids because they might feel some guilt associated with it. Just a possibility.

I've chosen not to tell my family about mental health issues because they are a huge part of the reason why they exist. I wouldn't expect support or understanding and I don't want it from them anyway.

I've told very few people besides a therapist and have generally found that while they can grasp depression (I kind of thought they were receptive people) they just don't get BPD. I think it's hard to explain really what it feels like. If you want the support of your family, maybe you could work on trying to get them to understand the anxiety stuff?

I've had the same thing, told my mom i had BPD symptoms and she instantly just shook her head and said no. How insulting. I think she is saying no to take away any guilt she feels for poor decisions growing up thatt may have contributed.

-- Thu Jul 17, 2014 1:08 pm --

I've had the same thing, told my mom i had BPD symptoms and she instantly just shook her head and said no. How insulting. I think she is saying no to take away any guilt she feels for poor decisions growing up thatt may have contributed.

*shrugs* I know what I go through. If they don't think it's as big a deal as it is, then I guess they're no help then. I'll call them when they actually have jack $#%^ to offer; like money, shelter, or advice on how to epitomize the worst possible stereotypes of black people.

I keep trying to explain that mental health problems make it very difficult to live up to their inferior, insignificant expectations of me that don't even do my real potential a fraction of the justice it deserves. But they think I'm just "#######4 around". Ok. Whatever.

Thank you for your input it's greatly appreciated. A far as my situation goes I know my mom is feeling guilty and thinks it's her fault. We have been through a lot together from her abusive boyfriends to illness, but I just don't understand how I'm expected to be "normal" after all the $#%^ that's happened. I am away living on my own (with some financial help) trying to get an education. It just bothers me that other people are allowed to be messed up but not me. It's just extremely emotionally taxing always being compared to others whose illnesses are of similar severity but manifests in completely different ways. I just wish my family could understand that it's not laziness or lack of motivation it just seems that every time I try to do something I get derailed right out off the gate. But thank you all for your responses, it's nice to know I'm not alone going through this. And thank you for letting me vent.