How do I love myself and trust another to as well?

I hate thinking about this right now because I'm in such a good mood from the You know your a BPD when... thread , but this was something I wrote to myself the other night:
THOUGHTS ON ME
I can’t be with someone without feeling like they do not actually like or love me for who I am.
If they clearly like me, then they don’t love me.
If they clearly love me, then they do not like or sometimes even know me for who I really am.
Rarely but sometimes it’s both I doubt.
All I ever wanted was someone who not only loved me, but liked me for all that I am.
I will never believe that someone feels this way.
This is my problem not theirs, but how do I solve it? I have to solve it or I have to be alone.
Maybe the problem lies in that I don’t know who I am, so I don’t know what I’m even expecting them to love.
Maybe the problem lies in that I only love half of myself, so I don’t believe that anyone else could possibly love the other side of me. I think that’s it. I don’t believe anyone could love the things I hate about myself, and very few have ever given me reason to think otherwise. Everyone confirms how I feel about myself. Only half of me is worth loving. The rest is only worth hiding. And when I can’t hide it anymore, the only solution is to run away and start over. I’ve spent my whole life hiding from the negative side of me.
I have absolutely no idea how to fix it.
.............................................................

So I think that I don't believe that anyone can truly like all of me, because I don't. It's the fundamental problem in every relationship. Any ideas on how to work towards trusting someone to love me and loving myself even when I'm in a bad mood?

I can do the title.
But how do I love myself, trust another AND love another?
Love, or any feeling shouldn't be limited, or what?

Kelseyrain wrote:Maybe the problem lies in that I only love half of myself, so I don’t believe that anyone else could possibly love the other side of me.

Yeah, the dark side, where I rarely dare to enter myself.

i dont think i can ever love myself completely. love is an exaggerated feeling.

i am more acceptable of myself, and try to accept myself for what i am.

i have done mistakes, i have flaws, and get cranky and there are things about me which i dont like.

instead of 'loving' yourself, try to accept yourself.

you dont have to trust someone completely. everyone has secrets/pasts/regrets. you dont have to tell them of all your issues.

I have no secret side. Everyone who I want to love me knows all of me. But I still consistently doubt that they love me or even like me. I am consistently paranoid that they are lying to me or just being nice to me or trying to use me. I simply cannot accept the love of another. I treat them like $hit in return.

I truly believe in the cliche that you need to love yourself in order to love others. I think that until I can figure out how to do that, I will never be able to give back in relationships and will consistently hurt the other person with my mistrust and fear.

But I don't know how to do it. I can just commiserate.

Thanks all.
I think I'm feeling better. Some days I'm good at remembering all the good qualities the negative brings and other days I'm not. For example, the same side of me that makes me have ridiculous sadness and anger also allows me to be incredibly empathetic and understanding of others. The dark side isn't all bad.

Kelseyrain wrote:I hate thinking about this right now because I'm in such a good mood from the You know your a BPD when... thread , but this was something I wrote to myself the other night:
THOUGHTS ON ME
I can’t be with someone without feeling like they do not actually like or love me for who I am.
If they clearly like me, then they don’t love me.
If they clearly love me, then they do not like or sometimes even know me for who I really am.
Rarely but sometimes it’s both I doubt.
All I ever wanted was someone who not only loved me, but liked me for all that I am.
I will never believe that someone feels this way.
This is my problem not theirs, but how do I solve it? I have to solve it or I have to be alone.
Maybe the problem lies in that I don’t know who I am, so I don’t know what I’m even expecting them to love.
Maybe the problem lies in that I only love half of myself, so I don’t believe that anyone else could possibly love the other side of me. I think that’s it. I don’t believe anyone could love the things I hate about myself, and very few have ever given me reason to think otherwise. Everyone confirms how I feel about myself. Only half of me is worth loving. The rest is only worth hiding. And when I can’t hide it anymore, the only solution is to run away and start over. I’ve spent my whole life hiding from the negative side of me.
I have absolutely no idea how to fix it.
.............................................................

So I think that I don't believe that anyone can truly like all of me, because I don't. It's the fundamental problem in every relationship. Any ideas on how to work towards trusting someone to love me and loving myself even when I'm in a bad mood?

Wow. It blows my mind sometimes....how similar our stories are. I could have totally written this post, so I understand what you are going through.

*sigh* the knight in shining armor, the person that adores me, the person that makes me complete and saves me from the pain and makes everything alright. Oh how I totally understand that want for completeness.

I think that you nailed it when you stated, "Maybe the problem lies in that I only love half of myself." Perhaps the half of you that you love is looking for another person to replace the half of you that you hate? For to be incomplete is to be vulnerable and if you are vulnerable you are not likely to trust the person that you are handing half of yourself (the part you hate) over to. I don't think that anyone can trust another to take care of them because if they are willing to "fix" you, I have a feeling that they have some unresolved issues of their own. I have a feeling that even though you think that you hate half of yourself, you don't, that part of you is just scared.

Perhaps I am rambling, perhaps I did not answer your question, but I think that if one loves and accepts themselves completely, they are more likely to attract trustworthy individuals. Two whole individuals = functional individuals = trust

I don't think you're rambling. That's helpful. Actually after I wrote this post I thought on it, and I really do love the other side of myself too, I just don't believe someone else will. I once had a very crazy man who loved the sad side of me, but he seemed annoyed by the other side of me, so we had the opposite problem in our relationship. ha ha.
And the person I'm with says he loves me for me, yet seems to not like me whenever I'm feeling any emotions beyond happy, and sometimes not even then, but at the same time I know I'm just being me. And maybe I'm making it all up, because I don't trust. Or maybe I attacked him about not being happy until he was actually unhappy. I don't know. I've never been with someone this long. I never had to feel someone falling out of love with me, and it makes me feel terrible about myself. Now I'm rambling...

Kelseyrain wrote:I don't think you're rambling. That's helpful. Actually after I wrote this post I thought on it, and I really do love the other side of myself too, I just don't believe someone else will. I once had a very crazy man who loved the sad side of me, but he seemed annoyed by the other side of me, so we had the opposite problem in our relationship. ha ha.
And the person I'm with says he loves me for me, yet seems to not like me whenever I'm feeling any emotions beyond happy, and sometimes not even then, but at the same time I know I'm just being me. And maybe I'm making it all up, because I don't trust. Or maybe I attacked him about not being happy until he was actually unhappy. I don't know. I've never been with someone this long. I never had to feel someone falling out of love with me, and it makes me feel terrible about myself. Now I'm rambling...

No, you are not rambling. We both are just typing out our thoughts, sort of like stream of consciousness. This is one of the ways to heal....communicating, getting advice, sharing stories and asking questions. Some days I have a TON of questions and other days I feel like I could offer some good advice (maybe )

Anyways, oftentimes it is hard to read people. Perhaps you are reading this person right, ("seems to not like me whenever I'm feeling any emotions beyond happy") but perhaps you are not reading it all. Maybe, just maybe he does love you for YOU. Perhaps it appears that he doesn't like you when you are not happy because HE doesn't know what to do to help you. Perhaps he is frustrated with himself because he feels responsible for seeing to it that you are happy. Maybe he is slightly insecure when you aren't happy because maybe he fears that he is losing you.....

The beauty of all of this is that we all come with our own stories and our own baggage. None of us can read minds, but those of us with BPD are good at reading body language (survival tactic) but the problem is that sometimes we misread (or read into something too much).