The projectile didn't work ... I'm still here :'( *TW*

It missed my heart, ended up exiting my side and entering my bicep. Of course, my gun is gone, so I have to come up with other ideas.

After 2 weeks of hell in hospital, and another 3 weeks buried in paperwork and visits to doctors who won't help, I'm cursing myself for failing at the simplest thing I've ever been in charge of. I still come home to my lonely miserable self, unable to lift the lighest grocery bags, with no one to spend an evening with.

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Thanks in advance.

I don't know what to say, except that I'm sorry for what you're going through. I think no amount of "pep talk" will help and I'm really at a loss for words.

Though I didn't use a gun, I had a suicide attempt last year, so believe me I know the pain in not wanting to live any more.

I truly wish you the best and I hope you can pick yourself up and find the strength to keep fighting. Please don't give up on yourself.

This may mean nothing to you, but I've been going through hell since last year. I even told my sister that I don't know how I keep fighting when it feels like the most difficult fight I've ever had in my life, yet I keep finding the strength to fight and not give up on myself.

I guess you just have to be strong for yourself and be your own ally. Please be kind to yourself and if you ever want to talk, I'll listen.

Much sympathy to you. I also have gunshot wound scars... glad to hear you made it. Look after those wounds, they'll be sore for many months..

Im glad you're still here. I sincerely hope things get better for you in the future.

blank identity wrote:I don't know what to say, except that I'm sorry for what you're going through.......

I truly wish you the best and I hope you can pick yourself up and find the strength to keep fighting. Please don't give up on yourself......... Please be kind to yourself and if you ever want to talk, I'll listen.

I thought that that was well said, blank identity...take care (both of you) and stay in touch...

Well, I'm happy that you're still here! I know life will seem like poop and with those doctors it may even seem like hell, but I'm sure that at one point you will feel okay, not great but okay enough. It's absolutely okay to feel lonely and destroyed, I know that I've felt that way all the time and wanted to kill myself before I realized how my death would have made other people's life easier and then I just couldn't let that happen.

I know that no amount of assurance will let you believe that you're worthy to live (or make you less miserable), but that's not important. The important thing is that you are here and maybe you should buy yourself a present for this moment, you know, it's very important to pamper yourself a little bit because usually no one else does. Be kind to yourself and stop judging yourself for things out of your control!

Have a nice day or night or twilight!

cake_apathy wrote:Well, I'm happy that you're still here! I know life will seem like poop and with those doctors it may even seem like hell, but I'm sure that at one point you will feel okay, not great but okay enough. It's absolutely okay to feel lonely and destroyed, I know that I've felt that way all the time and wanted to kill myself before I realized how my death would have made other people's life easier and then I just couldn't let that happen.

I know that no amount of assurance will let you believe that you're worthy to live (or make you less miserable), but that's not important. The important thing is that you are here and maybe you should buy yourself a present for this moment, you know, it's very important to pamper yourself a little bit because usually no one else does. Be kind to yourself and stop judging yourself for things out of your control!

Have a nice day or night or twilight!

Hi cake_apathy,

Thank you so much for your sweet words !

Yes, no matter what anyone tells me, the life/death switch in my head is turned to the "death" position, and it will be that way for a very long time, likely forever.

However, you're absolutely right - I deserve a little treat ... maybe a small material gift or a road trip or something. I'm fortunate enough to live in a beautiful place ... I can do a little trip.

You have a wonderful day, and welcome to this forum

- The Lilodian

jhp wrote:Much sympathy to you. I also have gunshot wound scars... glad to hear you made it. Look after those wounds, they'll be sore for many months..

Thanks, my friend. I'm taking good care of the wounds.

Do they ever heal completely ? Do they look pretty much normal after a few months/years ? Do people ask you what those scars are ? What do you tell them ?

Thanks for your message. Have a good one.

-- Tue Jul 08, 2014 9:57 pm --

Im-pure wrote:Im glad you're still here. I sincerely hope things get better for you in the future.

Thanks I know things will get better.

We all learn from our stupid mistakes. Next time, there will be none

I feel your pain. The upside for me was that at least the long trail to working meds had started and the revelation that this was not what 'normal' was apparently. I lead is in my head. haha

The scars will always be visible. You need to prepare a story to tell people - as they do ask, especially children. I say I fell on a steel spike while welding on a fence. Only person who knows the truth is my wife. You may also expect bad psychological consequences from the shooting itself - as you experienced extreme violence, you can expect some level of PTSD. Take it easy on yourself brother